The Relationships Thread
 

I suppose this could've been gone in the grind my gears thread, but I figure this could be a useful thread to bitch about the opposite sex (or if you're me, both) regardless of if you're single, attached or married.

My ex-gf, who we've been attempting to keep an amicable friendship with each other since we broke up last Feb, has been basically made that impossible. We've both moved on and are seeing other people, but she seems to be slowly trying to delete me from her life since she's been involved with someone new. So.. Since December. This is after she made a play to try to get me to leave who I'm seeing now to be with her again. In November.

This has me a bit unnerved. I suppose after over a year later and seeing that we're both in new relationships, it shouldn't matter so much but for some reason it bothers me. A lot. I actually don't really have a good method to being like, "Well F you too then, bitch" or how I should actually be processing the whole thing. I just try to distract myself and hope it'll matter less.

Any advice on should exes be friends or completely cut off contact with each other? Or just any ideas in general?

Seriously, I'm not trying to turn this into my own little Cosmopolitan. lol marriage and dating can be rough. Its just nice to have a place to vent solely about the relationships world. I dunno what it's like to be married but I'm sure it can't always be the honeymoon period.

Oh, and then on the other side of things, there's this guy at the gym who's been eyeing me for a few weeks now. I mean he's attractive enough but I'm with someone and he's just really creepy about it. And then we waved at me today and I nearly died, in the bad way. Gym creepers are the worse. :/

Re: The Relationships Thread
 

gym creepers are the worst

Re: The Relationships Thread
 

I have always thought that once you break up with someone, the two of you should go their separate ways for a while. I think it is all nice to try to be friends and whatnot, but I think you need time to be completely apart.

Re: The Relationships Thread
 

[quote=DynamiteRave;895637]I suppose this could've been gone in the grind my gears thread, but I figure this could be a useful thread to bitch about the opposite sex (or if you're me, both) regardless of if you're single, attached or married.

My ex-gf, who we've been attempting to keep an amicable friendship with each other since we broke up last Feb, has been basically made that impossible. We've both moved on and are seeing other people, but she seems to be slowly trying to delete me from her life since she's been involved with someone new. So.. Since December. This is after she made a play to try to get me to leave who I'm seeing now to be with her again. In November.

This has me a bit unnerved. I suppose after over a year later and seeing that we're both in new relationships, it shouldn't matter so much but for some reason it bothers me. A lot. I actually don't really have a good method to being like, "Well F you too then, bitch" or how I should actually be processing the whole thing. I just try to distract myself and hope it'll matter less.

Any advice on should exes be friends or completely cut off contact with each other? Or just any ideas in general?

Seriously, I'm not trying to turn this into my own little Cosmopolitan. lol marriage and dating can be rough. Its just nice to have a place to vent solely about the relationships world. I dunno what it's like to be married but I'm sure it can't always be the honeymoon period.

Oh, and then on the other side of things, there's this guy at the gym who's been eyeing me for a few weeks now. I mean he's attractive enough but I'm with someone and he's just really creepy about it. And then we waved at me today and I nearly died, in the bad way. Gym creepers are the worse. :/[/quote]
Clean, friendly breakups are the easiest thing going forward. BUT, being "friends" is another matter and probably does not work out much. If you get back together....it will likely end the same. There is a real reason it did not work the first time.
Why do......you have a problem walking away....? Sometimes hard to answer honestly.
Amicable departures make it much easier on the personal media Firefight. Better all the way around.
TIME does heal many things......
AND, does gym guy wear Spandex? If so, could be trouble........
Good Luck with it DRave...

Re: The Relationships Thread
 

[quote=Hog1;895658]Clean, friendly breakups are the easiest thing going forward. BUT, being "friends" is another matter and probably does not work out much. If you get back together....it will likely end the same. There is a real reason it did not work the first time.
Why do......you have a problem walking away....? Sometimes hard to answer honestly.
Amicable departures make it much easier on the personal media Firefight. Better all the way around.
TIME does heal many things......
AND, does gym guy wear Spandex? If so, could be trouble........
Good Luck with it DRave...[/quote]

Haha. Thanks. I'm happily in a relationship though and I'm in no way going back to that. But I still have feelings no doubt, I just know we've tried twice in the past and it both ended in a huge mess.

