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F...people who tell you how to parent

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Old 02-17-2010, 11:06 AM   #16
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Re: F...people who tell you how to parent

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Originally Posted by JoeRedskin View Post
Here's a question: What do you do if you see a person disciplining a small child (say less than 4) in a grocery store by using excessive force - slapping, hitting or otherwise violent behavior?

Do you say something? Ignore it?
I think thats a tough one. I dont know what i would do, but at the same time i wouldn't know the situation. I do know enough to know that "time outs" or a "talking to" has a 0% effect on children today. There has to be a safe, happy balance.

I would get my ass kicked as a kid...not abuse at all, but when i screwed up, i got what was coming to me. And that's why i'm still behaved and respectful today....never been in trouble with the law, etc....i think good discipline gets overlooked in today's world...
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Old 02-17-2010, 11:10 AM   #17
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Re: F...people who tell you how to parent

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I think thats a tough one. I dont know what i would do, but at the same time i wouldn't know the situation. I do know enough to know that "time outs" or a "talking to" has a 0% effect on children today. There has to be a safe, happy balance.

I would get my ass kicked as a kid...not abuse at all, but when i screwed up, i got what was coming to me. And that's why i'm still behaved and respectful today....never been in trouble with the law, etc....i think good discipline gets overlooked in today's world...
You're opening a whole different can of worms here. Discipline doesn't have to mean a beating or ass kicking. If you got your "ass kicked", sounds like abuse to me.
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Old 02-17-2010, 11:16 AM   #18
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Re: F...people who tell you how to parent

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well like what would you guys do if you would have been in my situation. Granted, that is the extreme and not the general thing you encounter, but still....someone had to do something there. I wasn't going to take my then-girlfriend and just leave....

I as a parent I would have ignored it and sucked it up, by the description of the mother sounds like you were in a cheap family restaurant not Ruth Chris Steak House.

On my flight back from the West Coast a young couple had a 10 or 12 month old on the plane and he was just plain miserable. I felt so sad becasue that easily could have been me with my son. I want to help them but not tell them what to do. Towards the end he was real bad just tired and hungry and sick of the plane I am sure. So I grabbed into my carry on and brought out a truck I bought for my son and open the tray and started to play with it. It caught his attention and the parents asked if he could play with it. It quieted him down for a good while.

Remember this when you hear a screaming baby at one time you were that screaming baby and that screaming baby also represents our future as race so give him/her the benefit of the doubt someday you may need them.


Now if I saw a baby in danger or being abused I would step no question.
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Old 02-17-2010, 11:18 AM   #19
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Re: F...people who tell you how to parent

Sorry Matt,

i should clarify. Our father had a stern hand...maybe by today's rules, it would be classified as abuse. BUT, i can tell you, that is what kept me out of trouble, and i thank my dad for that.

I do not believe in the "hands off" parenting approach that so many people take these days. I think a spanking, or even worse, a whipping, may be deserved for some things...

I hope i didnt mislead anybody
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Old 02-17-2010, 11:19 AM   #20
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Re: F...people who tell you how to parent

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Originally Posted by SolidSnake84 View Post
I think thats a tough one. I dont know what i would do, but at the same time i wouldn't know the situation. I do know enough to know that "time outs" or a "talking to" has a 0% effect on children today. There has to be a safe, happy balance.

I would get my ass kicked as a kid...not abuse at all, but when i screwed up, i got what was coming to me. And that's why i'm still behaved and respectful today....never been in trouble with the law, etc....i think good discipline gets overlooked in today's world...
I'd like to know where you got this information.
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Old 02-17-2010, 11:21 AM   #21
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Re: F...people who tell you how to parent

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I think thats a tough one. I dont know what i would do, but at the same time i wouldn't know the situation. I do know enough to know that "time outs" or a "talking to" has a 0% effect on children today. There has to be a safe, happy balance.

I would get my ass kicked as a kid...not abuse at all, but when i screwed up, i got what was coming to me. And that's why i'm still behaved and respectful today....never been in trouble with the law, etc....i think good discipline gets overlooked in today's world...

