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Old 06-11-2009, 08:19 PM   #1
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On Marriage

For those of you who are married what tips do you have for us unmarried guys? How and where did you propose? Why did you propose to her? What do you do to keep the spark going? What kind of adjustments did you have to make? What kind of impact have the children had on your marriage?
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Old 06-11-2009, 09:04 PM   #2
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Re: On Marriage

1. Denny's, I had the waitress put the ring in her dessert. Not the most romantic place and she damn near choked on the ring.

2. At the time I thought that I was in love with her and I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. Now I am still with her and I imagine being with someone else all of the time.

3. Role playing definitely helps, but I found that the biggest thing that makes the relationship stronger is when you F up real bad and it jeopardizes the whole marriage. As soon as you realize that you can lose her for good it snaps you back to reality. The love of a good woman is irreplaceable. It makes you remember the way you felt when you first fell in love, though I would not recommend taking this course of action.

3. I married an older woman, so she had to do more adjusting to my immature habbits than I had to adjust to her. Over time you just start getting wiser about how you spend your money and time. On top of that you realize that the world doesn't revolve around you and you start to make better decisions based on the two of you. Picking your battles can be thrown in there somewhere.

4. Honestly, children make a marriage tougher, but if it were not for my children our marriage might not have lasted. If your girl was wild before kids expect that behavior to come to a screeching halt. Guys tend to still be guys when they first have children. Most women become instant nurturers overnight. It usually takes us guys a while to catch up.

I know that I really haven’t told you anything, but in reality you cannot teach experience. At the same time everyone’s experience is different.

I wish you well and hope I have helped, even if the information provided was minimal.
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Old 06-11-2009, 09:51 PM   #3
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Re: On Marriage

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1
2. At the time I thought that I was in love with her and I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. Now I am still with her and I imagine being with someone else all of the time.
.
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Old 06-12-2009, 08:04 AM   #4
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Re: On Marriage

I think everyone should have to wait until at least the age of 30 to get married, and you should also have to live with that person for at least a year prior. No kids until after 30 as well.
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Old 06-12-2009, 08:47 AM   #5
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Re: On Marriage

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Originally Posted by Mattyk72 View Post
I think everyone should have to wait until at least the age of 30 to get married, and you should also have to live with that person for at least a year prior. No kids until after 30 as well.

I agree with you. I got married when I was 32 and had a kid at 34, my wife was 30 when we got married. We were together for 3 years before hand and had lived together two years. You really are not married until you have kids that is the big test, that may not be a fair statement but it sure feels like it.

Marriage and children are a lot of work. In a healthy marriage I think you always love the other person but at times your level of liking that person can raise and fall. It is all about compromise.
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Old 06-12-2009, 09:17 AM   #6
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Re: On Marriage

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Originally Posted by saden1 View Post
For those of you who are married what tips do you have for us unmarried guys? How and where did you propose? Why did you propose to her? What do you do to keep the spark going? What kind of adjustments did you have to make? What kind of impact have the children had on your marriage?
1. Surprised her with a romantic dinner at her apartment, flew in her parents, sister, and grandmother the next day to surprise her (again) and celebrate with my family. Had Mike Tirico do the play-by-play (just kidding)

2. Tax benefits...honestly because she keeps it real with me. She's blunt, which often pisses me off for sure, but at the same time there's something special about being able to be completely ourselves with each other. She was the first person I really didn't feel I had to try to impress all the time.

3. It's tough, because we're just not dating anymore. We have everyday responsibilities (work, bills), but we push each other to get out and be active. We've taken cooking classes together, tennis lessons, we go for runs together. I don't know if that's about a spark per se, but it keeps us in each other's company. Which is one of the nice things about married life. You always have something to do stuff with. By the same token, it also helps to allow us each to do our own thing when we want. Come Sundays in the fall I'll stay home and watch football and she'll hit up the outlet malls. Also, no matter what our time or budget constraints are, every week we have "date night". Just one night where the two of us go out and enjoy a night out.

4. It's not just about me (or her) anymore. Every decision each of us makes (big decisions that is), you have to think of the other person. What impact does it have on them? That's probably the biggest adjustment, having to think of someone else 24x7.

5. No kids yet
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Old 06-12-2009, 09:20 AM   #7
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Re: On Marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by saden1 View Post
For those of you who are married what tips do you have for us unmarried guys? How and where did you propose? Why did you propose to her? What do you do to keep the spark going? What kind of adjustments did you have to make? What kind of impact have the children had on your marriage?
"A man is a man all of his life, but a woman is only sexy until she becomes your WIFE" -AL BUNDY-

LOL, sorry but i was rolling when he said that.
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Old 06-12-2009, 09:21 AM   #8
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Re: On Marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by saden1 View Post
For those of you who are married what tips do you have for us unmarried guys? How and where did you propose? Why did you propose to her? What do you do to keep the spark going? What kind of adjustments did you have to make? What kind of impact have the children had on your marriage?
1. Tips: Never draw to an inside straight; buy low, sell high and neither a borrower or a lender be.

