Are you bitter?
 

In light of BitterGate I think it's only fair to find out if folks in here are bitter and if you are what they are bitter about?

Re: Are you bitter?
 

Nope.

Re: Are you bitter?
 

I am about the time I wasted dealing with my ex in years past.

Re: Are you bitter?
 

I'm bitter that I had to put this drunk ass girl in a cab Saturday night instead of doing the nasty.

Re: Are you bitter?
 

I'd be bitter about that too, 12th...

Life's too short to be bitter for very long, so I try not to be bitter if I can help it.

Re: Are you bitter?
 

yes,I am bitter about any loss to the cowboys,especially the last second losses that knock us out of the playoffs and cause our best player to sit out a year

Re: Are you bitter?
 

I'm actually still bitter about the Gregg Williams thing.....I'm just saying.

Re: Are you bitter?
 

Life is too short to be bitter or for holding grudges.

Re: Are you bitter?
 

[quote=Mattyk72;439539]Life is too short to be bitter or for holding grudges.[/quote]

Matty, you calling me short?

Re: Are you bitter?
 

I'm bitter about decisions I had to make to keep the peace instead of pleasing myself.

Re: Are you bitter?
 

[QUOTE=TheMalcolmConnection;439551]I'm bitter about decisions I had to make to keep the peace instead of pleasing myself.[/QUOTE]

That is a great, great, great answer. I'm right there with you on that

Re: Are you bitter?
 

Am I bitter over anything the Federal Government can control in my life ... nope! Is that likely to change in the future (no matter who wins the next presidential election) .... nope!

Am I happy with all the Federal regulations that impact my life ... nope, but I am not bitter either. I choose not to hate and become bitter with respect to matters politic.

Re: Are you bitter?
 

[quote=TheMalcolmConnection;439551]I'm bitter about decisions I had to make to keep the peace instead of pleasing myself.[/quote]

You can get over that by being willing to be the asshole at times. Sure you're the asshole, but you get what you want, and if people don't like it, oh well, that's why you're the asshole. LOL

Try it, it's fun!

Re: Are you bitter?
 

[quote=Schneed10;439556]You can get over that by being willing to be the asshole at times. Sure you're the asshole, but you get what you want, and if people don't like it, oh well, that's why you're the asshole. LOL

Try it, it's fun![/quote]

For people who agree (like SS) you know how hard it is to be the asshole. For me, I'd much rather take the hit and please people I'm in the middle of (mostly family and wife).

Right now, I'm in a tough spot with the wife and my dad. Basically, this year was the first year we've been married and my dad forgot her birthday (let me remind you we've been together nearly ten years) and she was really hurt.

In my life I can't remember one time I've called my dad out, so basically rather than that, I'd rather just suffer and let there be weirdness between my wife and my dad. Am I wrong in thinking that if she has a problem SHE should be the one to address it and not me or is that part of my husbandly duties?

Sure I can see her point, and he should have at least called her or something, but when she gets mad at people she basically cuts them off and thanks to that I've almost estranged a couple of formerly close family members.

Re: Are you bitter?
 

Geesh, it's not HIS daughter's birthday. If HER dad forgot her b-day, I could see a reason to be upset but I wouldn't get on your dad too hard about it. Just make sure he knows NEXT year. :D

Re: Are you bitter?
 

[quote=TheMalcolmConnection;439569]For people who agree (like SS) you know how hard it is to be the asshole. For me, I'd much rather take the hit and please people I'm in the middle of (mostly family and wife).

Right now, I'm in a tough spot with the wife and my dad. Basically, this year was the first year we've been married and my dad forgot her birthday (let me remind you we've been together nearly ten years) and she was really hurt.

In my life I can't remember one time I've called my dad out, so basically rather than that, I'd rather just suffer and let there be weirdness between my wife and my dad. Am I wrong in thinking that if she has a problem SHE should be the one to address it and not me or is that part of my husbandly duties?

Sure I can see her point, and he should have at least called her or something, but when she gets mad at people she basically cuts them off and thanks to that I've almost estranged a couple of formerly close family members.[/quote]

IMO, I think your Dad should be given a pass on this one. I'm 34 and my own Dad doesn't call or send anything on my B-day (yeah i know wah wah but just making a point). As guys, occasionally we drop the ball and occasionally we should get a pass. You're Dad deserves a pass especially if he usually remembers her Bday.

Re: Are you bitter?
 

[quote=TheMalcolmConnection;439569]For people who agree (like SS) you know how hard it is to be the asshole. For me, I'd much rather take the hit and please people I'm in the middle of (mostly family and wife).

Right now, I'm in a tough spot with the wife and my dad. Basically, this year was the first year we've been married and my dad forgot her birthday (let me remind you we've been together nearly ten years) and she was really hurt.

