Life gives you one "do over"
 

What if you had the chance to go back and change one event or do one thing differently in your life? Instead of taking a left you can now take a right. What would you do and why... and how would your life be different now?

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

I guess by answering this you admit to having regret in your life. Which probably everyone does have.

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

I wouldn't have bought the house I did six years ago, the one we're in now. When we looked at it, we were 24 and knew jack about buying houses. We checked out the upstairs and the closet and the bathroom had a bit of a musty odor to it. I thought nothing of it, figuring we could clean/refresh/paint and it would do the trick.

It turned out the roof had been neglected and had formed tiny small leaks in places. Mold and fungus infections were rampant throughout the roof and siding. While we knew a new roof was needed when we bought the house, the mold damage required that we replace the roof, the siding down to the sheathing, and redo the bathroom all in one fell swoop. Luckily my wife and I were double income, no kids for a few years there, and were big savers. Still, it wiped out our savings.

In the end it's going to be alright because in the process we upgraded the house quite nicely and now have more equity in the home than we otherwise would have. But if I acted on my suspicions regarding that musty smell, I would have been told by countless people who knew better, to run like hell from that house. Musty stenches almost always indicate a big mold problem. Now I know.

If I had bought a house without those issues, I'd be better off financially right now, and probably ready to move into the house we really want. Instead I'm about 2-3 years away at this point.

That's the one regret I kick myself over. I guess there are worse things. After all, it's a good place to live, even if it's smaller than I'd like at the moment.

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

You saw Hot Tub Time Machine too eh Matty?

I'd have studied more for my GMAT and gone to a different MBA program. I mean I have no complaints about where I went but a) I'm not sure I should have gone to the same place for undergrad and grad school, and b) as much as I love my job and I think/know my MBA helps I feel like from at least a monetary position I haven't been able to take full advantage of having an MBA.

So yeah, if I could do it all over I would have given more effort in school

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

Hard to put this sort of thing in to writing, who knows exactly how different my life would have been, and what about my kids, I would never want to lose them, but one point would have been not marrying my ex, or even before that, joining a different part of the military where, in which case I wouldn't have met her, or had my kids. Maybe I would have had others, but not my 3 I love now. The past is a finicky monster, could I change things I would, but what consequences would result? I don't know, so here I am, in this life, at this time, and I have to make the best with each day...

I am not trying to avoid the question Matty, it's an incredible question. One which I have probed and questioned many times. I just don't come up with a good answer.

Finally, the movie Butterfly Effect is a stunning dramatization of it, and of unforeseen consequences. (so is It's a Wonderful Life for the older generation)

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

[quote=Schneed10;681228]I wouldn't have bought the house I did six years ago, the one we're in now. When we looked at it, we were 24 and knew jack about buying houses. We checked out the upstairs and the closet and the bathroom had a bit of a musty odor to it. I thought nothing of it, figuring we could clean/refresh/paint and it would do the trick.

It turned out the roof had been neglected and had formed tiny small leaks in places. Mold and fungus infections were rampant throughout the roof and siding. While we knew a new roof was needed when we bought the house, the mold damage required that we replace the roof, the siding down to the sheathing, and redo the bathroom all in one fell swoop. Luckily my wife and I were double income, no kids for a few years there, and were big savers. Still, it wiped out our savings.

In the end it's going to be alright because in the process we upgraded the house quite nicely and now have more equity in the home than we otherwise would have. But if I acted on my suspicions regarding that musty smell, I would have been told by countless people who knew better, to run like hell from that house. Musty stenches almost always indicate a big mold problem. Now I know.

If I had bought a house without those issues, I'd be better off financially right now, and probably ready to move into the house we really want. Instead I'm about 2-3 years away at this point.

That's the one regret I kick myself over. I guess there are worse things. After all, it's a good place to live, even if it's smaller than I'd like at the moment.[/quote]

I hear you here.

I feel like there should be a crash course out there for first time home buyers. You get easily distracted by the things you like and you tend to overlook the little things that once you move in, become not so little.

