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Old 01-02-2005, 07:54 PM   #1
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Funny Stuff

Since the season is over.......this article has some funny stuff.......doesn't necessarily pertain to the Skins....although Ray Lewis is mentioned as making a comment during a Redskin loss but it does pertain to sports and thought some might enjoy it................

Posted on Sun, Jan. 02, 2005


The best quips, rips, slips of 2004: Part 2

NASCAR driver Morgan Shepherd, on the Pacers-Pistons incident: "None of our fans would ever let go of a beer for any reason, much less throw it at somebody."

"We're a big finishing team," said USC receiver Steve Smith after the Trojans rallied from a 28-17 halftime deficit to beat Stanford 31-28. "But we've got to have that finish in the beginning."

Right now, the economy in Nigeria is such that 25 cows is considered having a lot," says Chicago Bears defensive end Adewale Ogunleye, who is first in line to succeed his uncle as king of the Nigerian city of Emure. "Well, 25 cows doesn't do anything for me, so I think I'll be in Chicago for a while."

Canadian snowboarder Ross Rebagliati almost lost his gold medal at the 1998 Olympics after traces of marijuana were found in his system. This year he was sued by an ex-girlfriend for her portion of a house the two bought together. Says Cam Hutchinson of the Saskatoon (Saskatchewan) StarPhoenix, "In real estate, I believe they call this a joint venture."

An array of talent - Boxing promoter Bob Arum, on a host of NBA stars who showed up to watch the fight in which Bernard Hopkins knocked out Oscar De La Hoya: "I had a better basketball team at the fight than they had in Athens."

Virginia kick returner Marquis Weeks, talking to The Washington Post about his 100-yard kickoff return against North Carolina: "That was just instinct. Kind of like running from the cops."

Padres manager Bruce Bochy, after pinch-hitter Kerry Robinson bounced into a triple play: "You're thinking he's a good guy to stay out of the double play. Well, we did that."

And fit is what it's all about - Canadian curler Glenn Howard on his endorsement deal with Trojan condoms: "What the affiliation with curling is I'm still not sure, but they feel that's it's a good fit for them."

Pete McEntegart of SportsIllustrated.com, on the opening of the Charles Barkley Reading & Learning Center in Peoria, Ariz.: "The center is expected to perform important work in teaching youth to speak without thinking."

Raiders guard Frank Middleton, on his holding penalty that negated a 56-yard touchdown run by Amos Zereoue in a 35-14 loss to the Colts: "They couldn't stop Zereoue, but I could."

That Ray Lewis, he's got a million of 'em - During a victory over the Redskins, Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis was caught by a microphone on the sidelines telling teammates, "Guess what, dog? I know everything's going the way it's going, but I got some great news for y'all - I just saved a whole bunch of money on my car insurance."

After the Twins lost to the Yankees in the ALDS, Minnesota pitcher Terry Mulholland told the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, "I thought the Yankees did well - given their financial constraints."

Twins reliever Juan Rincon, after giving up a pivotal three-run homer to Ruben Sierra in the decisive game in the ALDS, said, "No one wants to be in my pants right now."

Prevent defense - Twins manager Ron Gardenhire, on how bench coach Steve Liddle saved the day after the Twins got an early-morning wakeup call in Kansas City because of a tornado warning: "He just took a bag of our bats and put them in the window. He knew nothing would hit it."

No argument here - Toronto Argonauts tailback John Avery, on his Canadian Football League team's 29-11 loss to the Calgary Stampeders: "Everything that went wrong did."

Tex Winter, 80, has spent 57 years in coaching. "I didn't invent the game of basketball," he says, "but I was there to hold the ladder for James Naismith."

What can Brown do for you? - Patriots wide receiver Troy Brown was wide open in the corner of the end zone when he caught a pass from kicker Adam Vinatieri on a fake field goal. Brown's solitude was obvious to everyone but the Rams' defense. "I don't think it was the trickiest play in the world," Rams coach Mike Martz said. "I mean, where was he going? To the john?"

Kansas City Chiefs long-snapper Kendall Gammon, on being listed as a tight end: "About the only thing Tony Gonzalez and I have in common is we're carbon-based forms of life."

During a 13-3 win over the Cardinals, Jets coach Herm Edwards' headset briefly malfunctioned. His wife was sitting in the second row. "I was going to ask her if I could use her cell phone," Edwards said. "I don't know if we had enough minutes."

Pick a key- Washington State football coach Bill Doba, on USC sophomore tailback/receiver Reggie Bush: "If you've got a linebacker covering him, you might as well start singing their fight song."

The triplicate deception - Titans coach Jeff Fisher called for three onside kicks and a fake punt in the first quarter of a 51-24 loss to the high-powered Colts. It may not have demonstrated the power of positive thinking, but Fisher told his players, "So what if they get it on the 40-yard line? They're three plays away from being on the 40-yard line anyway."

From Brent Barry's bio in the San Antonio Spurs' media guide: "Says he would give his right arm to be ambidextrous."

"When it is all said and done," says Mike Lupica of the New York Daily News, "the New York Yankees are the last place in big-time sports where there is no salary cap, other than perhaps some of your big-time college football programs in the South and Midwest."

Tom FitzGerald can be reached via e-mail at openseasonsfchronicle.com.
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Old 01-02-2005, 11:15 PM   #2
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there is some funny stuff in there
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