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understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

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Old 08-12-2010, 03:23 PM   #46
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Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

Impressive set of posts on the issue, fellas. Very insightful and thought out.

Same thing happened to a close friend of mine shortly after he was married. Wife refused to have sex, told him she was repulsed by him, would sleep on the opposite edge of the matress and not let him touch her. Went on for a month or two and he was seriously considering divorce. They went to a marriage counselor (which I'd also recommend here if talking it out doesn't work) who said he wanted to first speak with them separately. While my friend was waiting in the hall he heard laughter in the room and got really angry, thinking they were talking about him. When they came out the therapist said that she was most likely having a hormonal reaction to being pregnant and to go immediately to the store and buy a pregnancy test. Turns out one of his fellas had slipped past the goalie and their son was born 9.5 months after they were married.

My wife also had a bad reaction to some birth control which really affected her emotionally, so I'd also suggest looking into that option.

Good luck either way. I hope it all works out soon.
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Old 08-12-2010, 03:24 PM   #47
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Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

I can't tell if TheLastDon was joking or not...i hope he wasn't trolling in a serious convo like this...i dont think he was, but you never know.
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Old 08-12-2010, 03:25 PM   #48
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Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

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Originally Posted by Mattyk View Post
32 days is a long time. Time to have a serious talk.

Without kids I think I may have to agree, I can try imagine my life before kid(s) we had so much free time you were basically banging just to kill time.
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Old 08-12-2010, 03:25 PM   #49
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Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

Let me ask you this, SS84...have YOU changed anything since you've gotten married? Unknowingly and unintentionally, have you gotten too comfortable in the marriage and started slacking on how you treated her? Did you buy flowers before and now, not as much? Did you used to kiss her when leaving for work everyday and before sleep but now miss it sometimes?

Just throwing it out there, not blaming you.

I know it's tough, but try not to focus on it every day and let it ruin the whole day if another gets added to the tally. Maybe she feels pressured or that you just want her for sex...which is VERY easy for a woman to feel even if it's NOT true.

Try making her a nice meal, or get a movie and rub her feet with some lotion (that can flip a switch). Don't bring it up or put any pressure on her. Try just treating her extra special for a few days or week without mentioning it or making any moves. She may come back around if you don't make it an issue every day, which is tough to avoid for a guy. Just do your best to make her feel loved and appreciated, but not pressured for a while.

Wives can be confusing. Scratch that, they ARE confusing.

This will likely pass and some day, you'll have a kid together and she'll INSIST you go to Training Camp and won't take no for an answer.
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Old 08-12-2010, 03:27 PM   #50
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Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

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Originally Posted by SolidSnake84 View Post
Yes. I've tried it all. I've tried to be loving, and she blows me off and she says i'm being over affectionate. It annoys her.

I love all the feedback guys, but reading the honest advice i get the feeling that i am truly and unequivocally screwed.
Then I might try to totally be yourself, just give her the space she's asking for and after a while she might open up and tell you what the serious problem is. I would also tell her that she's not exactly making you feel like a spouse, more like a roommate if she's saying you're being OVERLY affectionate.
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Old 08-12-2010, 03:28 PM   #51
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Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

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Let me ask you this, SS84...have YOU changed anything since you've gotten married? Unknowingly and unintentionally, have you gotten too comfortable in the marriage and started slacking on how you treated her? Did you buy flowers before and now, not as much? Did you used to kiss her when leaving for work everyday and before sleep but now miss it sometimes?

Just throwing it out there, not blaming you.

I know it's tough, but try not to focus on it every day and let it ruin the whole day if another gets added to the tally. Maybe she feels pressured or that you just want her for sex...which is VERY easy for a woman to feel even if it's NOT true.

