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Warpath Confessions

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Old 06-04-2008, 12:10 PM   #31
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Re: Warpath Confessions

Quote:
Originally Posted by EternalEnigma21 View Post
Joe if that's true that's hilarious.

I'm on a blackberry so forgive the typing. This one is not for the squeamish!!!


When I was around 17 my gf's parents went out of town for the weekend so I was with her at her house. It was friday night and we had the couchbed out watching movies and getting kinky, all the stuff you do when you're a sexually active 17 year old. I jumped from the bed to go out and smoke a j (she didn't smoke) and when I landed on a piled up blanket, it crunched and squirmed under my foot. Did I mention she had gotten the cutest grey and white kitten that week? Little guy just fit right in the palm of your hand and loved to play. Especially with blankets. To my horror the cat was quietly writhing on the floor bleeding from its ear. It was suffering in the throes of death, while my oblivious gf was naked on the bed in a sex daze. She was just sitting there glowing up at me.

I kicked the cat over to the door and dressed quickly but without alarm. I went to the garage and (ill spare you the details) but basically pulled a dwight schrute mercy killing with a monkey wrench. Then, I waited by the road for a passing truck (were in tx so it wasn't a long wait) and lobbed the carcass into the bed.

She didn't notice until the next morning, and we spent hours looking for her lost cat. I preferred to console over a runaway so that she had hope, rather than reveal the gruesome conclusive truth to her. Never told her. I told my wife about it but that's it. Sorry amy!

Damn....LOL, good J huh.....
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Old 06-04-2008, 12:11 PM   #32
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Re: Warpath Confessions

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Originally Posted by ArtMonkDrillz View Post
There was this one house in college that used to have these huge parties all the time, and I used to always piss all over the bathroom because I hated the guys that lived there. I don't know why I went to so many parties there because I never had fun.
HAHAHAHA! I mean I always had fun when I went, but I just hated the guy who hosted. He always had this camo hat and popped pink collar. The DEFINITION of douchebag.
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Old 06-04-2008, 12:33 PM   #33
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Re: Warpath Confessions

I'm too lazy to join a gym, and because of that, I can do this...

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Old 06-04-2008, 12:42 PM   #34
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Re: Warpath Confessions

The upper deck... U meana deuce? That's nasty!
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Old 06-04-2008, 01:05 PM   #35
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Re: Warpath Confessions

One more...

I was really drunk at a party in my late teens held down the street from my house. A friend of mine thought it would be funny to poke holes in all of my cigarettes, rendering the entire pack impossible to smoke. I was drunk and I'm sure it was hilarious watching me struggle to smoke cigarette after cigarette.

I later found out what happened and decided do have my revenge. I walked home and rifled through my moms beauty products and found some sunless tan cream. I used a dish glove I found in the kitchen to apply the words to his forehead as he lay in a drunken stupor on the couch. "Homo". It was perfect. I reapplied throughout the night and by morning it was a nice deep orangish brown.

Our laughter (I had a few cohorts by this time) woke him and it wasn't long before he figured out what happened. Figuring he knew it was me I prepared for the worst, because he was f'in furious. Especially as he tried in vain to wash it off!

To my amazement he kept asking who did it, so we blamed this college kid we didn't know who was sleeping in the recliner. He walks in the room yelling and soon a fight ensues. My friend easily got the bad end of it and we had to pull the stranger off of him.

To top it all off, after he figured out it was tanning cream he tried to blend it, with some pretty bad results. He wound up going to school (we were seniors) looking like an oompa-loompa who lost a bar fight, and still had the word "homo" in shit brown scrawled across his forehead. This guy was a pretty close friend and I never told him it was me, especially since he got his ass beat over it.
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Old 06-04-2008, 01:22 PM   #36
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Unhappy Re: Warpath Confessions

Quote:
Originally Posted by EternalEnigma21 View Post
Joe if that's true that's hilarious.

I'm on a blackberry so forgive the typing. This one is not for the squeamish!!!


When I was around 17 my gf's parents went out of town for the weekend so I was with her at her house. It was friday night and we had the couchbed out watching movies and getting kinky, all the stuff you do when you're a sexually active 17 year old. I jumped from the bed to go out and smoke a j (she didn't smoke) and when I landed on a piled up blanket, it crunched and squirmed under my foot. Did I mention she had gotten the cutest grey and white kitten that week? Little guy just fit right in the palm of your hand and loved to play. Especially with blankets. To my horror the cat was quietly writhing on the floor bleeding from its ear. It was suffering in the throes of death, while my oblivious gf was naked on the bed in a sex daze. She was just sitting there glowing up at me.

