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backrow 04-29-2004 12:57 PM

I found this over on HailRedskins.com.

Top Stories - Global Associated News

Bill Parcells Arrested On Multiple Charges
April 29, 2004

Bill Parcells

was arrested for lewd conduct, shoplifting, and assault at Classy & Sassy ladies boutique, on Reid street.

Authorities documented in a police report that Bill Parcells entered the Classy & Sassy boutique at approximately 11:15 a.m. After failing to emerge from a ladies dressing room stall, store clerks knocked on the door asking if he was 'ok' or needed assistance. Bill Parcells was then reported to have exited the dressing room wearing high heel shoes, women's thong underwear and matching bra along with a dress wrapped around his head as a hat.

Bill Parcells allegedly began dancing and skipping around the store shouting "I'm a pretty princess" over and over, according to witness reports. When asked by the manager to leave the store, Bill Parcells squatted in the front lobby and defecated on the floor. He then picked up his feces with his hand, took a bite, and asked store patrons if they wanted a bite of his cake to celebrate his birthday.

Clearly becoming a threat to others, one of the female clerks tackled Bill Parcells, and with the assistance of two other women he was restrained until police arrived at the scene.

Mary Smith, one of the store clerks told UJ reporters, "I only weigh 105 pounds and didn't think I could tackle him, but he went down really easily. He's very weak, and very disturbed."

Initial toxicology reports indicate that Bill Parcells was high on a mixture of narcotics and prescription drugs at the time of the incident. Results of a psychological exam to determine if he will face possible jail time or be institutionalized are pending.

For more information about this story & source details, please visit : Global Associated News -- source details and information

Paintrain 04-29-2004 01:21 PM

It's a hoax.. Global Associated News is a known farce.. They were the ones floating the Vick-gay "announcement" a couple weeks back.

Gmanc711 04-29-2004 01:45 PM

Honestly, even as a Redskin fan, thats not funny. What a stupid article.

SKINSnCANES 04-29-2004 01:48 PM

Yea thats pretty stupid, None of us like the cowboys, and im sure plenty of people dont even like Parcells. But either way, hes changed the NFL, will be a Hall of Fame coach and if you were going to make up a scandle about him you should atleast make it seem realistic. Like, 'Tuna drownds in fishing accident' or somethign corny like that, heh

Carnage 04-29-2004 02:47 PM

I dunno...its kinda funny.

skinsfanthru&thru 04-29-2004 02:55 PM

I stopped reading after the first paragraph cuz I figured it was a joke but part of me thought it'd be kinda funny if he was caught trying on womens clothing.

skinsfanthru&thru 04-29-2004 02:56 PM

plus after reading the rest of it, i seriously doubt one women could tackle a big son of a gun like parcells. unless of course she went for a chop block or something.

Riggo44 04-29-2004 03:11 PM

What the hell was that?? I'm sure. Like B.P would pull a Wynona Rider! Keep dreaming.

Riggo44 04-29-2004 03:29 PM

Did you guy's know that the Pope want's Mel Gibson as his predecessor? Since we were talking such B.S! I thought I should throw that one out there!

Daseal 04-29-2004 03:37 PM

Mel Gibson is too conservative, even for the pope.

MTK 04-29-2004 05:13 PM


ShaolinMonk81 04-29-2004 05:16 PM

Come on, guys! That was very funny! And the reason why is that it is so far fetched, it would take a complete and total idiot to believe it. Do you believe anything that you see on the cover of that black and white publication, Weekly World News? I didn't think so. It would be far worse to come up with something more realistic, b/c then some people might believe it. Parcells is such a hard ass and a disciplinarian, this is a complete farce. It also continues the Cowboys tradition of drug use.

offiss 04-29-2004 05:24 PM

I have to laugh.

MTK 04-29-2004 05:29 PM

Reminds me of the onion, but not nearly as clever or funny.


cpayne5 04-29-2004 07:56 PM

It would be believable if it was Troy Aikman instead.

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