A Third Redskin Heads to the Pro Bowl [Archive] - Page 3

BrunellMVP?

01-25-2008, 07:33 AM

I assume you guys have seen this, but if not, here goes..

Ethan Albright, Worst Player in the NFL, Strikes Back
October 23rd, 2006 by Michael Stephens

Washington Redskins lineman Ethan Albright may have worked his tail off to make it to the NFL, establishing himself as one of the league’s best and most consistent long snappers, and a special teams player who has appeared in all 16 games for each of the past 10 seasons (Buffalo, 1996-2000; Washington, 2001-05).

But that’s not enough to win any respect from John Madden and EA Sports, the makers of Madden NFL 2007. Upon realizing that he had been saddled with the video game’s worst overall rating, 53, Alright unleashed his wrath against Madden in a highly-amusing, sometimes-profane tirade. Here’s what he had to say:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ethan Albright: The RevengeHi, John, my name is Ethan Albright.

I play line for the Washington Redskins. You probably already knew that, so I’ll continue. I am writing in regards to the overall player rating of 53 that I have received in Madden NFL Football 2007. I feel that this is f**king bullsh!t and you should kiss my mother-f**king a$$.

Ahmed Carroll was rated a 78 and the Packers just cut his ass on a Tuesday morning after his performance in a Monday night game. That is pretty terrible. The worst part is that his overall rating was sniffing 80.

You know what, John? Two can play this game. I rate you a fucking 12. I rate you a fucking 12 in Ethan Albright Football 2000-ever… except for in the category of ball-licking. That is where I will spot you a 98 rating. You will receive this score because I will never give your blubbery ass a 99 in any category. Take that, pencil-d!ck. Go do Al Michaels or something.

Boom. Score one for Red Beard.

It’s also pretty wonderful that my awareness rating was 59. You make it sound like I wake up in the morning, helplessly sh!t and piss myself, then lose three of my teeth before I discover that I am trying to eat a rock for breakfast. F**k, John, I understand you saying that I am slow and lacking athleticism, but a rating like this pretty much labels me as retarded.

Rod “He Hate Me” Smart has a 52 in this category. Electronic Arts is saying that seven rating points separate me and the breathing embodiment of the perfect oxymoron. Rod Smart struggled to arrange words in sentence form. Cave men had better hold of the English language. The only actions that separate point values of ignorance at this embarrassing level are things like using your own toothbrush to wipe your a$$.

I basically edged out Rod by my lack of sh!t teeth. If I take a night school class, could you bump me up to a 60?

I guess I just can’t fathom the fact that I am the absolute worst player rated out of the entire NFL. F**k, man, there are some sh!tty players out there. Amongst everyone, I was rated the absolute worst.

I have received the impression that you feel that I am lacking in the agility category. I should consider a walk through my living room where I don’t crash through a wall or kick over furniture a resounding success.

My agility rating on your game is 33. It makes it sound like I just topple over if I start walking too fast. Ted Washington is rated a 40 in agility. He is listed at 365 pounds. If Ted Washington tied a white lady up and made her wear a metal bikini, he’d look just like Jabba the Hut. John, you are such a f**king d!ck.

I also noticed that my kick return rating was a 0. I was rated a f**king zero? So you feel that I shouldn’t even receive a 10, or even a 5? You are pretty much saying that I couldn’t even fall forward on a ball kicked in my direction. I would just stand there and let the ball bounce off of my f**king face. F**k that, John, I returned an onside kick 6 yards in 2002. You should have just slapped a -4 on me and had the EA staff ambush me with paintball guns.

Finally, I would like to comment on an unlikely topic, my pass coverage ratings. I see that I am a better at man-to-man coverage (31) than zone (21). F**k me sideways with a lunchbox. Where did these scores even come from? How much time is spent coming up with the pass coverage ratings of offensive lineman? Can I have that job? Let’s see here, I think that Orlando Pace would be slightly better at jumping intermediate routes than Larry Allen. While I’m at it, I can assign the passing ratings for offensive lineman as well. I can use mine as a guide.