Things from my first house like a shared driveway where you have to tandem park... big pain in the rear. Another pain the rear regarding the driveway, when you pay to have someone plow your side and the neighbor prefers to shovel. Then you end up with a little snowbank divide in the middle that neither side wants to take care of. Or sharing a front lawn and the neighbor wants to mow at least once a week when it doesn't even need it, and puts a guilt trip on me when I don't take my fair turn.

Thankfully in my 2nd house the above issues are gone.

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

[quote=CRedskinsRule;681235]Hard to put this sort of thing in to writing, who knows exactly how different my life would have been, and what about my kids, I would never want to lose them, but one point would have been not marrying my ex, or even before that, joining a different part of the military where, in which case I wouldn't have met her, or had my kids. Maybe I would have had others, but not my 3 I love now. The past is a finicky monster, could I change things I would, but what consequences would result? I don't know, so here I am, in this life, at this time, and I have to make the best with each day...

I am not trying to avoid the question Matty, it's an incredible question. One which I have probed and questioned many times. I just don't come up with a good answer.

Finally, the movie Butterfly Effect is a stunning dramatization of it, and of unforeseen consequences. (so is It's a Wonderful Life for the older generation)[/quote]

While changing one decision or one event would alter the course of your life, it's exactly the course of your life that makes certain things meaningful.

So like you, I can't imagine my life without my two little girls and never would want to change that. But had my life gone differently and I ended up living in a different place out of college, I'd have ended up with a different wife with different kids. I'd have loved them just as much.

But, when we think about those things, we tend to do so with a "grass is always greener" attitude. Luckily, the kids we do have give us the power to look back on every decision we ever made and be comfortable with it. Because the bottom line is these children make us extremely happy, and we can't imagine life without them. If all our choices in life led to this, then everything worked out just fine.

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

I have plenty of regrets, but i think doing something over would be wrong. I would not change anything because if it was not for the events that happened, i would not be where i am at today.

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

When I was in 5th grade my parents got divorced. I was given the choice to live with either parent. I chose my mom for the simple fact that I didn't want to hurt her feelings. Had I chosen my dad I would have grown up in a much, much more financially secure household and with a lot more academic discipline. I love my life right now and never spend time regretting this decision; but since it was brought up, and small thanks to Schneed's post above, I thought I'd share.

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

[quote=724Skinsfan;681242]When I was in 5th grade my parents got divorced. I was given the choice to live with either parent. I chose my mom for the simple fact that I didn't want to hurt her feelings. Had I chosen my dad I would have grown up in a much, much more financially secure household and with a lot more academic discipline. I love my life right now and never spend time regretting this decision; but since it was brought up, and small thanks to Schneed's post above, I thought I'd share.[/quote]

Always good when parents bag their responsibility and make the kid choose. Not to bash your parents but that was crap man.

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

I regret never getting to see a game at RFK,those were the days.Got to see the Who there,that was the closest I came

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

[quote=FRPLG;681245]Always good when parents bag their responsibility and make the kid choose. Not to bash your parents but that was crap man.[/quote]

Hard to paint a rosy picture but both of them did a good job of not making me feel guilty by picking either one. If ever there was a "civil divorce" this was one of them. It was one of those, "I want you to live with me just as much as your father wants you to live with him. We're not going to force you to live with either one." And the choice was always open-ended, meaning I could say at any time I wanted to go live with my dad.

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

I am my past...I wouldn't change a single thing.

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

I'll have to say all my dumb choices in the past have me where I am today. If I didn't get married a a ripe old age of 21 I would not have my daughter today. If I didn't go through girl friend after girl friend after my divorce at the ripe age of 23 I would not have found my wife today. If I didn't find my wife I would not have my other daughter which has brought a hole new meaning to life at age 45. So I guess I have made alot of bad decisions for just the right reason. I will add that at age 25 a made the decision that my daughter needed a parent to step up to the plate and I devoted my life to her. It made me a better person and provided me with a life time of great memories.

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

[quote=saden1;681251]I am my past...I wouldn't change a single thing.[/quote]

Cop out.

Come on play along, you don't have things you look back on and wish you could have done differently?

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

Man, I guess I'm the only one that would change a lot of stuff.

