Warpath  

Home | Forums | Salary Cap Info | Shop | Donate | Stay Connected




Go Back   Warpath > Redskins Forums > Redskins Locker Room


Overcomplicated NFL Rules by the Onion

Redskins Locker Room


Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 09-17-2010, 02:08 PM   #1
Gamebreaker
 
CRedskinsRule's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Pasadena, Md
Age: 47
Posts: 12,802
Overcomplicated NFL Rules by the Onion

Enjoy(and add some more if you have any):

The NFL's Overcomplicated Rules | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

Quote:
The NFL's Overcomplicated Rules

Football may have the most complex rule set of any sport, as the Lions found out last Sunday when a game-winning catch was disallowed. Here are a few other examples:

* In order to meet with league requirements, the home team should have 36 balls for outdoor games and 24 for indoor games, all of which must be available for testing with a pressure gauge by the referee two hours prior to the start of the game. Jesus Christ
* On a kickoff, the clock does not start until the ball has been legally touched by a player; if it is illegally touched, the player is sent to prison for life, although the clock still starts
* There are 45 seconds between plays. Sounds simple enough, but as the clock ticks down, players have to shout out what each second is divided by three or face a 10-yard penalty
* Players must catch the ball with the NFL logo right-side-up and facing the cameras in order for the reception to be ruled complete
* Balls are to be spotted short for the Lions until a majority of officials on the field determine it's no longer funny, at which point the Lions automatically forfeit
* The pylons and goalposts extend upward infinitely until they finally reach another universe where football is played sideways
* Following a touchdown, players may spike, spin, or roll the football, though no rolls may contain a spinning motion and no spun balls may be rolled after the spin is completed; either results in a loss of touchdown.
* By rule, the exact definition of pass interference shall forever remain as mysterious as the definition of love and elusive as the definition of beauty
__________________
Dirtbag59, sending songs to oblivion 1 writer at a time.
CRedskinsRule is offline   Reply With Quote

Advertisements
Old 09-17-2010, 02:10 PM   #2
Gamebreaker
 
CRedskinsRule's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Pasadena, Md
Age: 47
Posts: 12,802
Re: Overcomplicated NFL Rules by the Onion

Also from the Onion:

Quote:
Touchdown Disallowed After Ref Drops Ball Handed To Him By Player

September 17, 2010 | ISSUE 46•37
Article Tools
KANSAS CITY, MO—Chargers' tight end Antonio Gates' 3-yard touchdown reception against the Chiefs Monday was ruled incomplete after referee Doug Rosenbaum bobbled and dropped the ball handed to him by Gates. "The rule in question states, 'A referee must maintain possession through the entirety of the post-touchdown player-to-referee-exchange, and make a clear officiating move," NFL vice president of officiating Carl Johnson said at a press conference Tuesday. "Not only must the official signal a touchdown, receive the game ball, hold it, and twirl it around a little in his hands, but he must also take it home with him and keep it in his possession for at least three days. That is the only way a touchdown is officially recorded in the NFL." Johnson insisted the rules of the league must be upheld, because otherwise fans might actually be happy.
__________________
Dirtbag59, sending songs to oblivion 1 writer at a time.
CRedskinsRule is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-17-2010, 02:20 PM   #3
Franchise Player
 
jsarno's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: 31 Spooner St.
Age: 39
Posts: 9,534
Re: Overcomplicated NFL Rules by the Onion

LOL...those are both a riot. Just goes to show you how bad that call was. Like the tuck rule!

What I don't get is, Johnson had 2 feet down, then had a knee and an elbow down before he "lost control of the ball" (aka: let it go to celebrate his td). Doesn't that count for something? So someone can walk several steps across the endzone after a touchdown, stumble and put the ball on the ground and it's a no catch???
__________________
Zoltan is ZESTY! - courtesy of joeredskin
jsarno is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-17-2010, 02:42 PM   #4
Contains football related knowledge
 
JoeRedskin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Second Star On The Right
Age: 51
Posts: 8,743
Re: Overcomplicated NFL Rules by the Onion

The ground cannot cause a fumble unless the player touches the ground with either his feet, knees, elbows or hands during the play.

Players may not express any individualism in their uniforms. Any deviation from the registered uniform where will require the offending player to be branded w/ the Reebok trademark on their left butt cheek.

The ball may not be snapped until all the officials have reached their designated on-field locations, checked their e-mail and updated their twitter accounts. Any QB that snaps the ball prior to the officials signaling readiness will have his own balls cut off and inflated for use on the next play.
__________________
You aren't worth the water in my spit but, maybe, just maybe, you're worth the lead in my shotgun.
JoeRedskin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-17-2010, 02:47 PM   #5
Living Legend
 
Monkeydad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: PA
Age: 35
Posts: 16,275
Re: Overcomplicated NFL Rules by the Onion

Quote:
Originally Posted by CRedskinsRule View Post

Love the Lions' ball spot rule.

Santana is in trouble though...
Quote:
Following a touchdown, players may spike, spin, or roll the football, though no rolls may contain a spinning motion and no spun balls may be rolled after the spin is completed; either results in a loss of touchdown.
__________________
Not sent from a Droid, iPhone, Blackberry or toaster
Monkeydad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-17-2010, 03:59 PM   #6
Mann Up HOF!
 
Lotus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Hattiesburg, MS
Posts: 10,773
Re: Overcomplicated NFL Rules by the Onion

Awesome CRed. Gotta love the Onion.
__________________
Rooting for the Dallas Cowboys should be recognized as a treatable mental disorder.
Lotus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-17-2010, 04:26 PM   #7
Playmaker
 
sportscurmudgeon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 3,159
Re: Overcomplicated NFL Rules by the Onion

Week in and week out, The Onion has the best satirical writing in the country.
__________________
The Sports Curmudgeon
www.sportscurmudgeon.com
But don't get me wrong, I love sports...
sportscurmudgeon is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:45 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
This site is not officially affiliated with the Washington Redskins or the NFL.
Page generated in 0.19472 seconds with 9 queries

Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.2.0 RC5

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25