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Warpath Confessions

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Old 06-04-2008, 01:55 PM   #46
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Re: Warpath Confessions

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I'm too lazy to join a gym, and because of that, I can do this...

OK! OK! I'll talk! In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids before they served lunch I stole some nuts and I pigged out and so they kicked me out... But the worst thing I ever done - I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.
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Old 06-04-2008, 02:06 PM   #47
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Re: Warpath Confessions

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OK! OK! I'll talk! In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids before they served lunch I stole some nuts and I pigged out and so they kicked me out... But the worst thing I ever done - I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.
I confess that I stole and buried some of the gold from One-Eyed Willie's ship...but I won't confess where
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Old 06-04-2008, 02:16 PM   #48
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Re: Warpath Confessions

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I confess that I stole and buried some of the gold from One-Eyed Willie's ship...but I won't confess where
You better watch it SS. Mama Fratelli going to get ya!
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Old 06-04-2008, 02:23 PM   #49
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Re: Warpath Confessions

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OK! OK! I'll talk! In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids before they served lunch I stole some nuts and I pigged out and so they kicked me out... But the worst thing I ever done - I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.
Well done! Haven't seen that movie in ages.

Ok, here goes. My freshman year of college (which I don't remember much of) I was really into this girl. I lost my virginity to her, and we had some pretty wild encounters. Anyway, the dorm I lived in had a large lobby area with little study rooms off to the side. Each study room had it's own bathroom. It was an older dormitory, and the sinks in the bathroom were those old white cast iron things with metal pipes. Well, we were a little tipsy having been at the bar all night, and couldn't wait to get busy, but my roommates were sleeping. So into the bathroom we go. I close the door, dropped my pants, she got completely naked, and I propped her up on the sink. I looked at the sink and thought, no problem, this will hold her for sure. And it's not like she was a fat chick. Well two minutes later, that god damn sink came crashing from it's mounts on the white tile wall, the thick metal pipe snapped like a twig, and water started gushing out at the rate of a fire hose. Her clothes were on the floor and immediately drenched, and had my pants around my ankles, also soaked. We just looked at each other wide eyed for what felt like 5 minutes but was probably only a second. I quickly looked at the sink on the floor, and immediately saw there was no hope for a MacGyver-type save.

So she covered herself quickly with her wet clothes, and I stumbled out of the bathroom and fell face first in the study room since my pants were still around my ankles. That water was gushing so damn fast and hard, in no time at all water was pouring out into the lobby. Thank god it was about 3am and no one was there. There were large bushes out front, like 10 feet tall, so we darted out the front door of the building, quickly got our clothes on behind the bushes, and made a bee line for her dorm across campus to lay low, giggling like idiots the whole way.

Turns out water starting leaking through the ceiling onto some sleeping students (yes there were a few dorm rooms in the basement) and they called campus police. All the carpeting on the first floor was ruined, a few computers got fried, tons of water damage, and A LOT of pissed off people. And I assume a massive plumbing bill. Police had a vandalism investigation, and they interviewed all 100+ students who lived in the building. Of course I didn't tell my roommates, and when I told police I wasn't there, they all corroborated the fact that I never came home that night, and was in her dorm the whole time. I was scared shitless, and it was a big deal around campus when it happened. We didn't tell a soul, and were never caught. So there ya go Warpath.
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Old 06-04-2008, 02:28 PM   #50
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Re: Warpath Confessions

lol great story GM
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Old 06-04-2008, 02:43 PM   #51
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Re: Warpath Confessions

HAHA! Talk about super-soaking that ho!
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Old 06-04-2008, 03:03 PM   #52
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Re: Warpath Confessions

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lol great story GM
Thanks. What a crazy night. But short of JFK's assassin stepping forward, I don't think ANYTHING can top EternalEnigma's kitty confession.
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Old 06-04-2008, 03:07 PM   #53
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Re: Warpath Confessions

When I was in kindergarten it was nap time and I found a staple on the floor. For god knows what reason I told the kid next to me that he needed to close his eyes and open his mouth and I was going to give him some candy. I tossed the staple down his throat and needless to say he started coughing like crazy, I don't remember if he actually swallowed it or not. I got in trouble and had to move over to the girls side for the rest of nap time.

I also tried to choke my baby brother with a phone cord, and one time my Mom said she caught me holding a pillow over my brother's face.