And the guy doesnt wear spandex. But he's just a creeper. lol I wish dudes would just talk to me the old fashioned way instead of being either uber creepy or uber ghetto (yelling at me, AYE GIRL!)

Re: The Relationships Thread
 

[quote=DynamiteRave;895662]Haha. Thanks. I'm happily in a relationship though and I'm in no way going back to that. But I still have feelings no doubt, I just know we've tried twice in the past and it both ended in a huge mess.

And the guy doesnt wear spandex. But he's just a creeper. lol I wish dudes would just talk to me the old fashioned way instead of being either uber creepy or uber ghetto (yelling at me, [B]AYE GIRL![/B])[/quote]

:rofl:

Re: The Relationships Thread
 

DRave, it sounds like your old partner has very deep feelings for you. Feelings that they can't control or conquer very easily. Therefore the need to cut you out of her life - she can't have a relationship with you nor can she throttle the feelings into friendship alone, leaving "cut and run" as the only strategy for her. From her point of view, it likely is preferable to have no feelings for you at all than to have uncontrollable feelings in the context of friendship. And the only way to have no feelings for you is to pretend that you do not exist.

If I am right, it will be difficult to be friends with her any time soon. Maybe not ever. But as hard as that might seem, it is actually a supreme compliment toward you.

Re: The Relationships Thread
 

I'm a big believer in completely and 100% moving on and leaving the past behind. All breakups should be permanent with no contact thereafter.

Re: The Relationships Thread
 

[quote=Schneed10;895696]I'm a big believer in completely and 100% moving on and leaving the past behind. All breakups should be permanent with no contact thereafter.[/quote]

This. It's just way to hard and potentially messy to have ex's lingering around. Potential bad lack of judgement moments sometimes present themselves, constantly comparing your current relationship to things your ex did because they are always fresh on your mind, etc etc.

I'm only on decent speaking terms with one ex, but I try not to talk too much with her because she's now married with a kid and lately when we seem to talk she skews the conversation into a weird and inappropriate direction and I'm not that kind of guy.

I definitely know it can be tough, some relationships more so than others, but I know less than 3 people who keep in contact with ex's and they primarily do so for random late night hook ups.

Re: The Relationships Thread
 

[quote=skinsfanthru&thru;895702]This. It's just way to hard and potentially messy to have ex's lingering around. Potential bad lack of judgement moments sometimes present themselves, constantly comparing your current relationship to things your ex did because they are always fresh on your mind, etc etc.

I'm only on decent speaking terms with one ex, but I try not to talk too much with her because she's now married with a kid and lately when we seem to talk [B]she skews the conversation into a weird and inappropriate direction[/B] and I'm not that kind of guy.

I definitely know it can be tough, some relationships more so than others, but I know less than 3 people who keep in contact with ex's and they primarily do so for random late night hook ups.[/quote]

That's happened a lot with various exes. So far I've only managed to have 1 successful post break up friendship but only because I keep them emotionally at a distance since I think they're a bit crazy.

I dunno. I just feel like it's possible to be friendly and non sexual with an ex. Or at least that's always my bright side feeling. Most people I've talked to about their breakup habits seem to be in the "cutting off everything is best" group.

Re: The Relationships Thread
 

[quote=DynamiteRave;895714]That's happened a lot with various exes. So far I've only managed to have 1 successful post break up friendship but only because I keep them emotionally at a distance since I think they're a bit crazy.

I dunno. [B]I just feel like it's possible to be friendly and non sexual with an ex[/B]. Or at least that's always my bright side feeling. Most people I've talked to about their breakup habits seem to be in the "cutting off everything is best" group.[/quote]

I am sure it's possible but in my case not very.....probable. In my case, if not a clean break and walk away kind of deal, things get wierd, messy, then poisonous...........