Try making her a nice meal, or get a movie and rub her feet with some lotion (that can flip a switch). Don't bring it up or put any pressure on her. Try just treating her extra special for a few days or week without mentioning it or making any moves. She may come back around if you don't make it an issue every day, which is tough to avoid for a guy.
She doesnt wake up with me in the morning, but i kiss her on the forehead every morning before work and tell her i love her. Maybe i have done something unknowingly...i will refocus over the next few days and let everybody know what happens...thanks
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Old 08-12-2010, 03:28 PM   #52
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Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

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Then I might try to totally be yourself, just give her the space she's asking for and after a while she might open up and tell you what the serious problem is.

^Cliff notes for my long post.
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Old 08-12-2010, 03:28 PM   #53
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Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

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LOOL...he's keeping it real...it's an issue we have discussed before. He's not advocating cheating, he's advocating leaving and thus getting it from somewhere else.

I'm advocating getting the situation out in the open by any means necessary. Let the situation blow up and see where the pieces fall. I don't think 32 days is that long of a dry spell when you have been with someone a long time. I wouldn't be worried quite yet.

We are coming up on football season so your time should be all booked up for the next 5 months or so anyway. To a lot of guys this would be a blessing. At least this way you are going to be assured of catching all the football you want. Now if she's still not giving it up in February then figure out what to do. In the meantime enjoy the Redskins season!
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Old 08-12-2010, 03:29 PM   #54
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Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

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Originally Posted by SolidSnake84 View Post
Yes. I've tried it all. I've tried to be loving, and she blows me off and she says i'm being over affectionate. It annoys her.

I love all the feedback guys, but reading the honest advice i get the feeling that i am truly and unequivocally screwed.
I'll tell you what, I think thats more concerning to me than the sex part... because women are ussually ALL ABOUT this. If there is one thing my girl and I ever argue about, its how affectionate I am... the fact that that bothers her, makes me almost 99.9% positive that its something more that is bothering her.
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Old 08-12-2010, 03:29 PM   #55
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Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

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She doesnt wake up with me in the morning, but i kiss her on the forehead every morning before work and tell her i love her. Maybe i have done something unknowingly...i will refocus over the next few days and let everybody know what happens...thanks
Sometimes it feels like they're making you work for it.
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Old 08-12-2010, 03:29 PM   #56
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Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

It is threads like this that make me miss jsarno.
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Old 08-12-2010, 03:30 PM   #57
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Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

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I'm advocating getting the situation out in the open by any means necessary. Let the situation blow up and see where the pieces fall. I don't think 32 days is that long of a dry spell when you have been with someone a long time. I wouldn't be worried quite yet.

We are coming up on football season so your time should be all booked up for the next 5 months or so anyway. To a lot of guys this would be a blessing. At least this way you are going to be assured of catching all the football you want. Now if she's still not giving it up in February then figure out what to do. In the meantime enjoy the Redskins season!
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Old 08-12-2010, 03:31 PM   #58
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Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

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It is threads like this that make me miss jsarno.
LOL the thread that will live in infamy. I don't think any of the personal threads will ever top that one.
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Old 08-12-2010, 03:34 PM   #59
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Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

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Originally Posted by TheLastDon View Post
I'm advocating getting the situation out in the open by any means necessary. Let the situation blow up and see where the pieces fall. I don't think 32 days is that long of a dry spell when you have been with someone a long time. I wouldn't be worried quite yet.

We are coming up on football season so your time should be all booked up for the next 5 months or so anyway. To a lot of guys this would be a blessing. At least this way you are going to be assured of catching all the football you want. Now if she's still not giving it up in February then figure out what to do. In the meantime enjoy the Redskins season!
Ok I get you now. Thanks for your lightheartedness. It's a nice refreshment the way this thread has been going.

Seriously thanks everyone for responding. I feel a little nervous still, but am starting to feel better about where i stand...
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Old 08-12-2010, 03:36 PM   #60
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Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

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I can't tell if TheLastDon was joking or not...i hope he wasn't trolling in a serious convo like this...i dont think he was, but you never know.
Weather he was or not... I think thats a pretty good word track if she wont talk to you about it at all... NOT AT THIS STAGE...but if this goes anotehr couple months and she wont open up abotu it at all... I would say that... I wouldnt follow through with it, but it would at least get something going.
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