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firstdown 12-05-2008 11:29 AM

American's With No Abilities Act
Washington, DC- Congress is considering sweeping legislation that
will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No
Abilities Act (AWNAA ) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by
advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or

'Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and
drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in
society,' said California Senator Barbara Boxer. 'We can no longer
stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed
over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant
special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have
some idea of what they are doing.'

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi
and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S.
Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing
opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of
postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single
largest U. S. employer of Persons of Inability.

Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination
against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry
(68%), and home improvement 'warehouse' stores (65%). At the state
government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an
excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%).

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million
'middle man' positions will be created, with important-sounding titles
but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of
purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so
as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable
employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to
corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability
into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and
medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for
every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more
difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled , banning, for
example, discriminatory interview questions such as, 'Do you have any
skills or experience that relate to this job?'

'As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who
have something going for them,' said Mary Lou Gertz , who lost her
position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan, due
to her inability to remember rightey tightey, lefty loosey . 'This new
law should be real good for people like me,' Gertz added. With the
passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens
will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Senator Dick Durban (D-IL): 'As a Senator with no abilities, I
believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be
extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as
lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of
his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great
nation and a good salary for doing so.'

KLHJ2 12-05-2008 11:33 AM

Re: American's With No Abilities Act
Ok, I'm done laughing now. Where did you get this?

Mattyk 12-05-2008 11:35 AM

Re: American's With No Abilities Act
Sounds like something from The Onion

KLHJ2 12-05-2008 11:44 AM

Re: American's With No Abilities Act

[URL="http://www.snopes.com/humor/iftrue/noabilities.asp"]snopes.com: Americans with No Abilities Act[/URL]

Mattyk 12-05-2008 11:59 AM

Re: American's With No Abilities Act
I'm surprised jsarno wasn't all over this one asking if it was for real!


firstdown 12-05-2008 12:22 PM

Re: American's With No Abilities Act
Angery did you really have to look that up to know it was not for real?

KLHJ2 12-05-2008 12:37 PM

Re: American's With No Abilities Act
[quote=firstdown;507495]Angery did you really have to look that up to know it was not for real?[/quote]

No, but did you have to mis spell my screen name?

EternalEnigma21 12-05-2008 01:06 PM

Re: American's With No Abilities Act
[quote=Angry;507500]No, but did you have to mis spell my screen name?[/quote]


firstdown 12-05-2008 01:21 PM

Re: American's With No Abilities Act
[quote=Angry;507500]No, but did you have to mis spell my screen name?[/quote]
Yes I am a American with no spelling abilities.

redskinjim 12-05-2008 11:05 PM

Re: American's With No Abilities Act
out here they are laying off people (mailmen with less than 5 years service)to cut back .

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