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your favorite joke

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Old 11-13-2007, 11:07 PM   #1
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Talking your favorite joke

So with all the bitterness around here caused by the last couple of games I wanted to start a thread and hear everyones favorite joke, maybe it will cause laughter and cheer some people up.
This joke some people found it a little offensive but its my all time favorite, here it goes

There is a Monk, a Rabbi and a Catholic Priest and they are relaxing at a park, all of a sudden the park catches on fire, the Monk yells SAVE THE CHILDREN, the Rabbi yells F**K THE CHILDREN and the Catholic Priest says WE DON'T HAVE TIME.

Hope you guys liked it and post your own favorite joke
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Old 11-13-2007, 11:28 PM   #2
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Re: your favorite joke

Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped
some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them
up, he noticed Bill's wife Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her
dress!

Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on
the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife
followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?"

Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, indeed he
did.

She said, " Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500."

After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of
this offer, John confirms that he is interested. She tells him that
since her husband Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John
should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.

When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house at 2 p.m.
sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 they went to the bedroom
and closed their transaction as agreed. John quickly dressed and left.

As usual, Bill came home from work at 6 p.m., and upon entering the
house, asked his wife abruptly. "Did John come by the house this
afternoon?"

With a lump in her throat, Sue answered "Why yes, he did stop by for a
few minutes this afternoon."

Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did
he give you $500?"

In terror, she assumed that somehow he had found out and after
mustering her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me
$500."

Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying,
"Good, I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and
borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this
afternoon on his way home and pay me back."

Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player
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Old 11-13-2007, 11:34 PM   #3
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Re: your favorite joke

Two hookers are walking down the street.

One says to the other, "Oooh honey! Tonight's gonna be a good night! I can just smell the dick in the air!"

The other one says, "Nah bitch! I just burped!"
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Old 11-19-2007, 04:21 PM   #4
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Re: your favorite joke

White Question and Answers
What's white and fourteen inches long?
Absolutely nothing!

What do you call 500,000 white guys jumping out of a plane?
Snow.

What do you call a bunch of white guys in a circle?
A Dope Ring!

What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
The PGA tour.

Why do so many white people get lost skiing?
It's hard to find them in the snow.

How long does it take for a white women to take a crap?
9 months

What's the difference between a white man and a snake?
One is a evil, cold-blooded, venomous, slimy creature of Satan, and the other is a snake.

How many white men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, white men will screw anything.

What's the flattest surface to iron your jeans on?
A white girl's ass!

What did the black guy do with his M&Ms?
Eat them

What did the white guy try and do with his?
Put them in alphabetical order

What did a white guy see when he looked at his family tree?
A straight line!

What do you call a white serial killer in the courtroom?
-Not guilty

What did the policeman say to the white reckless driver who ran over and killed 10 innocent people?
-Slow it down
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Old 11-19-2007, 05:12 PM   #5
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Re: your favorite joke

lostinthought135,

Those aren't jokes...I thought jokes were suppose to be funny?
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Old 11-19-2007, 05:19 PM   #6
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Re: your favorite joke

Jerry Jones.
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Old 11-19-2007, 05:41 PM   #7
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Re: your favorite joke

Quote:
Originally Posted by saden1 View Post
lostinthought135,

Those aren't jokes...I thought jokes were suppose to be funny?
Those weren't funny at all.
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Old 11-19-2007, 06:19 PM   #8
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Re: your favorite joke

Quote:
Originally Posted by lostinthought135 View Post
White Question and Answers
What's white and fourteen inches long?
Absolutely nothing!

What do you call 500,000 white guys jumping out of a plane?
Snow.

What do you call a bunch of white guys in a circle?
A Dope Ring!

What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
The PGA tour.

Why do so many white people get lost skiing?
It's hard to find them in the snow.

How long does it take for a white women to take a crap?
9 months

What's the difference between a white man and a snake?
One is a evil, cold-blooded, venomous, slimy creature of Satan, and the other is a snake.

How many white men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, white men will screw anything.

What's the flattest surface to iron your jeans on?
A white girl's ass!

What did the black guy do with his M&Ms?
Eat them

What did the white guy try and do with his?
Put them in alphabetical order

What did a white guy see when he looked at his family tree?
A straight line!