In my life I can't remember one time I've called my dad out, so basically rather than that, I'd rather just suffer and let there be weirdness between my wife and my dad. Am I wrong in thinking that if she has a problem SHE should be the one to address it and not me or is that part of my husbandly duties?

Sure I can see her point, and he should have at least called her or something, but when she gets mad at people she basically cuts them off and thanks to that I've almost estranged a couple of formerly close family members.[/quote]
Your dad forgot her birthday and she is upset. I'm lucky and some how someone or something reminds me of my wife's birthday or it could go by and I would have no clue. If your father is single he is just doing what most guys do, forget. I think if you asked my father when my wifes birthday, his grand kids etc... he might remember one of the 4. If your father is single and her parents are married then remind her that her father has her mother to remember all those dates. I know thats how it works for me, my father, Father-in-law and my brother-in-law's. If we were not married we would miss 90% of them.

Re: Are you bitter?
 

[quote=TheMalcolmConnection;439569]For people who agree (like SS) you know how hard it is to be the asshole. For me, I'd much rather take the hit and please people I'm in the middle of (mostly family and wife).

Right now, I'm in a tough spot with the wife and my dad. Basically, this year was the first year we've been married and my dad forgot her birthday (let me remind you we've been together nearly ten years) and she was really hurt.

In my life I can't remember one time I've called my dad out, so basically rather than that, I'd rather just suffer and let there be weirdness between my wife and my dad. Am I wrong in thinking that if she has a problem SHE should be the one to address it and not me or is that part of my husbandly duties?

Sure I can see her point, and he should have at least called her or something, but when she gets mad at people she basically cuts them off and thanks to that I've almost estranged a couple of formerly close family members.[/quote]

Understandable. You're a "harmonizer" personality. Explains why you're fun to be around on the boards, because harmonizers are typically fun people. You try to keep everyone as happy as possible and keep everyone at peace and getting along. Sometimes at your own expense. My wife fits this personality type, so does my brother.

But you're in the proverbial rock and a hard place. If you go with your wife's wishes and call out your dad, you and your dad will have an awkward conversation (and possibly a verbal fight depending on how he takes it). If you protect your dad from your wife's ire by not saying anything, you irk your wife and potentially cause her to do crazy woman things like holding grudges against family members.

Either way sucks, so I say you stand up for what you believe in. One way to go is tell your wife to get over it and she's being ridiculous. Oh she'll be mad, and she'll withhold the sex, but explain that if people cut others off for forgetting birthdays, very few people would have any friends in this world. It doesn't mean he doesn't love her - but sh*t happens, and it'd be a good exercise in forgiveness if she forgot about it and moved on. You could ask her which she thinks is more likely, that he purposely slighted her a birthday acknowledgement or that he simply was preoccupied and flat out forgot? Or if you think your Dad really was being petty and was mad at her for something, tell him that he's too old for that sh*t and is just causing angst in your house (ie less sex for you). He'll understand, dads look out for their sons like that!

Re: Are you bitter?
 

Send your wife a belated birthday card "signed" by your dad. Talk to your dad man to man and say "my wife was sad you forgot her birthday, don't worry though, I fixed it. If she asks about it, just go along with it..."

Kinda shady but all you care about is keeping the peace and getting as close to "before this happened" as possible.

OR

Tell your wife she's blowing this out of proportion, men work differently then women, blah blah blah. She'll be pissed but it will set the tone for how to handle future issues.

Re: Are you bitter?
 

I'm bitter about 84% of the day. The other 16% of the time I'm either sleeping, eating, or plopping so I'm pretty content.

Re: Are you bitter?
 

TMC - the one thing you don't mention in this is whether you've actually talked to your dad or not about this...no need to call him out, casually mention it in conversation. He probably feels bad about it, and might not know how to rectify the situation. No need to call him out...bust his balls about it a bit, but no need to make the situation worse. And if your wife can't accept an apology and let it go, then she's got issues to deal with.

Re: Are you bitter?
 

[QUOTE=ArtMonkDrillz;439587]I'm bitter about 84% of the day. The other 16% of the time I'm either sleeping, eating, or plopping so I'm pretty content.[/QUOTE]

I'm like that too, but I'd probably add playing Madden somewhere in there.

Re: Are you bitter?
 

Yea TMC im a lot like you but I agree with schneed last post. You gotta tell your lady or your dad one of them is taking it too far. It will hurt you in the SR, but its better overall to get it out of the.

In the big picture it is such a small deal, IMO. First of all birthdays are overrated. Sure it is a great excuse to party and have fun, but who cares if you forget? It is just a day. I forget my family members bdays all the time. But does that mean I don't love them and I won't go to the end of the world for them? No. It just means I don't spend energy remember dates, but I spend time focusing on our relationships and the important aspects of that.