I was rated with a throwing power of 17 and accuracy of 16. Orlando Pace has a 22 power and 17 accuracy rating. Did someone at EA really put time into figuring out that Orlando Pace edges out Ethan Albright in both throwing power and accuracy? I will challenge him any day. My horrible passer ratings are of greatest misfortune to my son, Red Beard Jr.

The poor boy is not only hideously ugly and covered by freakishly large freckles. He also has to suffer through playing catch with me and my senile-elderly-woman-type passer ratings. A session of tossing the pigskin usually consists of me missing my son by 30 yards in sporadic directions.

I led him in front of a fire truck once and my wife kicked my ass. This is because of my 76 toughness rating. Yes, a 76 is far better than the other ratings, but I’m a f**king lineman, damn it. NFL Linemen are considered to be synonymous with toughness. According to your game, I am a retarded, uncoordinated, pu$$y-ass f**kwad that can’t fall on a kickoff, throw, or spell. I am, however, slightly better at manning up on a receiver than dropping into zone coverage. You lose your mind more and more each year, old man.

F**k you, John. Please expect to find red pubes in various meals you consume for the rest of your life. If you f**k with Ethan Albright, you call down the thunder.

Rot in Hell,
Ethan Albright


	Commanders Post at The Warpath > Commanders Football > Locker Room Main Forum > A Third Redskin Heads to the Pro Bowl Log in A Third Redskin Heads to the Pro Bowl Pages : 1 2 [3] mcarey032 01-24-2008, 04:24 PM Awesome, but they really should have put Rock Cartwright on the team for special teams. I know that he isn't going to beat out Hester, but the guy was a beast. He was always getting us great field position on special teams. The other omission is Ports. Marion Barber should be embarrassed and should give up his spot to the pro bowl for Portis. You know that ain't going to happen. redskinsfanatic 01-24-2008, 04:53 PM i'd hate to be an nfl player nicknamed,"Red Snapper"!congrats to big ethan... mooby 01-24-2008, 06:49 PM Congrats to the red snapper! I love to see the least recognized player on the team (except when he screws up, but that's never happened) get some recognition. BrunellMVP? 01-24-2008, 07:41 PM what does that push his madden rankings to? Lady Brave 01-24-2008, 11:16 PM Way to go Ethan! Very well deserved. I'll be talking to Ethan's brother soon. If anyone wants to send a personal congratulations to Ethan, let me know and I'll be sure to send it along with mine. DynamiteRave 01-24-2008, 11:41 PM what does that push his madden rankings to? To have his Madden rank upped, I think he needs to be added to the game first. :D BrunellMVP? 01-25-2008, 07:33 AM I assume you guys have seen this, but if not, here goes.. Ethan Albright, Worst Player in the NFL, Strikes Back October 23rd, 2006 by Michael Stephens Washington Redskins lineman Ethan Albright may have worked his tail off to make it to the NFL, establishing himself as one of the league’s best and most consistent long snappers, and a special teams player who has appeared in all 16 games for each of the past 10 seasons (Buffalo, 1996-2000; Washington, 2001-05). But that’s not enough to win any respect from John Madden and EA Sports, the makers of Madden NFL 2007. Upon realizing that he had been saddled with the video game’s worst overall rating, 53, Alright unleashed his wrath against Madden in a highly-amusing, sometimes-profane tirade. Here’s what he had to say: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ethan Albright: The RevengeHi, John, my name is Ethan Albright. I play line for the Washington Redskins. You probably already knew that, so I’ll continue. I am writing in regards to the overall player rating of 53 that I have received in Madden NFL Football 2007. I feel that this is fking bullsh!t and you should kiss my mother-fking a$$. Ahmed Carroll was rated a 78 and the Packers just cut his ass on a Tuesday morning after his performance in a Monday night game. That is pretty terrible. The worst part is that his overall rating was sniffing 80. You know what, John? Two can play this game. I rate you a fucking 12. I rate you a fucking 12 in Ethan Albright Football 2000-ever… except for in the category of ball-licking. That is where I will spot you a 98 rating. You will receive this score because I will