Not true! I use both of those on my son and they work with great effect. Even at two he feels shame and a sense of doing wrong. To me hitting a child is the easy way to discipline.

I was never once hit by my parents and I like to think I turned out pretty damn good.

I also think if you do want to hit your child, in reason, that is your choice to raise your child. I personally don't think it is effective.
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Old 02-17-2010, 11:21 AM   #22
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Re: F...people who tell you how to parent

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Originally Posted by JoeRedskin View Post
Here's a question: What do you do if you see a person disciplining a small child (say less than 4) in a grocery store by using excessive force - slapping, hitting or otherwise violent behavior?

Do you say something? Ignore it?
Depends how bad it is. I don't like to spank my daughter (she's 3) but I have and will again I'm sure. Never in public, mind you, that takes some balls.

If I see a parent using an open hand to slap with the goal being to sting the child's skin, then I'm fine with that, that's just a parent disciplining and using the proper restraint to ensure the child doesn't get injured. The second I see a closed fist I'd have to say something or place a call to the police.

Also, one or two slaps is all a kid needs to get the message across. I'd get concerned if a parent was repeatedly slapping, even with an open hand. That's a sign the parent is doing it out of frustration.

And the parents' demeanor matters too. If they're cool and collected while delivering the spank, then I'm comfortable that it's under control. If they look like they're starting to enter a fit of rage or frustration, then that's bad news.
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Old 02-17-2010, 11:25 AM   #23
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Re: F...people who tell you how to parent

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Sorry Matt,

i should clarify. Our father had a stern hand...maybe by today's rules, it would be classified as abuse. BUT, i can tell you, that is what kept me out of trouble, and i thank my dad for that.

I do not believe in the "hands off" parenting approach that so many people take these days. I think a spanking, or even worse, a whipping, may be deserved for some things...

I hope i didnt mislead anybody

WTF???? Are you raising horses? I would not even whip a horse.

I think when you spank or whip a child you are releasing your angry for the situation more then you are actually disciplining the child.

How can using violence to disicpline a child be teaching them a good lesson.

"If someone does wrong they should be hit." - child's mind
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Old 02-17-2010, 11:26 AM   #24
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Re: F...people who tell you how to parent

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I'd like to know where you got this information.
Well i'll be happy to tell you. There is a family who lives in our culdesac, two houses over.

They have 2 kids....a 9 year old, and a 5 year old. Just 2 months ago, the 9 year old went to school and told his classmate that he was going to shoot him with an AK 47. No lie. My wife knows the mother. She goes on and on about how when she was growing up, they would get in big trouble for that stuff.

But she laments further that her husband has recently "found god", and now is real hesitant to put a hand on him, because the preacher told him all this stuff and bla bla bla. (I'm thinking spare the rod, spoil the child).

Anyhow, they put him in "time out", where he still gets his XBOX, TV, etc etc...he's a problem in school and the neighborhood kids don't play with him because of how they are, so we hear all this stuff from neighbors.

Anyway, it sounds to me like time out isn't working. So if you're telling me a "hands-off" parenting approach works, i'll call you a liar.
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Old 02-17-2010, 11:28 AM   #25
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Re: F...people who tell you how to parent

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WTF???? Are you raising horses? I would not even whip a horse.

I think when you spank or whip a child you are releasing your angry for the situation more then you are actually disciplining the child.

How can using violence to disicpline a child be teaching them a good lesson.

"If someone does wrong they should be hit." - child's mind
Dont take what i said literally...i just mean a spanking in general. When i was little, my mother would whip me with a wooden spoon...a couple good whacks...

I think it should be saved as a last resort....after "talking" and time outs dont work anymore....i think its a "to each their own" situation with parenting. I've noticed that most parents tell me that they raise their children how they were raised (keep in mind these are normal people...not drunks or child abusers)
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Old 02-17-2010, 11:33 AM   #26
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Re: F...people who tell you how to parent

In reality, the manner of discipline (time outs vs spanks) is not going to have a huge influence on a child's development. Socioeconomic status, parental guidance and support, genetics, and the peer influences are much bigger factors. As long as the child isn't handled at either end of the discipline spectrum (beaten abusively or allowed to do whatever sans consequences), they'll pretty much turn out the way their situation dictates.