I was a bit of a devil child I guess.
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Old 06-04-2008, 03:14 PM   #54
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Re: Warpath Confessions

Gm I was reading that and couldn't look away long enough to realize I was completely mixing the rong chemicals hahha

Great story
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Old 06-05-2008, 11:20 AM   #55
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Re: Warpath Confessions

Great story GM, that is hilarious. As for me, well I've been in my fair share of trouble. Back when I was in high school, when I was in 10th grade, well me and my friends, weren't exactly choir boys to say the least. One saturday morning we were really bored and wanted something to do, and we saw this guy we knew from high school drive past us in a fucking sweet ass looking 84 Mustang. Well none of us had cars at the time, and we watched as he drove down the street and parked at this house about a couple blocks down the road. We hated this kid because in school he was a loudmouth, ignorant a-hole who loved the smell of his own farts, to put it like that. So we decided to go take my friend's mothers new pack of baloney and go stick it all over his car lol. In case nobody has any idea what that will do to a car, well let's just say it will ruin a paint job pretty damn well.

So we snuck up to his house and stuck about 8 slices of baloney all over his nice looking 84 Mustang, we put like 3 on the hood, 4 on each door/side of the car, and 1 on the trunk. So we went back to my friend's house and sat on the porch and just started talking, because we wanted to see how long he would be inside the house because it takes time. Well about 5 hours later we noticed he came out of the house, and he just started flipping out like some shit. We just started laughing our asses off and then we went back inside. He drove past us when he left and even though it wasn't on his car that long it messed up his car because you could see all the spots where we had put the baloney, it was like an uglier shade of blue compared to the rest of his car.

Now that I have my drivers license, and I have my own car now that I actually just got yesterday, well lets just say I feel kinda bad about it, because now that I know the actual costs that come with getting a new paint job and things of that nature, that must've really sucked for him. I know if that happened to my car I'd be extremely pissed off about it lol. I'm gonna chalk that one up to being a teenager lol.
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Old 06-05-2008, 02:40 PM   #56
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Re: Warpath Confessions

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Joe if that's true that's hilarious.

I'm on a blackberry so forgive the typing. This one is not for the squeamish!!!


When I was around 17 my gf's parents went out of town for the weekend so I was with her at her house. It was friday night and we had the couchbed out watching movies and getting kinky, all the stuff you do when you're a sexually active 17 year old. I jumped from the bed to go out and smoke a j (she didn't smoke) and when I landed on a piled up blanket, it crunched and squirmed under my foot. Did I mention she had gotten the cutest grey and white kitten that week? Little guy just fit right in the palm of your hand and loved to play. Especially with blankets. To my horror the cat was quietly writhing on the floor bleeding from its ear. It was suffering in the throes of death, while my oblivious gf was naked on the bed in a sex daze. She was just sitting there glowing up at me.

I kicked the cat over to the door and dressed quickly but without alarm. I went to the garage and (ill spare you the details) but basically pulled a dwight schrute mercy killing with a monkey wrench. Then, I waited by the road for a passing truck (were in tx so it wasn't a long wait) and lobbed the carcass into the bed.

She didn't notice until the next morning, and we spent hours looking for her lost cat. I preferred to console over a runaway so that she had hope, rather than reveal the gruesome conclusive truth to her. Never told her. I told my wife about it but that's it. Sorry amy!
damn dude, not to go all religous on you but i heard jesus likes kittens. sad story but well written.
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Old 06-06-2008, 09:16 AM   #57
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Re: Warpath Confessions

I confess to having way too much to drink last saturday night while out on the town celebrating my wife's birthday with some friends. So much so that I skipped and "danced" my way home singing Busta Rhyme's "Dangerous". I hit some street signs and mock humped a Hummer H2. Ahhh good times. Nice to know the crazy 21 year old is still in me somewhere.
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Old 06-06-2008, 09:50 AM   #58
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Re: Warpath Confessions

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I confess to having way too much to drink last saturday night while out on the town celebrating my wife's birthday with some friends. So much so that I skipped and "danced" my way home singing Busta Rhyme's "Dangerous". I hit some street signs and mock humped a Hummer H2. Ahhh good times. Nice to know the crazy 21 year old is still in me somewhere.
LOL!

That's hilarious because I know every single word to that song.

Silly wit my 9 milli, what the dilly, yo?
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Old 06-06-2008, 09:59 AM   #59
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Re: Warpath Confessions

LOL

This, is, serious
We could make you delirious
You should have a healthy fear of us
Cause too much of us is dangerous
So dangerous, we so dangerous
My Flipmode Squad is dangerous
So dangerous, we so dangerous
My whole entire unit is dangerous
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Old 06-06-2008, 10:04 AM   #60
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Re: Warpath Confessions

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LOL

This, is, serious
We could make you delirious
You should have a healthy fear of us
Cause too much of us is dangerous
So dangerous, we so dangerous
My Flipmode Squad is dangerous
So dangerous, we so dangerous
My whole entire unit is dangerous
Hold your breath
We swingin it from right to left
With the Wyclef, **** should be hot to def.
Stayin alive, you know only the strongest survive,
Holdin my heat, under my seat, whippin the five!
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