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death sucks

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Old 11-19-2009, 10:50 PM   #1
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death sucks

i have been very fortunate in my life, i haven't had to deal with family deaths, i have both parents and all four grandparents around which i feel very fortunate to have since i will be getting married next year.

i have only had to go to a handful of funerals two friends, other friends family and great grand parents, which i don't really remember. the friends were hard it sucks losing some one so young, both were right around 20 when they died, i still visit them a few times a year. both of them had closed casket funerals and wakes, as well as the rest i have been too.

this evening i went to the wake for a couple friends of mine's mother, she was only 55, and they are all around my age mid 20's. it was the first open casket i have ever seen. i have seen dead people before but no one i knew, it really f-ed me up tonight, i haven't really kept in touch with them like we used to when we were younger, but we are still friends. i see them every so often as well as i used to see their mom. but seeing one i knew lying there really got to me, my stomach has been in a knot for a while, it was just weird.

i'm going to the funeral tomorrow hopefully it will be a little better, who knows. just needed to vent a little, and by the way death sucks.
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Old 11-19-2009, 11:02 PM   #2
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Re: death sucks

it sucks, but it is part of our life...... just be supportive
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Old 11-19-2009, 11:14 PM   #3
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Re: death sucks

Its kinda crazy, we're one of the countries where many people tend to go to great lengths to not talk about death or to shield themselves or others from it. I took a few courses from the Thanatology branch of Psychology. (They're linked up at my school) We actually took a field trip to a funeral home, got to see the actual process of cremating someone. When we went a man gave us permission to view the machine they use while his wife was currently being cremated. I mean it was obviously a bit creepy, but somewhat sobering.

And you know, I'm no Dr. or anything, but what you're doing is good. Even though we're all strangers, its good to let your grief and confusion out. Worse thing you can do is bottle it up. Pretty much anyone can tell you that.

Surround yourself and your friend with support and love and everything will hopefully heal in time.

God bless.
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Old 11-19-2009, 11:30 PM   #4
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Re: death sucks

What DRave is correct. Good to talk about it and probably easier with strangers like us. Time heals.....most as it will this. My dad died a few years ago......young. I think about him every day and talk to him almost as often. I still feel emotional about it and can get misty eyed pretty easy thinking about it. BUT, that is the way I always want it to be.....not to far away to be......distant. It's....ok
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Old 11-19-2009, 11:38 PM   #5
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Re: death sucks


You have my deepest condolences. I will say I am 42, and have NEVER experienced a close relative or friend's death. I have been to one funeral. I hope you can find peace
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Old 11-19-2009, 11:57 PM   #6
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Re: death sucks

Unfortunately I've been around death quite a bit. I'm only 31, and I've seen 3 out of 4 grandparents pass away. All three were open caskets, all three obviously upset me a lot.

During my senior year of high school, one of my close friends lost his older brother in a freak car accident. That funeral was so effing sad. The guys middle name was "Dearborn," and just seeing his parents' faces... man I get choked up even thinking about it.

Less than a year later, the start of my freshman year of college, was just the worst. I went to college with that same guy who lost his brother. Well, less than a month into our first semester, his long time girlfriend (who was just about the smartest, most beautiful girl you could ever imagine), was killed along with three other girls by a drunk driver down in Winston-Salem (she went to Wake Forest). This poor guy lost his brother and the love of his life in an 8 month span. I was in his dorm room when he got the phone call about his girlfriend. One of the worst days of my life.

Then, about two months later, my grandma was diagnosed with advanced stage 4 colon cancer. She was dead 6 weeks later. I was very, very close to her. A couple of months after that, a kid I grew up with my whole life decided to hang himself.

I can honestly say that was hands down the worst year+ of my life. But I sure as hell learned a lot about gratitude.

You have my condolences.
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Old 11-20-2009, 12:09 AM   #7
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Re: death sucks

Haven't lost my parents but I've lost my share of friends and family. I think the three that hit me most were and still affect me were my grandmother, my best friend's sister (who was like a big sister to me-she died of cancer when she wasn't even 30 years old, to see her waste away was really sad), and my college roommate.