Re: The Relationships Thread
 

Best to move on completely. I once had an amicable breakup, then we got back together, and the second breakup was horrific.

On an unrelated, but kinda related note. Had been wanting to start a thread with this article but got sidetracked with other threads

[url=http://gizmodo.com/5890833/women-are-happier-in-relationships-when-their-partner-knows-theyre-miserable]Women Are Happier in Relationships When Their Partner Knows They're Miserable[/url]

Man, this is so true. My wife is like this all the time "I feel better when you know I feel bad" And I'm like "I feel better when you just feel better"

[QUOTE=SmootSmack;895784]Best to move on completely. I once had an amicable breakup, then we got back together, and the second breakup was horrific.

On an unrelated, but kinda related note. Had been wanting to start a thread with this article but got sidetracked with other threads

[url=http://gizmodo.com/5890833/women-are-happier-in-relationships-when-their-partner-knows-theyre-miserable]Women Are Happier in Relationships When Their Partner Knows They're Miserable[/url]

Man, this is so true. My wife is like this all the time "I feel better when you know I feel bad" And I'm like "I feel better when you just feel better"[/QUOTE]

Women are hard to understand

Re: The Relationships Thread
 

[quote=SmootSmack;895784]Best to move on completely. I once had an amicable breakup, then we got back together, and the second breakup was horrific.

On an unrelated, but kinda related note. Had been wanting to start a thread with this article but got sidetracked with other threads

[url=http://gizmodo.com/5890833/women-are-happier-in-relationships-when-their-partner-knows-theyre-miserable]Women Are Happier in Relationships When Their Partner Knows They're Miserable[/url]

Man, this is so true. My wife is like this all the time "I feel better when you know I feel bad" And I'm like[B] "I feel better when you just feel better[/B]"[/quote]

it seems so simple

Re: The Relationships Thread
 

[quote=Schneed10;895696]I'm a big believer in completely and 100% moving on and leaving the past behind. All breakups should be permanent with no contact thereafter.[/quote]


Wise man.

Re: The Relationships Thread
 

You say you have moved on to another relationship but it still sounds like you still have some feeling for your ex. That the only way to explain you getting upset about something she has done. If you didn't have those feeling you would not care.

Re: The Relationships Thread
 

Somewhat off topic, but the direction of this thread reminded me of this...

[B]Wife's Diary:[/B]
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.
I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving.
I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

[B]Husband's Diary:[/B]
Boat wouldn't start, can't figure it out.

Re: The Relationships Thread
 

[quote=Schneed10;895696]I'm a big believer in completely and 100% moving on and leaving the past behind. All breakups should be permanent with no contact thereafter.[/quote]

agree, ive always had to do that. Whats tough is when you work with the person. So ive said ill never do that again, but it elimnates a good pool of potentials because i spend 50 hours a week at work with alot of chicks from a lot of different areas of my job. So it feels like a catch 22.

Re: The Relationships Thread
 

[quote=cpayne5;895835]Somewhat off topic, but the direction of this thread reminded me of this...

[B]Wife's Diary:[/B]
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.
I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving.
I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

[B]Husband's Diary:[/B]
Boat wouldn't start, can't figure it out.[/quote]

:laughing2

[QUOTE=cpayne5;895835]Somewhat off topic, but the direction of this thread reminded me of this...

[B]Wife's Diary:[/B]
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.
I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving.
I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

[B]Husband's Diary:[/B]
Boat wouldn't start, can't figure it out.[/QUOTE]

Lmao so true

Re: The Relationships Thread
 

Well, to give a quick word of advice. Always take a good amount of time between relationships for yourself. You'll know how long you'll need. Take advantage of that time you're single to work on things about yourself that either need to be changed or improved. Think of it as giving yourself and your life a good "tune up" so that you'll be at your best when a new person comes along. You want to be able to devote your all to that new relationship, not have nagging "issues" from a prior. Even if you feel you're ready to move on, if there are any sort of lingering thoughts or feelings for a prior ex, you're probably not honestly ready to move on. Its normal to still have sexual desires for the ex, but if you still have them lingering on, you're going to eventually act upon them.

