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Joke of the day!

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Old 04-25-2007, 03:52 AM   #16
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Re: Joke of the day!

Through The Desert On A Man With No Ears

A man was in a bad accident and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the loss of both ears, which made him very self-conscious. However, he received a large sum of money from his insurance company.
It was always his dream to own his own business, so he went out and purchased a small, but expanding computer firm. But he realized that he had no business knowledge at all, so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business. He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them. The last question of the interview was always the same.

"Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the first candidate.

"Yes. You have no ears."

He quickly eliminated the first candidate.

"Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the second candidate.

"Yes. You have no ears."

He quickly eliminated the second candidate.

"Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the third candidate.

"Yes. You're wearing contacts."

Thinking he had found the man for the job he said, "That's correct. How did you know?"

"You can't wear glasses if you don't have any freakin' ears."
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Old 04-25-2007, 03:57 AM   #17
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Re: Joke of the day!

The Confession

Joe enters the confessional and tells the priest that he has committed adultery.
"Oh, no," said the priest, thinking of the most promiscuous women in town. "Was it with Marie Brown?"

"I''d rather not say who it was."

"Was it with Betty Smith?"

"I''d rather not say," says Joe. So the priest gives him absoultion and Joe leaves. While leaving the church, Joe's friend asks if he recieved absolution.

"Yes, and two very good leads!"
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Old 04-25-2007, 04:00 AM   #18
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Re: Joke of the day!

Becoming a woman

One day Little Sally got her "monthly bleeding" for the first time in her life. Having failed to understand what was going on and being really frightened, she decided to share her trouble with little Joey.
When she found Joey she told him what was happeing, but he didn't quite understand so she showed him what her problem was.

Joey's face got very serious and he said, "You know, I'm no doctor, but it looks like someone ripped your balls off!"
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Old 04-25-2007, 04:26 AM   #19
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Re: Joke of the day!

Two hookers are walking down the street, and one says to the other, "Oooh, honey, it's going to be a good night. I can just smell the dick in the air!" Then the other replies, "Nah, bitch, I just burped!"
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Old 04-25-2007, 04:26 AM   #20
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Re: Joke of the day!

YouTube - Top Gear in Alabama...almost kill them
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Old 04-25-2007, 04:28 AM   #21
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Re: Joke of the day!

Quote:
Originally Posted by GhettoDogAllStars View Post
Two hookers are walking down the street, and one says to the other, "Oooh, honey, it's going to be a good night. I can just smell the dick in the air!" Then the other replies, "Nah, bitch, I just burped!"
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.......hahahahahahah ahahahahahahahahahahahahahah.....ahhhhhh.......... .......hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah a!
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Old 04-25-2007, 09:12 AM   #22
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Re: Joke of the day!

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Older Woman: Is there a problem, officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see


The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
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Old 04-25-2007, 09:37 AM   #23
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Re: Joke of the day!

Quote:
Originally Posted by BDBohnzie View Post
An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Older Woman: Is there a problem, officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see


The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
I'm going to find out if that will really work, right after I castrate myself.
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Old 04-26-2007, 10:10 AM   #24
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Re: Joke of the day!

Wow. This isn't a joke, it's a true story.

Dr. Adams told me to buy a spare tire for myself. Too bad my wife couldn't finish eating it though.
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Old 05-01-2007, 09:21 AM   #25
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Re: Joke of the day!

Can you guys rattle off a few more, I'm doing a daily cut and paste for my o office. thanks
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Old 05-01-2007, 11:03 PM   #26
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Re: Joke of the day!

Quote:
Originally Posted by 12thMan View Post
Can you guys rattle off a few more, I'm doing a daily cut and paste for my o office. thanks
Not trying to give away my secrets, but go to comendy central and you can get them there. I cannot take credit for those.
Comedy Central: Jokes – Yo Mama loves our large variety of funny, funny jokes
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Old 05-02-2007, 10:15 AM   #27
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Re: Joke of the day!

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Originally Posted by angryssg View Post
Not trying to give away my secrets, but go to comendy central and you can get them there. I cannot take credit for those.
Comedy Central: Jokes – Yo Mama loves our large variety of funny, funny jokes

Can't get this link to come up...would you mind cutting and pasting a few for old 12th. Thanks.
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Old 05-03-2007, 01:32 AM   #28
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Re: Joke of the day!

1.Don't Listen to Him

A couple had been married for many years, and their son had gotten old enough to date. One day the boy brought a girl over to diner. The mother was thrilled with her son's choice and couldn't wait for the wedding. However, the father was upset and, eventually, the boy asked, “Dad, why don't you seem happy with her. Mom likes her a lot.”
The father explained, “No son, there's nothing wrong with the girl. It's just that I cheated on your mother a long time ago, and the girl you've been dating is my daughter by that woman.”

So the boy dumped her and found himself another girl. Again, he brought her home to the mother's delight, but the father again told him this girl was actually his half-sister. The boy lost his temper and told his mother what his father had said.

Furious, the mother shouted, “Don't listen to him, sweetheart! He isn't even your father!”

2. Two hicks from West Virginia got married and were having their honeymoon in a local motel. They begin doing what honeymooners always do, but right before they consummate the marriage the woman says, "Be gentle, I'm a virgin."
The man is shocked and visibly upset and storms out of the room without saying a word. He goes home to his family and tells them what happened, and his dad agrees, "If she isn't good enough for her own family, she sure as hell isn't good enough for you!"
Breakfast in Moleland

3. There was a mamma mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole outside of a farm house out in the country.

The papa mole reached his head out of the hole and said, “Mmmmm, I smell sausage.”

The mama mole reached her head outside of the hole and said “Mmmmmm, I smell pancakes.”

The baby mole tried to reach his head outside the hole but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. The baby mole said, “The only thing I can smell is molasses.”
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Old 05-18-2007, 01:56 AM   #29
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Re: Joke of the day!

Today I got a tattoo of a $100 bill on my penis because my wife likes to blow money!
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