Re: Are you bitter?
 

Next time you could do like I did and be proactive about it as the day approaches. "Yeah, so I'm looking for a gift because you know this Sunday is her birthday"

Re: Are you bitter?
 

Getting upset over a birthday? That's just silly. Your wife is taking it too far. Time to pull up your skirt and announce who wears the pants in the house.


DISCLAIMER: saden1's advice is free. He is not a trained marriage consoler and can not be held liable for anything said in this post.

Re: Are you bitter?
 

I'm bitter about the fact that FDR sold us out at Yalta.

Re: Are you bitter?
 

Malcolm, i kind of had some of the same things go on in my family. no need to call him out, that just creates alot of friction. but your wife is bothered by this, it should be bothering you, too. she is your number one priority now. so he does need to be addressed. asking hm if he knew it was her b-day, or if he just forgot. but tread gently, because if you don't handle it correctly, you could start a family rift

Re: Are you bitter?
 

People forget shit, it is nothing personal. I forget my own mother's (among other close family members) birthday sometimes. Does that mean that I love her (or them) any less?

Re: Are you bitter?
 

[quote=dmek25;439704]Malcolm, i kind of had some of the same things go on in my family. no need to call him out, that just creates alot of friction. but your wife is bothered by this, it should be bothering you, too. she is your number one priority now. so he does need to be addressed. asking hm if he knew it was her b-day, or if he just forgot. but tread gently, because if you don't handle it correctly, you could start a family rift[/quote]

One of the problems with this though, because of TMC's harmonizing personality, eventually his wife is going to get frustrated with him (if she hasn't already) for not taking enough of a stand on her behalf. And this won't apply to just this situation. Anytime she gets fired up about something, she's going to want to see him on her side, showing her that he's willing to stand up for her because that shows love and respect. So if TMC treads too gently with his father, chances are that won't satisfy his wife. Maybe it will now, but down the road after more years of marriage, she's going to be asking him to stand up stronger for her.

When it comes down to it, this situation calls for taking a firm stand. I can't say which side is best to choose, but to continue treading gently around these issues is the worst course of action in my opinion. Now, firm stands don't have to involve yelling or being an asshole. He could simply say to his wife, "I don't agree with your being so upset over this. I think you should forget it and move on because forgetting a birthday isn't the end of the world. I'm not going to say anything to my dad about it, so please stop asking me." End of story. No negotiation. Firm stand.

Or he could say "Dad, you forgot my wife's birthday. She was pretty upset. Please try to remember next time because it makes her feel slighted." If he argues or complains or whatever, just say "Dad I'm just conveying to you the consequences of forgetting her birthday. She'll get upset, and then we'll all have a rift. The ball's in your court."

But continuing to let issues get swept under the rug is going to piss off the wife over time, and then you end up with a big rift between husband and wife.

Re: Are you bitter?
 

TMC, do what you've gotta do to smooth things over. Otherwise it's going to blow up into something entirely different and something much worse as it festers over time.

Re: Are you bitter?
 

I can't believe there's this much drama over a birthday. When you get to be my age, you're more bitter about people reminding you that you're having one. :)

Re: Are you bitter?
 

[QUOTE=Lady Brave;439725]I can't believe there's this much drama over a birthday. When you get to be my age, you're more bitter about people reminding you that you're having one. :)[/QUOTE]
So would you say [I]there's not much drama in the LBC?[/I]

(Lady Brave's Crib)

Re: Are you bitter?
 

I am bitter about many things but the thing that I am most bitter about is the 16 seasons without a Super Bowl appearance. Maybe (team wise) I was spoiled as a child. That does not change my position now however.

Re: Are you bitter?
 

[quote=ArtMonkDrillz;439728]So would you say [I]there's not much drama in the LBC?[/I]

(Lady Brave's Crib)[/quote]
Ok, I totally had to Google that reference. ;)

Actually, I love drama. I live for it. The theatrical kind, not the personal kind.

I find the great thing about people forgetting dates that are important to you is that it totally lets you off the hook when it comes to buying gifts for them when their special day rolls around. It's awesome, because I seriously hate shopping.

Re: Are you bitter?
 

It may surprise some to hear it, but I'd have to say I'm not bitter about anything. I get grouchy pretty often (sorry guys, hope ya still love me) but I also get over things pretty quickly.

I remember one time I hung onto some resentment for a while, when this total douchebag at work took full credit for something he and I worked on together. He didn't get promoted but I know he got props by the high-ups for that stuff. Eventually though I decided to let it go and instead focus my energy on trying to do other good work that would earn me the props. That attitude was much more productive than staying bitter, so I ended up earning my own props and it all worked out fine.