One of the big ones that sticks out to me as I sit in my cubical at my soulless office job is that I would have picked a different major in college. I wish I had put more effort into thinking about what I wanted to do with my life after school and perused that, because as it stands now I'm 27 and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

[quote=724Skinsfan;681242]When I was in 5th grade my parents got divorced. I was given the choice to live with either parent. I chose my mom for the simple fact that I didn't want to hurt her feelings. Had I chosen my dad I would have grown up in a much, much more financially secure household and with a lot more academic discipline. I love my life right now and never spend time regretting this decision; but since it was brought up, and small thanks to Schneed's post above, I thought I'd share.[/quote]

Man that's rough.

When my parents split my brother and I didn't have a say and looking back it was for the best. We went to live with my Mom, spent holidays and summers with my Dad. I guess I could have asked to go live with my Dad if I wanted to, but under the circumstances they made things work pretty good.

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

[quote=ArtMonkDrillz;681262]Man, I guess I'm the only one that would change a lot of stuff.

One of the big ones that sticks out to me as I sit in my cubical at my soulless office job is that I would have picked a different major in college. I wish I had put more effort into thinking about what I wanted to do with my life after school and perused that, because as it stands now I'm 27 and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.[/quote]

Why grow up?

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

I would have never let myself get so out of shape.

When I got out of the Army I stopped exercising and continued to pound the alcohol just as hard. Today I am about 50 lbs over weight (all in the beer gut region) and I beathe heavily after walking up a fight of stairs carrying one of my kids to bed. I have a short term plan for correcting all of this, but I would have been better off never taking the road that I did.

I'm the white guy in the middle without the stash and mullet.

[IMG]http://media.avclub.com/images/articles/article/33955/cleveland_TheOneAboutFriends_0187F_jpg_595x325_crop_upscale_q85.jpg[/IMG]

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

Thinking back when I turned thirty I hooked up with this really hot chick. I like a do over with her. I am talking about a do over with her back then when I was single.

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

[quote=Mattyk;681261]Cop out.

Come on play along, you don't have things you look back on and wish you could have done differently?[/quote]

Certainly there are things here and there I could change but those mistakes are things I've learned from. Who knows, if they didn't happen I might have made the same mistakes over again. Like my dad always use to say, "If you feel inadequate or down make it a point to learn something because you don't want to learn the hard way later on."

So no, it's not a cop-out. I value every moment of my past, including the bad moments.

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

I don't know. What I'd like to change was kind of out of my control. I was expected to bring home A's and B's only, but that's all that my parents cared about my education. Most parents seem to care about if their kid takes the SAT, etc. Mine never mentioned it and I only took it junior year, got a 1270 (this is when it was 1600 scale); should've taken it again senior year, my guidance counselor said I should be around the 1400 range, but all of the dates kept lining up with wrestling tournaments and I was already getting top scholarship offers academically with my junior year score. I begged my mom all of the time to just take the 5-10 minutes to complete my FAFSA with her tax info, apply for the PIN to sign it electronically with, etc. She never did.. too busy in her own little world.. it was always "We'll do that later okay?" or "Remind me tomorrow." Because of that the school's financial departments really couldn't do much for me, plus the FAFSA and college applications were already past due, so I packed up and moved back to Northern VA.. paid for a couple of semesters at NVCC and haven't been back since.

I guess I'd try to find some way to change all of that. I really thought that by this time I'd be done graduate school and like everyone else from here thinks, making a change in the DC area.

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

[quote=saden1;681276]Certainly there are things here and there I could change but those mistakes are things I've learned from. Who knows, if they didn't happen I might have made the same mistakes over again. Like my dad always use to say, "If you feel inadequate or down make it a point to learn something because you don't want to learn the hard way later on."

So no, it's not a cop-out. I value every moment of my past, including the bad moments.[/quote]

I get that. Our mistakes make us who we are are just like our successes. And no matter what path you choose, hindsight is always 20/20. There are no perfect lives of course, this thread is just asking what if you were given that one golden chance to make a different decision. What would you do differently?

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

[quote=Mattyk;681287]I get that. Our mistakes make us who we are are just like our successes. And no matter what path you choose, hindsight is always 20/20. There are no perfect lives of course, this thread is just asking what if you were given that one golden chance to make a different decision. What would you do differently?[/quote]

My life turned out pretty damn good and I can't think of a single decision that has impacted my life negatively or that I truly regret



...but I would love to take back that one night where I left my friend with 4 beautiful girls a few years ago cause I was tired and found out next day that he took one of them home and that one of them was looking for me. I left dimes for sleep.

