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More facts about Sean Taylor (Chuck Norris ripoffs)

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Old 02-18-2006, 12:08 PM   #1
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More facts about Sean Taylor (Chuck Norris ripoffs)

Sean Taylor once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now just, the Islands.

Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Sean Taylor got an award for masturbating in public.

Sean Taylor does not leave messages. Sean Taylor leaves warnings.

If Sean Taylor is late, time better slow the hell down.

Sean Taylor died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Sean Taylor shaves with a John Deere tractor.

Similar to a Russian nesting doll, if you were to break Sean Taylor open you would find another Sean Taylor inside, only smaller and angrier.

Sean Taylor frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
In order to survive a nuclear attack, you must remember to stop, drop, and be Sean Taylor.

As a poor college student, Sean Taylor went to the local sperm bank to make some quick cash. He retired later that day.

Sean Taylor recently saw the movie "Brokeback Mountain" and roundhouse kicked everyone in the theatre to death. The movie wasn't the part that pissed him off, it was the fact that they didn't sell babies at the snack bar.

Sean Taylor once roundhouse kicked Bruce Lee, breaking him in half. The result was Jet Li and Jackie Chan.

Sean Taylor takes no prisoners, but he does take their wives.

Sean Taylor never gets brain freeze. Slurpees know when to back the hell off.

The only person ever to beat Sean Taylor in a arm wrestling match was God. Although we all know Sean let him win.

Sean Taylor once roundhouse kicked a midget and it burst into 25 gold coins.

Sean Taylor can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the hell Sean Taylor is.

If you can think of a swear word, chances are Sean Taylor invented it while in bed with your mother.
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Old 02-18-2006, 12:30 PM   #2
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Re: More facts about Sean Taylor (Chuck Norris ripoffs)

On the 7th day, God wasn't resting; he was hiding from Sean Taylor

Uncle Sam doesn't want you anymore. He's got Sean Taylor

Sean Taylor tries this at home

Sean Taylor's penis has a Hemi

Sean Taylor is the sound of one hand clapping

Sean Taylor can speak braille

Sean Taylor is so ahead of his time thats his parents havent even met yet

Sean Taylor is so hardcore he goes hunting with Dick Cheney

When Sean Taylor was an 8-year-old boy he raped Michael Jackson

Sean Taylor fought the law...and he won
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Old 02-18-2006, 01:48 PM   #3
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Re: More facts about Sean Taylor (Chuck Norris ripoffs)

Sean Taylor was too quick for Child Birth and Blitzed from his father's Penis.

lol
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Old 02-19-2006, 07:18 PM   #4
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Re: More facts about Sean Taylor (Chuck Norris ripoffs)

lol these are awesome guys. i'll try and find a few myself.
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Old 02-19-2006, 07:42 PM   #5
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Re: More facts about Sean Taylor (Chuck Norris ripoffs)

Some of these have been posted before...sorry

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Sean Taylor.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Sean Taylor has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Sean Taylor.

Sean Taylor is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Sean Taylor counted to infinity - twice.

When Sean Taylor does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Sean Taylor is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Sean Taylor’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

There is no such thing as global warming. Sean Taylor was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Sean Taylor can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Sean Taylor doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Sean Taylor gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Sean Taylor can slam a revolving door.

Sean Taylor does not get frostbite. Sean Taylor bites frost

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Seantatorship.

Sean Taylor CAN believe it's not butter.

If tapped, a Sean Taylor tackle could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.

Sean Taylor can divide by zero.

Sean Taylor always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.

Sean Taylor grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Sean Taylor lives in Miami

Sean Taylor played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Sean Taylor pajamas.
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Old 02-20-2006, 01:10 AM   #6
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Re: More facts about Sean Taylor (Chuck Norris ripoffs)

The Earth doesn't revolve around the sun, it revolves around Sean Taylor.
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Old 03-10-2006, 06:07 PM   #7
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Re: More facts about Sean Taylor (Chuck Norris ripoffs)

We need to revive this thread today in honor of Chuck Norris' 66th birthday. Happy Birthday Chuck!

Sean Taylor knows the last digit of pi

Sean Taylor irons shirts while he wears them

Sean Taylor ordered a Big Mac at Burger King...and got one
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Old 03-11-2006, 11:33 PM   #8
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Re: More facts about Sean Taylor (Chuck Norris ripoffs)

Basically all these are chuck norris ripoffs, you might've heard them, you might've not, but whateva. Here ya go.

Sean Taylor once commented, “There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none.”

Sean Taylor once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid.

Sean Taylor is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Sean Taylor’s nutsack.

When observing a Sean Taylor roundhouse kick in slow motion, one finds that Chuck Norris actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face.

Sean Taylor put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the king’s horses and all the king’s men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsoy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face. There is only one King.

Sean Taylor started a blog. He then invented new blog technology that allowed him to give all his blog visitors roundhouse kicks to the face.

When little kids ask their mothers who Sean Taylor is, each and every one of them say, your real father.

When Sean Taylor jumps in water, he doesn't get wet, the water gets Sean Taylor'd.

Sean Taylor owns a restauarant called Roundhouse Cafe. The only thing on the menu is pain and untimely death.

When you drink unicorn blood you become invincible, when you drink Sean Taylor's blood you become pure energy and later bring about the apacolypse.

Sean Taylor doesn't cut his grass, he stands in the yard and dares it to grow.

How many rednecks does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, because Sean Taylor roundhouse kicked them all the face and did it himself.

Kids are afraid of the dark, the dark is afraid of Sean Taylor.

Who would win in a fight between Sean Taylor and God? Trick question, Sean Taylor is God.

Sean Taylor can believe it's not butter.

They say only two things can survive a nuclear blast. Cockroaches and Sean Taylor.

When God said,"let there be light". Sean Taylor said,"say please".

Global warming is Sean Taylor's way of saying you need to learn how to swim.

There is only one thing Osama Bin Laden is hiding from... Sean Taylor.

Sean Taylor doesn't listen to music. Music listens to Sean Taylor.

When Sean Taylor was born his parents decided to name him Gaylord Farglesquad, Sean Taylor then gave them both a roundhouse kick to the face and said,” Dammit, bitch, my name will be Sean Taylor.

Sean Taylor does not jump, the earth falls off his feet.

Sean Taylor has no reflection, when Sean Taylor looked in the mirror his reflection ran away.

Sean Taylor does not have sex with a woman to make her pregnant, he simply points to her uterus and says "BAM".

Sean Taylor can touch MC Hammer.

Sean Taylor doesn't tea bag, he potatoe sacks.

Sean Taylor doesn't sleep. He waits.
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Old 03-11-2006, 11:38 PM   #9
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Re: More facts about Sean Taylor (Chuck Norris ripoffs)

woah, thats a lot for one night mooby.
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