The hardest thing with allowing yourself time to get away from dating is the sex part. Most people place sex at such an important part of their life that they're not strong enough or willing to give up sex long enough to allow them time to focus on themselves. It's sad but true. I was able to do and I'm glad I did abstain. Was it difficult? Sure it was. And the funny thing is that my current fiancee' is saving herself for marriage, lol! So, I had to abstain even after finding a new person. But, I have no regrets from that at all.

The biggest point is to give yourself a chance to relax and reboot, even if it makes your look "weak" to your ex. You'll be glad you did so.

Re: The Relationships Thread
 

Rave, Send her this.
[IMG]http://i44.tinypic.com/qris1f.gif[/IMG]

Re: The Relationships Thread
 

I disagree with those who say you always need a clean break after it is over. I think it depends on circumstance. I have some ex's who I happily will never see again but also a couple of ex's who remain nice friends.

Re: The Relationships Thread
 

Relationships that end are like Skin cancer...you got to cut it off and let your wounds heal. Once they are healed you can go out in the Sun and enjoy all the vitamin D it has to offer.

Personally, if my relationship with you ends I don't fcking want to know you. I'll say hi if we ever see each other in public and shit but that's about it....life is too short and I could use one less "friend" I have to keep in touch with. Things are simpler this way.


Drop her like dead skin and move on!

Re: The Relationships Thread
 

[quote=Schneed10;895696]I'm a big believer in completely and 100% moving on and leaving the past behind. All breakups should be permanent with no contact thereafter.[/quote]

Good advice, definitely agree but much easier said than done especially when you're younger and don't yet have experience on your side.

Re: The Relationships Thread
 

[quote=cpayne5;895835]Somewhat off topic, but the direction of this thread reminded me of this...

[B]Wife's Diary:[/B]
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.
I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving.
I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

[B]Husband's Diary:[/B]
Boat wouldn't start, can't figure it out.[/quote]

:laughing- :laughing2 :lol: :rofl:

Re: The Relationships Thread
 

my "high school sweetheart" won't go away. out of college, she got a job where my mom works. she doesn't work there anymore but she babysits my niece and talks to my family. up until maybe a year ago she say things like "i was a big part of your life, i don't see how you can turn your back on me" it makes me feel bad but i have no desire to be her friend. we were teenagers, it's been years and years. leave

Re: The Relationships Thread
 

I think a clean break is always the best way to do it. Before I met my wife, I really only had 2 serious relationships post-high school. Both lasted 1 year plus. One ended with the girlfriend I lived with cheating on me and then leaving me for the guy, the other ended with me breaking it off, and then she proceeded to take a bunch of pills and slit her wrists, landing her on suicide watch in the hospital.

So yeah, a clean break. :)

Re: The Relationships Thread
 

DR you confuse me. In one thread you posted this:

ISO: Male. skateboarder. Preferably single. Inquire within.

Now you have this thread.

Re: The Relationships Thread
 

Probably best to leave it alone, per the other comments. It's the gray area -- that middle ground, let's just be cool shit -- that tends to get us in trouble. Frankly, someone will always like the "other" more than they're letting on and hiding how they're truly feeling. So it becomes an endless, exhausting guessing game of figuring out who likes whom more and trying to interpreting feelings and motives. Here's the thing, it's not so much that people always want to get back together, as they miss that old familiar feeling. Make sense?

Basically the mental ping pong, if you allow it, can turn into a game of manipulation. I'm talking about to well meaning people. I think we are inherently selfish when it comes to romance and love, so honesty is relative and should be in the context of is this person brutally self-aware. If they're not, keep it moving.