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

There was a certain woman whom I dated several years ago whose destructive path in my life continues. It's a long story about how it all works out but, in the end, I didn't get a kid that I treasure or anything like that. Instead I got years of pain in the ass which continue long after we broke up. For example, she lied to me about her marital status but her crazy ex-husband blamed me and continues to do dirty things to me, despite the fact that I never would have been with her if I had known the truth.

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

I just wish I had grown up faster . I spent too much time in my teens and twenty's focusing on women , cars and sports . Not that I do not love my life , I would have been better off with more focus on work/career . I do feel lucky now , I have a work ethic and a lot of fine friends ; family and live in the good old USA . Oh , and I did not grow up in cowboy/eagle or giant country :)

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

I wouldn't change a thing. There have been many eff ups and mistakes, things that could've been done differently but, I wouldn't go back and change them. My experience has made me the man I am, for better or worse. So be it.

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

[quote=Trample the Elderly;681340]I wouldn't change a thing. There have been many eff ups and mistakes, things that could've been done differently but, I wouldn't go back and change them. My experience has made me the man I am, for better or worse. So be it.[/quote]

Funny/ironic/odd that you and saden have the same take...

Or maybe it makes complete sense.

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

[quote=Trample the Elderly;681340]I wouldn't change a thing. There have been many eff ups and mistakes, things that could've been done differently but, I wouldn't go back and change them. My experience has made me the man I am, for better or worse. So be it.[/quote]

This is a cop out my friend. Saden you too.

Saying this is akin to saying that you as a person have no need for improvement. Everybody's got wishes to be somehow better. Smarter, more qualified, in better shape, more friends, deeper relationships, making more money, have more free time, have more skills, take more risks, take less risks, wondered what it'd be like to be with the one that got away, wondered what it'd be like if you ran sooner from the one you shouldn't have been with...

There's always something that could have been better. Nobody's perfect, not even you, saden.

If you think you're good to go right now and wouldn't make any changes or erase any past mistakes, then I'd humbly suggest that you should make a change in the here and now: take a harder look in the mirror and see what you can do today to be better going forward. Don't settle, because nobody's perfect.

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

I think, given my earlier thoughts, if it was a one point in time decision, it would be my decision to go in as an MP, that was almighty dumb, I had an outstanding DLAB(Language Aptitude) score and wanted to go Military Intelligence but changed at the last minute to MP. IF it was a time frame, I would say July 2001-Dec2001, I handled depression/divorce et al in an absolutely horrid way and my life would be radically better had I had even an ounce of common sense in my body at that part of my life.

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

I would have chosen a more defined major (like engineering) or gotten Masters Degree. I wasn't very disciplined in college, as i just tried to get by the first couple years.

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

[quote=Mattyk;681359]Funny/ironic/odd that you and saden have the same take...

Or maybe it makes complete sense.[/quote]

Saden can speak for himself.

The reason I wouldn't change is because of my beliefs. I'm tired of being stuck here time and time again.

It would be counter productive to go back and change my lessons without learning from them. This prison planet is tiresome and I want off.

It's not a cop out, it's an objective. I've got better things to do than to hang out at the zoo.

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

i was crossing the street got hit by a car never should have let the doctors operate on my knee it was much worse after the surgery that was 15 years ago.i got zero dollars

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

hockey chamionships. im the star player on my team and really the league. had something like 41 goals 42 assists that year in 20 something games. i carried my team.

OT shootout for the chamionship. good size crowd down in reston. im deciding whether to do the youngblood move where i skate by the puck at center ice and kick it with my back skate to get started. i decide not to.

i come down the ice, im left handed in hockey, pull the puck to my right then back to my left, goalie moves to his right opening his legs (i think 5 hole but pass on it), i then pull the puck back to the right, goalie is frozen he cant move back to his left, i got a fairly open net, on my backhand . . .DOH! didnt put the puck in the net, put it wide off the boards. didnt concentrate and watch the open net and watch the puck go in the net.

earlier that game i scored just inside the blue line with a wicked shot that hit the upper right corner perfectly. i could put that puck anywhere anytime. when i skated off the ice i had the churchill coach waiting, wanting me to play for them since i was going to churchill next year.

that or not switching and trusting my left hand shot in lacrosse when we were playing west virginia.