Re: Are you bitter?
 

[quote=Lady Brave;439730]Ok, I totally had to Google that reference. ;)

Actually, I love drama. I live for it. The theatrical kind, not the personal kind.

I find the great thing about people forgetting dates that are important to you is that it totally lets you off the hook when it comes to buying gifts for them when their special day rolls around. [B]It's awesome, because I seriously hate shopping.[/B][/quote]

AMEN! It's the bane of my existence.

Re: Are you bitter?
 

Hey guys,

Just got a chance to read all the advice and the advice is good.

Schneed got it right when he said that she does get frustrated when she thinks I don't stand up for her. For ME, I think the reason I don't stand up for one reason or the other is that I feel like if YOU have a problem, then YOU need to deal with it, not put someone in the middle of their spouse and their family.

Basically, the way it goes is that people basically know my wife is a little extra-sensitive on a lot of things and in most cases, I'll take her side even when she's wrong EXCEPT when it comes to family. When it comes to family, I DO MIND creating friction. If it's just a co-worker or friend of her's, I don't give a crap. But when it comes to her family or my family in particular, I refuse to start crap because she's sensitive.

For those who were wondering, I did call my dad and was like, "You know it was Nicole's birthday a couple weeks ago right?" and he kind of studdered considering I NEVER even semi-call him out and he just went right on past it because normally our conversations consist of Skins news and light stuff. I think he truly forgot, because I have a step mom and two half-brothers and basically she is so up their ass that why would they remember my wife's birthday when they can be busy spoiling those two? I could tell my dad was definitely feeling guilty, so for me at least I let him know and I told my wife that I mentioned that to him she seemed happy with me.

NOW, I think the situation is settled and I'll probably remind him early next year, BUT if she holds on to the grudge too long (especially since he's taking two days of his life to come install hardwood floors for us in a week) then SHE'LL be the one getting called out.

Re: Are you bitter?
 

[quote=TheMalcolmConnection;439744]Hey guys,

Just got a chance to read all the advice and the advice is good.

Schneed got it right when he said that she does get frustrated when she thinks I don't stand up for her. For ME, I think the reason I don't stand up for one reason or the other is that I feel like if YOU have a problem, then YOU need to deal with it, not put someone in the middle of their spouse and their family.

Basically, the way it goes is that people basically know my wife is a little extra-sensitive on a lot of things and in most cases, I'll take her side even when she's wrong EXCEPT when it comes to family. When it comes to family, I DO MIND creating friction. If it's just a co-worker or friend of her's, I don't give a crap. But when it comes to her family or my family in particular, I refuse to start crap because she's sensitive.

For those who were wondering, I did call my dad and was like, "You know it was Nicole's birthday a couple weeks ago right?" and he kind of studdered considering I NEVER even semi-call him out and he just went right on past it because normally our conversations consist of Skins news and light stuff. I think he truly forgot, because I have a step mom and two half-brothers and basically she is so up their ass that why would they remember my wife's birthday when they can be busy spoiling those two? I could tell my dad was definitely feeling guilty, so for me at least I let him know and I told my wife that I mentioned that to him she seemed happy with me.

NOW, I think the situation is settled and I'll probably remind him early next year, BUT if she holds on to the grudge too long (especially since he's taking two days of his life to come install hardwood floors for us in a week) then SHE'LL be the one getting called out.[/quote]

Sounds like a good resolution. Glad to hear it worked out well. Gotta love the Warpath, advice comes in droves whether solicited or not! Hopefully it wasn't unwanted.

I'm bitter that Britney Spears didn't take care of herself.

Re: Are you bitter?
 

I am bitter I got an 80 on a test when the avg was 88 wtf. I think the professor f'ed up on my grading.

Re: Are you bitter?
 

[quote=TheMalcolmConnection;439569]For people who agree (like SS) you know how hard it is to be the asshole. For me, I'd much rather take the hit and please people I'm in the middle of (mostly family and wife).

Right now, I'm in a tough spot with the wife and my dad. Basically, this year was the first year we've been married and my dad forgot her birthday (let me remind you we've been together nearly ten years) and she was really hurt.

In my life I can't remember one time I've called my dad out, so basically rather than that, I'd rather just suffer and let there be weirdness between my wife and my dad. Am I wrong in thinking that if she has a problem SHE should be the one to address it and not me or is that part of my husbandly duties?

Sure I can see her point, and he should have at least called her or something, but when she gets mad at people she basically cuts them off and thanks to that I've almost estranged a couple of formerly close family members.[/quote]
[COLOR=black][/COLOR]
[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]I'm impressed that this concerns you so much. Because it's your Dad I would politely remind him that he forgot your wife's bday.. Give him a chance to step up and make amends.[/FONT][/COLOR]