It's much more important as a parent to ensure they're hanging around the right kids than it is to fuss over whether to spank or whether to give timeouts.
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Old 02-17-2010, 11:37 AM   #27
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Re: F...people who tell you how to parent

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Well i'll be happy to tell you. There is a family who lives in our culdesac, two houses over.

They have 2 kids....a 9 year old, and a 5 year old. Just 2 months ago, the 9 year old went to school and told his classmate that he was going to shoot him with an AK 47. No lie. My wife knows the mother. She goes on and on about how when she was growing up, they would get in big trouble for that stuff.

But she laments further that her husband has recently "found god", and now is real hesitant to put a hand on him, because the preacher told him all this stuff and bla bla bla. (I'm thinking spare the rod, spoil the child).

Anyhow, they put him in "time out", where he still gets his XBOX, TV, etc etc...he's a problem in school and the neighborhood kids don't play with him because of how they are, so we hear all this stuff from neighbors.

Anyway, it sounds to me like time out isn't working. So if you're telling me a "hands-off" parenting approach works, i'll call you a liar.
Sounds like they are not doing it effectively. Again how does hitting a child that seems to have a presidency towards violence (wanting to bring a AK 47 to school) going to solve the problem.

I would say they need to start using effective time outs/ discipline, limit the amount and quality of TV and Xbox usage (learning the gun stuff somewhere) and seek some professional help becasue they have really gone down the wrong road with this child.

Not to be rude SolidSnake but if you don't currently have children most of us with children are not going to hold a lot of weight to your opinions. Basically yon need to join the club before you get an opinion, at least in my book.
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Old 02-17-2010, 11:37 AM   #28
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Re: F...people who tell you how to parent

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Originally Posted by SolidSnake84 View Post
Well i'll be happy to tell you. There is a family who lives in our culdesac, two houses over.

They have 2 kids....a 9 year old, and a 5 year old. Just 2 months ago, the 9 year old went to school and told his classmate that he was going to shoot him with an AK 47. No lie. My wife knows the mother. She goes on and on about how when she was growing up, they would get in big trouble for that stuff.

But she laments further that her husband has recently "found god", and now is real hesitant to put a hand on him, because the preacher told him all this stuff and bla bla bla. (I'm thinking spare the rod, spoil the child).

Anyhow, they put him in "time out", where he still gets his XBOX, TV, etc etc...he's a problem in school and the neighborhood kids don't play with him because of how they are, so we hear all this stuff from neighbors.

Anyway, it sounds to me like time out isn't working. So if you're telling me a "hands-off" parenting approach works, i'll call you a liar.
Sounds like bad parenting 101 and not just a discipline problem.
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Old 02-17-2010, 11:38 AM   #29
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Re: F...people who tell you how to parent

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Originally Posted by Schneed10 View Post
In reality, the manner of discipline (time outs vs spanks) is not going to have a huge influence on a child's development. Socioeconomic status, parental guidance and support, genetics, and the peer influences are much bigger factors. As long as the child isn't handled at either end of the discipline spectrum (beaten abusively or allowed to do whatever sans consequences), they'll pretty much turn out the way their situation dictates.

It's much more important as a parent to ensure they're hanging around the right kids than it is to fuss over whether to spank or whether to give timeouts.

That is a good post, I agree.
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Old 02-17-2010, 11:40 AM   #30
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Re: F...people who tell you how to parent

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WTF???? Are you raising horses? I would not even whip a horse.

I think when you spank or whip a child you are releasing your angry for the situation more then you are actually disciplining the child.

How can using violence to disicpline a child be teaching them a good lesson.

"If someone does wrong they should be hit." - child's mind
There is a huge difference between discipline and teaching consequences...and abusive hitting. Kids ARE smart enough to understand punishments and "I need to listen so I don't face the consequences" vs. "they just hit me for no reason or for everything so I might as well be bad because I'll be hit anyways". Children do understand more than we give them credit for.
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