2. In Cumberland at a romantic bed and breakfest.

3. Because she was the only one crazy enough to say yes.

4. You expect me to give away ALL my secrets? You fool you.

5. Naps? Forget about it. Women hate sleeping men. Learning how to to "lose" the argument and still get my way.

6. Children are great, extra great. Hard on the marriage for the first 10 years as they require so much attention. Tends to make the marriage almost a business arrangement between the spouses as they deal with schools, bills, schedules, maintaining the house. Very important to on occassion take time to say "oh hey, I remember you - I think I really like you!", let her know she's still very much an attractive and beautiful woman.
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Old 06-12-2009, 10:46 AM   #9
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Re: On Marriage

So does these mean your thinking of getting hitched?

I proposed on Christmas eve right before we head over to my aunts and uncles house for our christmas get together. It was funny because we did not tell anyone and just waited until someone finally notice her ring. My wife was funny because she kept waving her hand while she was talking to peopl and it took about an hour until my sister finally noticed her ring and my sister started yelling and jumping up and down as the rest of the family thought she was nuts. We have a 2 1/2 year old and she has actually brought me and my wife closer but it was a big adjustment in our life. I find one of the biggest thing in a mariage is to just be fair to her sharing in the everyday things that need to be done. Also be fair in your free time allowing her just as much free time as you take for your self. Like if you take 5 hours to go play golf make sure you give her the time to do something she wants to do for her self. Thats a whole lot easier without kids and its very important when you do have children. The main thing to keep in mind is to make sure she is the right person for you and you have alot of stuff in common.
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Old 06-12-2009, 11:24 AM   #10
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Re: On Marriage

This is a great thread.

You know what they say about the reason a woman is smiling as she walks down the aisle right? Well, it's true unfortunately.

Got married at 31, it's been 4 years and we have a 3 yr old and a 2 year old. It's alot of work period but w/ kids it's more work.
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Old 06-12-2009, 11:39 AM   #11
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Re: On Marriage

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Originally Posted by Mattyk72 View Post
I think everyone should have to wait until at least the age of 30 to get married, and you should also have to live with that person for at least a year prior. No kids until after 30 as well.
What is the reasoning behind these policies?
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Old 06-12-2009, 11:40 AM   #12
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Re: On Marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by Angry View Post
1. Denny's, I had the waitress put the ring in her dessert. Not the most romantic place and she damn near choked on the ring.

2. At the time I thought that I was in love with her and I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. Now I am still with her and I imagine being with someone else all of the time.

3. Role playing definitely helps, but I found that the biggest thing that makes the relationship stronger is when you F up real bad and it jeopardizes the whole marriage. As soon as you realize that you can lose her for good it snaps you back to reality. The love of a good woman is irreplaceable. It makes you remember the way you felt when you first fell in love, though I would not recommend taking this course of action.

3. I married an older woman, so she had to do more adjusting to my immature habbits than I had to adjust to her. Over time you just start getting wiser about how you spend your money and time. On top of that you realize that the world doesn't revolve around you and you start to make better decisions based on the two of you. Picking your battles can be thrown in there somewhere.

4. Honestly, children make a marriage tougher, but if it were not for my children our marriage might not have lasted. If your girl was wild before kids expect that behavior to come to a screeching halt. Guys tend to still be guys when they first have children. Most women become instant nurturers overnight. It usually takes us guys a while to catch up.

I know that I really haven’t told you anything, but in reality you cannot teach experience. At the same time everyone’s experience is different.

I wish you well and hope I have helped, even if the information provided was minimal.
Very nice post.


LOOOOOL
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Old 06-12-2009, 11:44 AM   #13
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Re: On Marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by firstdown View Post
So does these mean your thinking of getting hitched?

I proposed on Christmas eve right before we head over to my aunts and uncles house for our christmas get together. It was funny because we did not tell anyone and just waited until someone finally notice her ring. My wife was funny because she kept waving her hand while she was talking to peopl and it took about an hour until my sister finally noticed her ring and my sister started yelling and jumping up and down as the rest of the family thought she was nuts. We have a 2 1/2 year old and she has actually brought me and my wife closer but it was a big adjustment in our life. I find one of the biggest thing in a mariage is to just be fair to her sharing in the everyday things that need to be done. Also be fair in your free time allowing her just as much free time as you take for your self. Like if you take 5 hours to go play golf make sure you give her the time to do something she wants to do for her self. Thats a whole lot easier without kids and its very important when you do have children. The main thing to keep in mind is to make sure she is the right person for you and you have alot of stuff in common.

I got my finger on the trigger ready to fire at a beautiful figure. Only problem is she likes the idea of a fall wedding and I'm like "nu-uh, that's football season!"
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Old 06-12-2009, 11:47 AM   #14
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Re: On Marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattyk72 View Post
I think everyone should have to wait until at least the age of 30 to get married, and you should also have to live with that person for at least a year prior. No kids until after 30 as well.
In principle I agree with this, but I'd say if you're as mature as a typical 30 year old when you're 25, then go ahead and get married.

I got married at 24, but was very much settled down and was continuously making mature decisions. It has worked well for me.

Likewise, if you're as mature as a typical 25 year old when you're 40, then I'd still say don't get married.
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Old 06-12-2009, 11:49 AM   #15
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Re: On Marriage

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Originally Posted by saden1 View Post
What is the reasoning behind these policies?
The divorce rate is much higher amongst people who get married in their 20's vs. their 30's. Same for those that have kids early.

Feel each other out, if it's meant to be there should be no rush.
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