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-   -   The Guy's Rules. (http://www.thewarpath.net/parking-lot/15320-the-guys-rules.html)

gibbsisgod 10-30-2006 09:53 AM

The Guy's Rules.
 
[CENTER][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=4][COLOR=black]The Guys' Rules[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=4][COLOR=black]
[I]At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down.[/I][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][I][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/I]
[I][U][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=4][COLOR=red]Finally[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/U][/I][I][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=4][COLOR=black], the guys' side of the story.
([/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/I][I][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=4][COLOR=black]I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/I][I][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=4][COLOR=red]the rules[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/I][I][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=4][COLOR=black]" from the female side.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/I][I][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/I]
[I][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=4][COLOR=black]Now here are the rules from the male side.
[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/I][FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=black]
Please note, these are all numbered "1" [U]ON PURPOSE![/U][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=black]1. Men are NOT mind readers.

[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=black]1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=black]1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moonor the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=black]1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we’re never going to think of it as such.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=black]
1. Crying is blackmail.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=black]
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it![/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=black]
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=black]1. Come to us with a problem [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][U][FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=#3366ff]only[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/U][FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=black] if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=black]1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=navy] Problem.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=black]See a doctor.

[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=black]1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=black]1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][U][FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=#993300]don't[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/U][FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=black] expect us to act like soap opera guys.

[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=black]1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=black]1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry,[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=black] We meant the [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][U][FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=#003300]other one[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/U][FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=black]

[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=black]1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=black]1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=black]1. Christopher Columbus did [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][U][FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=teal]NOT[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/U][FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=black] need directions and neither do we.

[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=black]1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][U][FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=#993366]no[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/U][FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=black] idea what mauve is.

[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=black]1. If it itches, it [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][U][FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=red]will[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/U][FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=black] be scratched.
We do that.

[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=black]1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=black]1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=black]1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][U][FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=#333399]Really[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/U][FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=#333399].[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=black]
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=black]the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=black]1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][U][FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=blue]Round[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/U][FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=black] IS a shape![/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=black]
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [/CENTER]

jsarno 10-30-2006 01:37 PM

Re: The Guy's Rules.
 
That's funny!

I'd like to add one:

1- When it is that time of the month, Yes, it is indeed hummer week!

That Guy 11-01-2006 10:47 AM

Re: The Guy's Rules.
 
pretty good.

dmek25 11-01-2006 10:53 AM

Re: The Guy's Rules.
 
about time, giggity. what took you so long?

EternalEnigma21 11-01-2006 07:27 PM

Re: The Guy's Rules.
 
1- If you can justify spending 500 dollars on a dog, or 450 on some shoes and be happy you made that decision... do NOT bitch because I buy too many 1.00 sodas in a week!

EternalEnigma21 11-01-2006 07:30 PM

Re: The Guy's Rules.
 
And I've had that stance on the toilet seat since I was a kid, just glad to see someone else standing with me on that one... its like its expected we have to put it up and down... there's no sharing the workload...

(the only downside, is that if they happen to fall in and they're sadistic enough- and they freaking are, believe me- they'll not clean up and let you... well you know...:vomit: )

mooby 11-01-2006 08:55 PM

Re: The Guy's Rules.
 
Very nice set of rules, and very true. The toilet seat one is very accurate.

RedskinRat 11-01-2006 10:31 PM

Re: The Guy's Rules.
 
1. Yes, Football [B][U]IS THAT FUCKING IMPORTANT![/U][/B]


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