What do you call a white serial killer in the courtroom?
-Not guilty

What did the policeman say to the white reckless driver who ran over and killed 10 innocent people?
-Slow it down


^RACIST Alert

~just shakes head
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Old 11-19-2007, 08:19 PM   #9
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Re: your favorite joke

Funny how the joke thread even turned hostile. NOW THAT IS FUNNY!!!!
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Old 11-19-2007, 08:56 PM   #10
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Re: your favorite joke

Hey i'm white and I thought those jokes were hilarious.

Either way, this one is my favorite.

One day a hippie gets on a bus and sits next to a nun. He ask''s her if he could have sex with her. The nun looks at the man and tells him no and gets off at the next bus stop.

Later when its the hippies turn to get off the bus the bus driver tells him I know how you could have sex with that nun. Dress like Jesus and tell her that you want to have sex with her, just go to the grave yard at 6:00pm she''ll be there.

Later that day the hippie does what the bus driver told him. He goes to the graveyard at 6:00pm and just like the bus driver said he saw the nun at a tombstone praying. He walked up to her and told her I am Jesus let me have sex with you. The nun in disbelief looked at Jesus (hippie) and said okay but could it be anal because I want to keep my virginity.

The hippie agrees with this so then he bangs her in the ass. After they had sex the hippie threw his Jesus suit off and said HA! I am the hippie and then the nun took her clothes off and said HA! I am the Bus driver.
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Old 11-19-2007, 09:28 PM   #11
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Re: your favorite joke

Yeah, I didn't find his jokes particularly offensive. A thread like this I'd love to say something in Lisa Lampanelli's skit, but I'd be out for 3 months!
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Old 11-19-2007, 10:59 PM   #12
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Re: your favorite joke

I think it's very borderline. And it's a particularly odd way to welcome yourself to the board

But anyhow,

Two boys were playing football in Golden Gate Park when one is attacked by a Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck. A reporter who was walking by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy!

"Forty Niners' fan saves friend from vicious animal," he starts writing in his notebook.

"But I'm not a Niners fan," the boy replied.

"Oakland Raiders' fan rescues friend from horrific attack," the reporter starts again.

"I'm not a Raiders fan either," the boy said.

"Then what are you?" the reporter asked.

"I'm a Cowboys fan."

The reporter turns to a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Redneck bastard kills family pet."
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Old 11-20-2007, 12:57 AM   #13
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Re: your favorite joke

An elderly woman decides to join a motorcycle gang one day. She walks up to the club house and knocks on the door and a huge, bald headed biker opens the door and looks down to see an elderly woman at his doorstep.

"What do you want?", he asks the lady

"I wanna join your gang", she replies.

"Do you smoke?", he asks her.

She pulls out a carton of Marlboro unfiltered, "A whole pack a day.", she replies

"Well, do you have a ride?", he asks

She points behind her to a huge, gorgeous Harley-Davidson, "That's my pride and joy, right there.", she replies.

"Well, have you ever been caught by the fuzz?", he asks.

The old lady scratches her head and says, "No, but I have been swung around by the nipples a couple of times."
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Old 11-20-2007, 01:05 AM   #14
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Re: your favorite joke

My other favorite joke is of course... a blonde joke.

A blonde, brunette and a redhead are running from the cops. They decide it's best for them to split up and hide on a nearby farm. The brunette hides in the pigpen, the redhead in the cow barn and the blonde decides to hide on the potato patch. Soon the cops arrive and start searching the farm. They first stop by the pigpen.

"Anybody in here?", the cops yell out, shining their flash light into the pigpen
"Oink, Oink Oink", says the brunette.
The cops don't suspect anything suspicious right away and decide to move on

Their next stop is the cow barn.
"Anybody in here?", the cops yell out, shining their flash light into the cow barn
"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO", says the redhead.
The cops don't suspect anything suspicious right away and decide to move on.

Their next stop is the potato patch
"Anybody out here?", the cops yell out, shining their flash light into the potato patch.
It's quiet at first.
Then all of a sudden the blonde goes, "POOOTAAAAATTOOOOOO"
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Old 11-20-2007, 03:40 AM   #15
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Re: your favorite joke

Quote:
Originally Posted by saden1 View Post
lostinthought135,

Those aren't jokes...I thought jokes were suppose to be funny?
The pga tour one got me to chuckle.
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