You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders. You probably just needed to air this out in forum, so to speak, without judgement or folks prying into other areas of your bidness.

12th's 2 cents.

Re: The Relationships Thread
 

Alls I know is 12th got dumped by someone once....and then he made us ban her as retribution

Re: The Relationships Thread
 

[quote=SmootSmack;896339]Alls I know is 12th got dumped by someone once....[B]and then he made us ban her as retribution[/B][/quote]

This sounds like a mob hit. LOL.

Re: The Relationships Thread
 

[quote=SmootSmack;896339]Alls I know is 12th got dumped by someone once....and then he made us ban her as retribution[/quote]

In the words of the honorable Mayor Marion Barry, that b*tch set me up!

Re: The Relationships Thread
 

[quote=SmootSmack;895784]Best to move on completely. I once had an amicable breakup, then we got back together, and the second breakup was horrific.

On an unrelated, but kinda related note. Had been wanting to start a thread with this article but got sidetracked with other threads

[url=http://gizmodo.com/5890833/women-are-happier-in-relationships-when-their-partner-knows-theyre-miserable]Women Are Happier in Relationships When Their Partner Knows They're Miserable[/url]

Man, this is so true. My wife is like this all the time "I feel better when you know I feel bad" And I'm like "I feel better when you just feel better"[/quote]

One thing I've learned in my young life is simply don't try to figure out women as a man. When it comes to relationships they work in completely different ways and to try and figure it out or "solve it" (which is exactly the type of things we as guys love to do) is just enough to make you go insane.

All I do know when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex is that you can't go wrong with listening and making them laugh. That's it! Trying to figure out anything beyond that is mental suicide.

Re: The Relationships Thread
 

[quote=firstdown;896091]DR you confuse me. In one thread you posted this:

ISO: Male. skateboarder. Preferably single. Inquire within.

Now you have this thread.[/quote]

lol jesus, lemme be explicit then...

I'm bisexual.

Woot?

Re: The Relationships Thread
 

[quote=SmootSmack;896339]Alls I know is 12th got dumped by someone once....and then he made us ban her as retribution[/quote]

I miss her.. I've seen her over at ExtremeSkins. But I feel dirty just logging into that board. Like I'm cheating on the WP.

Edit: Okay I don't miss her. I miss her extreme glass half-empty, pessimism. Must not have been getting enough. :/

Re: The Relationships Thread
 

[quote=DynamiteRave;896619]lol jesus, lemme be explicit then...

I'm bisexual.

Woot?[/quote]

WELL.....I guess the Cat's outta' the bag!
........hmmmm, that's not politically incorrect in some way is it?

Re: The Relationships Thread
 

[quote=SmootSmack;896339]Alls I know is 12th got dumped by someone once....and then he made us ban her as retribution[/quote]

Oh man. I hate reality TV, but that thread was so much fun. That whole situation (sorry, I love ya 12th, but real talk), was like watching a train crash into a steel wall, and yet I couldn't look away. Good old Hess.

Re: The Relationships Thread
 

[quote=DynamiteRave;896619]lol jesus, lemme be explicit then...

I'm bisexual.

Woot?[/quote]

So happy childhood, no violent boyfriends just tried the chick thing and ended up liking it? Which I can believe by the way.

See this is what I was talking about with my head exploding from trying to understand women.

From my limited understanding it is perfectly plausible that a woman could have a normal childhood and no history of abuse and become bisexual. However if a guy is bisexual there is like a 99% chance something happened.

[quote]More young women than men reported that they were attracted to both sexes and that they were "mostly" straight or bisexual.

"Women are more likely to have sexual identities that fluctuate over time," Lindley says. "Whereas with men, it tends to be either 'I'm straight' or 'I'm gay.'"
[/quote]
Now I have a headache. Must think simple. No philosophize. Hang dry wall. Eat meat.

[QUOTE=DynamiteRave;896619]lol jesus, lemme be explicit then...

I'm bisexual.

Woot?[/QUOTE]

Your pretty cool