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Are You Ready to be a Dad?

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Old 09-02-2010, 12:04 PM   #31
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Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?

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I think the "fear" my wife and I have is that our lives will forever change and we don't know how to handle that. But I guess when we see that baby, we'll know
Your lives will change forever, but you'll know how to handle it when the time comes. It's not something you can be completely prepare for, but you are more than prepared for it when the opportunity is presented. Everything has a way of falling into place, and you'll know exactly what to do and when you need to do it.

Good Luck to you and the Misses. I have 2 daughters, and they are awesome. My oldest will be 3 on the 27th and my youngest will be 2 in December. They are funny and smart and have their Daddy wrapped around their fingers. They're pains in the butt too, but that keeps you on your toes. My wife wants 2 more, and I certainly want to try for a boy to carry on the family name, but we'll see. I'm laid back enough to go with the flow. If we stay at 2, fine. 3, no problem. 4, sure why not.
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Old 09-02-2010, 12:18 PM   #32
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Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?

@Cro4Jets I don't understand the question

Who will take care of the baby is definitely a big concern. Like I said, we don't have family nearby. We're a two-income household and the reality is while I make a decent salary, she's the true breadwinner.

I know it's a bit of a difficult question to answer, but for the first year or two what are the average monthly expenses for a baby?
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Old 09-02-2010, 12:23 PM   #33
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Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?

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@Cro4Jets I don't understand the question

Who will take care of the baby is definitely a big concern. Like I said, we don't have family nearby. We're a two-income household and the reality is while I make a decent salary, she's the true breadwinner.

I know it's a bit of a difficult question to answer, but for the first year or two what are the average monthly expenses for a baby?
Let her keep working and you can become a MR Mom. I told my wife she could stay at home the first 5 yrs then I would stay at home the next 5 yrs.
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Old 09-02-2010, 12:49 PM   #34
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Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?

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Whoa, whoa...I wasn't saying ONLY kids with stay-at-home moms do well...simply saying our son is going well and we're satisfied with his development and behavior....and grateful that we're able to raise him the way we want him to be raised rather than trusting another person who we can't be with all day to do the job right.

I know it's not financially feasible for everyone to stay home...most households in today's society/economy need to be 2-income households...mine is no different. I am just fortunate enough to be able to work two jobs and make it possible. My wife bring in income from home as well, but we do see a very noticeable difference between our son and those of friends/coworkers who aren't lucky enough to stay home every day.

Like I said, it's something that every couple, including SS, needs to discuss and agree upon. There is no right or wrong way to parent, you have to do what works for you and your child. As long as someone is a loving and attentive parent, things will most likely be OK. Part of that is making sure your kid is well-cared for and learning your values, no matter if it's in your house or another while you're at work...a responsible parent will make sure the place their child in is always the best it can be in every way. There are a lot of BAD daycares and everyone has relatives they don't see eye-to-eye with...you have to be careful who you leave your kid with.

I don't see how suggesting he and his wife decide upon child care and their careers before the kid is born is ignorant. It would be ignorant NOT to discuss it and make plans.

Don't ruin SS's dad thread with a hot temper.


Smoot, expect heated discussions with your wife, not only during the pregnancy's hormonal rollercoaster, but after the child is born. It's just key to make sure those discussions don't affect the child. It's normal when parents are trying to figure things out, but how you two handle disagreements in front of your child is the key.

Re-read this paragraph by you:

One thing you need to decide before-hand...will be whether she goes back to work or is a stay-at-home mother, which is far better for the child's development and as far as instilling YOUR morals in the kid, instead of the babysitter's. Young kids take in a LOT in those first few year and are very easy influenced in things that can stick around for a lifetime. You want the best possible environment at that young age, or later on, it would be a nightmare trying to adjust or re-instill the values and behaviors you wanted, but couldn't because someone else was caring for them.

The ignorant part of your post is not the decision of what type of care but that the best choice is to stay at home and that my friend is your opinion not a fact.

My son goes to day care by our choice. His first year of life my wife worked one day a week after a year we researched day cares and decide the Goddard School would be best for his development and also my wife's sanity. She enjoys work and also my son but she doesn't want to be a stay at home mom.

This is my sons weekly schedule currently; at my MIL on Mondays (she want this becasue she loves caring for him) Tues-Thurs at Day Care/School and Fridays at home with his mom. We feel in our opinion this is what is best for his development and it seems to be working.

You should maybe go back to your post and re-word it as your opinion and not a fact that a child that stays home is superior to a day care child. Also, some parents like ourselves choice day care and feel very LUCKY to be able to afford it.
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Old 09-02-2010, 12:54 PM   #35
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Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?

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lol I'm only on an hour a day tops, maybe more on the weekends but I often go a few days at a time without playing. Wish I had more time for it actually.

I know just busting balls!
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Old 09-02-2010, 12:56 PM   #36
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Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?

What's questionable about that? The more time you spend with your kids, the more chances you have to influence them.

I'm sure there are stats to back it up that parents being more involved in a child's life is better for them...don't want to turn this thread into a debate though.

I realize it's not possible for everyone to be able to stay home with their kids financially, or they just choose not to, but it's something parents need to agree upon, preferably before having the child.

AGAIN, I am not saying anyone is a bad parent for finding a good daycare for their kids...just let it go.
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Old 09-02-2010, 12:57 PM   #37
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Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?

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Originally Posted by SmootSmack View Post
@Cro4Jets I don't understand the question

Who will take care of the baby is definitely a big concern. Like I said, we don't have family nearby. We're a two-income household and the reality is while I make a decent salary, she's the true breadwinner.