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

this is very cool post gives a guy a chance to reflect just how FAST time is flowing by,time is very short before you know it you are old!

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

If I could, I'd have left home after college. I had a couple interview offers for jobs in DC and actually one with ESPN in Bristol and I turned them all down because I didnt want to leave home at the time... so I took a sales job which I was awful at, and now work in customer service with Paychex. ITs a great company to work for, and certainley I have alot of opprotunity, but I certantly dont love what I'm doing.... and now I want to move... funny how that works.

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

[quote=Gmanc711;681401]If I could, I'd have left home after college. I had a couple interview offers for jobs in DC and actually one with ESPN in Bristol and I turned them all down because I didnt want to leave home at the time... so I took a sales job which I was awful at, and now work in customer service with Paychex. ITs a great company to work for, and certainley I have alot of opprotunity, but I certantly dont love what I'm doing.... and now I want to move... funny how that works.[/quote]

Damn man, I know a lot of people who did the same type of thing.

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

[quote=over the mountain;681396]hockey chamionships. im the star player on my team and really the league. had something like 41 goals 42 assists that year in 20 something games. i carried my team.

OT shootout for the chamionship. good size crowd down in reston. im deciding whether to do the youngblood move where i skate by the puck at center ice and kick it with my back skate to get started. i decide not to.

i come down the ice, im left handed in hockey, pull the puck to my right then back to my left, goalie moves to his right opening his legs (i think 5 hole but pass on it), i then pull the puck back to the right, goalie is frozen he cant move back to his left, i got a fairly open net, on my backhand . . .DOH! didnt put the puck in the net, put it wide off the boards. didnt concentrate and watch the open net and watch the puck go in the net.

earlier that game i scored just inside the blue line with a wicked shot that hit the upper right corner perfectly. i could put that puck anywhere anytime. when i skated off the ice i had the churchill coach waiting, wanting me to play for them since i was going to churchill next year.

that or not switching and trusting my left hand shot in lacrosse when we were playing west virginia.[/quote]

In a similar vein-high school baseball. What turns out to be the last game of my career. I'm the starting pitcher, we're playing our rivals at their new stadium under the lights. I'm tossing a no-hitter but it's 0-0 at the bottom of the final inning. Walk, error, error, hits batsmen (I hit his damn shoe!). Winning run walks home we lose 1-0, our playoff hopes dashed...I'd like that final pitch back

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

When I was 21 I played in a country band and we got an offer from some agent to go to Nashville. Its a very very long shot to make it big but I wish I took the gamble.

Re: Life gives you one "do over"
 

[quote=Schneed10;681369]This is a cop out my friend. Saden you too.

Saying this is akin to saying that you as a person have no need for improvement. Everybody's got wishes to be somehow better. Smarter, more qualified, in better shape, more friends, deeper relationships, making more money, have more free time, have more skills, take more risks, take less risks, wondered what it'd be like to be with the one that got away, wondered what it'd be like if you ran sooner from the one you shouldn't have been with...

There's always something that could have been better. Nobody's perfect, not even you, saden.

If you think you're good to go right now and wouldn't make any changes or erase any past mistakes, then I'd humbly suggest that you should make a change in the here and now: take a harder look in the mirror and see what you can do today to be better going forward. Don't settle, because nobody's perfect.[/quote]

My goal in life is to seek happiness not perfection. The desire to be "smarter, more qualified, in better shape, more friends, deeper relationships, making more money, have more free time, have more skills, take more risks, take less risks" is something I can work on right now so why should I look to the past? As for "wondered what it'd be like to be with the one that got away" I can honestly say losing that one that got away was an asset as I learned a lot from that failed relationship...it really made me a better man and appreciate and understand my fiancé more.

No, I am not perfect nor do I desire to be. I am happy with who I am and what I have done in the past. Would I like to have attended Harvard? You bet. Can I still attend Harvard? You bet.