My other grandparents all died when I was very young so I never really knew them but what might have been arguably worse was my grandmother not knowing who I was. I was 20 when she passed away and for the last 11 years of her life she had Alzheimer's and had no idea who I was. That was pretty painful.

And then when my college roommate was shot and killed a couple of years ago that really hurt. I was planning to see him very soon and had vowed that we needed to do a better job of keeping in touch. I still think about him a lot. Death does suck
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Old 11-20-2009, 09:51 AM   #8
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Re: death sucks

Yes, yes, it's the very worst thing you'll ever go through.
Regret nothing. At one time it was exactly what you wanted.
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Old 11-20-2009, 10:10 AM   #9
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Re: death sucks

I can't imagine life without my parents, this scares me the most. they are in their early 60's and in good health.

My folks live a mile from me and we see them a lot and they help with caring for my son.

Now if my mom ask me to go to dinner with her I always try to make it regardless if I am tired or not becasue I know some day she won't be there for dinner.

Last weekend I had to replace some brick molding around my house and my dad offered to help. Really I could have knocked it out much faster without his help but we had a ball doing it and some quality time together.

Isn't funny how guys communicate better when they are working on something together vs. sitting at a table trying to talk.
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Old 11-20-2009, 10:32 AM   #10
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Re: death sucks

F death
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Old 11-20-2009, 10:48 AM   #11
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Re: death sucks

Originally Posted by mredskins View Post
I can't imagine life without my parents, this scares me the most. they are in their early 60's and in good health.
Losing my parents is probably my greatest fear in life. Both of my parents lost their fathers when they were young, my mom was 11 and my dad was 20, and I just can't imagine how much that would hurt.
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Old 11-20-2009, 12:14 PM   #12
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Re: death sucks

I have lost 5 grand parents and like 4 friends. I know you can't have 5 GP but my dads dad died when I was 3 and my grandmother got married again when I was around 11. I spent alot of time with him and never really thought of him as a step GP. When I played in a band over 10 years and different bands we had 3 members die. One of the guys I was pretty close to and he had a wife and two very young daughters and that was a tough funeral to attend.
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Old 11-20-2009, 12:16 PM   #13
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Re: death sucks

Yeah death does blow hard.

When I was in the fourth grade I was hanging out with my friends playing basketball. My sister yells from a couple houses away and tells me that my mom wants me. I'm thinking that I'm in trouble for cleaning my room. She said she was on the phone and that she looked mad so I'm shook. We walk in the house (we had a split foyer) and I look up the steps and she get's off the phone. I walk up with that I didn't do it look. She put her hands on my face and said, "Baby, your father died today". Now I'm 32 and that day still kills me. I always wished that he could've been there to see me graduate, to see me get married, be there when I had my son and to be here knowing that he carries the name that he passed to me, be there for the guy talks... but it was okay. I just hope that if I go early that my son can remember me the way I remember my father. He wasn't the best guy, Lord knows he had his issues but damn he was the fucking greatest for me !

That day fucking sucked for me. I've lost 3 grandparents, aunts, uncles, and latest a very close friend to and athesma attack no less. I'm fearful of the days that I lose my mother, sisters, friends, if I am still here. I'm more so worried about my wife losing her parents because she has never experienced the death of someone very close to her before.

Give them their flowers while they can smell them, tell them you love them when you can see them, and hug them while they are with you.
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Old 11-20-2009, 01:00 PM   #14
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Re: death sucks

I view dying differently. I'm actually looking forward to it. Don't get me wrong, I'm in no hurry to dip out. Most of my family and friends have passed on. It will be good to see them again. I don't subscribe to any of the Semite religions. Death is a good thing IMO. Yeah, it sucks when you lose the company of a friend or relation, but they've got places to go and things to do.

The Earth is boring. Next time I'm going to petition for a new MOS or billet. Perhaps I can get the job of designing things, like the midgets on Time Bandits?
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Old 11-20-2009, 01:08 PM   #15
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Re: death sucks

HA ! Time Bandits ! OMG !
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