I kicked the cat over to the door and dressed quickly but without alarm. I went to the garage and (ill spare you the details) but basically pulled a dwight schrute mercy killing with a monkey wrench. Then, I waited by the road for a passing truck (were in tx so it wasn't a long wait) and lobbed the carcass into the bed.

She didn't notice until the next morning, and we spent hours looking for her lost cat. I preferred to console over a runaway so that she had hope, rather than reveal the gruesome conclusive truth to her. Never told her. I told my wife about it but that's it. Sorry amy!
I have no words..
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Old 06-04-2008, 01:57 PM   #37
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Re: Warpath Confessions

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Originally Posted by EternalEnigma21 View Post
The upper deck... U meana deuce? That's nasty!
Yup, I won't go into details, but needless to say it makes the water really delightful until you figure out what the problem is.
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Old 06-04-2008, 02:06 PM   #38
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Re: Warpath Confessions

lol an upper decker... I've never gone there but I have pissed all over plenty of bathrooms. I liked to soak down the TP for that nice personal touch.
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Old 06-04-2008, 02:10 PM   #39
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Re: Warpath Confessions

I dropped a duece in someones ceiling fan light, turned it on and about 8 hours later when he came back he couldn't figure out what the smell was, until he looked up.
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Old 06-04-2008, 02:17 PM   #40
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Re: Warpath Confessions

HAHAHA. It seems we all have some nice bodily function confessions.

That's impressive with the ceiling fan light. That had to take some amazing aim.
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Old 06-04-2008, 02:24 PM   #41
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Re: Warpath Confessions

I have never hated anyone enough to do any of the above. Fortunately, no one has hated me (that much) either. Who in the world conjured up the "double decker"?

Last edited by KLHJ2; 06-04-2008 at 02:25 PM.
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Old 06-04-2008, 02:25 PM   #42
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Re: Warpath Confessions

Quote:
Originally Posted by EternalEnigma21 View Post
One more...

I was really drunk at a party in my late teens held down the street from my house. A friend of mine thought it would be funny to poke holes in all of my cigarettes, rendering the entire pack impossible to smoke. I was drunk and I'm sure it was hilarious watching me struggle to smoke cigarette after cigarette.

I later found out what happened and decided do have my revenge. I walked home and rifled through my moms beauty products and found some sunless tan cream. I used a dish glove I found in the kitchen to apply the words to his forehead as he lay in a drunken stupor on the couch. "Homo". It was perfect. I reapplied throughout the night and by morning it was a nice deep orangish brown.

Our laughter (I had a few cohorts by this time) woke him and it wasn't long before he figured out what happened. Figuring he knew it was me I prepared for the worst, because he was f'in furious. Especially as he tried in vain to wash it off!

To my amazement he kept asking who did it, so we blamed this college kid we didn't know who was sleeping in the recliner. He walks in the room yelling and soon a fight ensues. My friend easily got the bad end of it and we had to pull the stranger off of him.

To top it all off, after he figured out it was tanning cream he tried to blend it, with some pretty bad results. He wound up going to school (we were seniors) looking like an oompa-loompa who lost a bar fight, and still had the word "homo" in shit brown scrawled across his forehead. This guy was a pretty close friend and I never told him it was me, especially since he got his ass beat over it.
Holy shit. Between that and your first confession...

To quote George Costanza, I'm speechless. I have no speech...
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Old 06-04-2008, 02:30 PM   #43
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Re: Warpath Confessions

The last job I had got the ol' upper decker when I left. It wasn't pretty. I don't want to go into great detail but it was after a healthy helping of shredded wheat.

Ahhhh, memories!
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Old 06-04-2008, 02:40 PM   #44
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Re: Warpath Confessions

I never realized upper deckers were so popular.
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Old 06-04-2008, 02:43 PM   #45
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Re: Warpath Confessions

I never messed with the poo for a practical joke, but my buddy did when we were 15.

He and I were at another guy's house, and my buddy goes upstairs into the bathroom to drop a deuce. When he comes down, he describes how he took the toothbrush by the sink and rubbed it into his deuce, then put the toothbrush right back where he left it.

I was appalled, yet couldn't stop laughing.
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