I know it's a bit of a difficult question to answer, but for the first year or two what are the average monthly expenses for a baby?
Sooo many variables.

If you're both working, daycare is obviously the HUGE expense. That varies by location and you need to check it out and decide if it is worth working and paying for childcare. (For example - Given her experience, my wife could get a job that would essentially pay for day care, but not much more. Rather than work to pay for someone else to raise our kids, she is a stay at home mom and we forego the minimal extra income she would have provided).

The other huge issue is health care. Lots of shots, emergency room visits, check ups, etc. If you have a rich policy, you will be fine. Otherwise, a chronically sick kid can be expensive. Even if not chronically sick (some kids just are - my niece and nephew are constantly running into niggling health issues), there are a lot of standard health care expenses in the first couple years.

Check your coverages, see who has the best - balance this into your daycare/stay home parent analysis. For example, consider the following hypothetical: Your wife makes great salary but has crappy benefits, you have crappy salary but great health benefits. Will her great salary make up for the loss of your great benefits?

Other than that, clothes, food and diapers are your main expenses. Again, I am guessing at 100-200/month. However, it's the day care (or loss of second income)/health care issues that are the main expenses for most.
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Old 09-02-2010, 01:01 PM   #38
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Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?

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Originally Posted by SmootSmack View Post
@Cro4Jets I don't understand the question

Who will take care of the baby is definitely a big concern. Like I said, we don't have family nearby. We're a two-income household and the reality is while I make a decent salary, she's the true breadwinner.

I know it's a bit of a difficult question to answer, but for the first year or two what are the average monthly expenses for a baby?
Tough to nail down a solid figure, because I spent so much time in looking for sales and deals, plus things come up that you never thought of or planed for.


If you use store brand diapers...they're about $15 for 80-90 of them. Your biggest expense will be formula if she doesn't breastfeed. Big cans of Similac are about $15 each and you'll use at least one or two a week. Then there are wipes (80 for $3), food (about $0.60 a jar), cereal is cheap, about $1.50 a box that last a while (rice cereal). If you use those bottles with liners, they're more convenient but the refills are about $8 for 100.

Luckily with your first baby, a lot of people give you clothes and blankets, so you could be set for the first year, clothes-wise.

If you're like most parents, you'll just transfer money you spent on yourself to the baby's budget: eating out (can't do that as much if you wanted to with a baby), movies and entertainment...the extra things.

You'll find it somewhere.

I don't know how much your wife makes and it's none of our business, but sometimes daycare can sometimes eat up a large portion of one parent's weekly income, so even money-wise, the decision to continue to work may not end up helping the family budget anyways...so it will come down to if your wife wants a break (some mothers do) or wants to stay on her career track, or stay home. There's no right or wrong blanket answer and it's a personal decision for every couple, I just really believe there are big benefits to one parent being with the child every day. (not to infuriate people again)

I'm just sharing my experiences as you asked...so you can consider everything as you plan your children with your wife. It doesn't hurt anyone to consider every option of a situation.
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Old 09-02-2010, 01:12 PM   #39
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Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?

Keep in mind, those are PA prices...you're in NY, right? You'll probably find my prices to be on the low side then.
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Old 09-02-2010, 01:47 PM   #40
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Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?

stupid question:

if i have great health insurance and my wife has none, does my health care provider pay for her maternity related doctor and hospital bills?

when the child is born, does my health care coverage cover the child for all the childs medical visits?

will my insurance (already over 200 a month) go up?
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Old 09-02-2010, 01:50 PM   #41
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Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?

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stupid question:

if i have great health insurance and my wife has none, does my health care provider pay for her maternity related doctor and hospital bills?

when the child is born, does my health care coverage cover the child for all the childs medical visits?

will my insurance (already over 200 a month) go up?

If she is under your plan yes they will cover here and the same for the child and yes your monthly payment will go up as well, basically you be on a family plan then.
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Old 09-02-2010, 02:14 PM   #42
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Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?

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Originally Posted by over the mountain View Post
stupid question:

if i have great health insurance and my wife has none, does my health care provider pay for her maternity related doctor and hospital bills?

when the child is born, does my health care coverage cover the child for all the childs medical visits?

will my insurance (already over 200 a month) go up?
The child is covered at birth, but then you get a limited window to complete the paperwork to actually enroll them onto your plan. Your insurance WILL go up.
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Old 09-02-2010, 02:26 PM   #43
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Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?

Usually the kid's first 60 or 90 days of life are covered (the visits too). Can't say if the actual birth is covered, I'm guessing NO since it's your insurance and not your wife's, but the child can be covered under a parent's policy for a limited (and short) period after birth.
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Old 09-02-2010, 02:30 PM   #44
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Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SmootSmack View Post
@Cro4Jets I don't understand the question

Who will take care of the baby is definitely a big concern. Like I said, we don't have family nearby. We're a two-income household and the reality is while I make a decent salary, she's the true breadwinner.

I know it's a bit of a difficult question to answer, but for the first year or two what are the average monthly expenses for a baby?
Get a Sams or Costco membership..........
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Old 09-02-2010, 02:41 PM   #45
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Re: Are You Ready to be a Dad?

BJ's!

Actually, they won't help with diaper costs...sure they sell bigger boxes but they're not cheaper when you look at the per-poop cost.

They're a great place to buy bottles, sippy cups and stuff like that in bulk...and don't think you won't need them in bulk.

I also bought the formula at BJs...bigger cans, actually WAS cheaper per ounce.

Good suggestion, it will help in some areas.
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