never give your blubbery ass a 99 in any category. Take that, pencil-d!ck. Go do Al Michaels or something. Boom. Score one for Red Beard. It’s also pretty wonderful that my awareness rating was 59. You make it sound like I wake up in the morning, helplessly sh!t and piss myself, then lose three of my teeth before I discover that I am trying to eat a rock for breakfast. Fk, John, I understand you saying that I am slow and lacking athleticism, but a rating like this pretty much labels me as retarded. Rod “He Hate Me” Smart has a 52 in this category. Electronic Arts is saying that seven rating points separate me and the breathing embodiment of the perfect oxymoron. Rod Smart struggled to arrange words in sentence form. Cave men had better hold of the English language. The only actions that separate point values of ignorance at this embarrassing level are things like using your own toothbrush to wipe your a$$. I basically edged out Rod by my lack of sh!t teeth. If I take a night school class, could you bump me up to a 60? I guess I just can’t fathom the fact that I am the absolute worst player rated out of the entire NFL. Fk, man, there are some sh!tty players out there. Amongst everyone, I was rated the absolute worst. I have received the impression that you feel that I am lacking in the agility category. I should consider a walk through my living room where I don’t crash through a wall or kick over furniture a resounding success. My agility rating on your game is 33. It makes it sound like I just topple over if I start walking too fast. Ted Washington is rated a 40 in agility. He is listed at 365 pounds. If Ted Washington tied a white lady up and made her wear a metal bikini, he’d look just like Jabba the Hut. John, you are such a fking d!ck. I also noticed that my kick return rating was a 0. I was rated a fking zero? So you feel that I shouldn’t even receive a 10, or even a 5? You are pretty much saying that I couldn’t even fall forward on a ball kicked in my direction. I would just stand there and let the ball bounce off of my fking face. Fk that, John, I returned an onside kick 6 yards in 2002. You should have just slapped a -4 on me and had the EA staff ambush me with paintball guns. Finally, I would like to comment on an unlikely topic, my pass coverage ratings. I see that I am a better at man-to-man coverage (31) than zone (21). Fk me sideways with a lunchbox. Where did these scores even come from? How much time is spent coming up with the pass coverage ratings of offensive lineman? Can I have that job? Let’s see here, I think that Orlando Pace would be slightly better at jumping intermediate routes than Larry Allen. While I’m at it, I can assign the passing ratings for offensive lineman as well. I can use mine as a guide. I was rated with a throwing power of 17 and accuracy of 16. Orlando Pace has a 22 power and 17 accuracy rating. Did someone at EA really put time into figuring out that Orlando Pace edges out Ethan Albright in both throwing power and accuracy? I will challenge him any day. My horrible passer ratings are of greatest misfortune to my son, Red Beard Jr. The poor boy is not only hideously ugly and covered by freakishly large freckles. He also has to suffer through playing catch with me and my senile-elderly-woman-type passer ratings. A session of tossing the pigskin usually consists of me missing my son by 30 yards in sporadic directions. I led him in front of a fire truck once and my wife kicked my ass. This is because of my 76 toughness rating. Yes, a 76 is far better than the other ratings, but I’m a fking lineman, damn it. NFL Linemen are considered to be synonymous with toughness. According to your game, I am a retarded, uncoordinated, pu$$y-ass fkwad that can’t fall on a kickoff, throw, or spell. I am, however, slightly better at manning up on a receiver than dropping into zone coverage. You lose your mind more and more each year, old man. Fk you, John. Please expect to find red pubes in various meals you consume for the rest of your life. If you f**k with Ethan Albright, you call down the thunder. Rot in Hell, Ethan Albright squrrelco3 01-25-2008, 11:46 AM ^ As Chris Farley said in Tommy Boy... That was "AWESOME...haahaa..." redskinsX89 01-26-2008, 04:18 PM this is amazing he was rated i think the lowest overall rating in madden YEah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!