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SirLK26 · 06-07-2013, 11:27 AM

The title says it all. Post 'em if you've got 'em!

A blonde from California decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune . . . the Supermarket manager sees her and shuts the horse off.

One day little Johnny was sitting in math class and his teacher was asking the class word problems when she got to Little Johnny and said, "If there are three birds sitting on a power line and you grab your shotgun and shoot two of them, how many are left?"

"None," Johnny replied.

The teacher said "Actually, one would be left, because 3 - 2 = 1."

Little Johnny said "No, if your using a shotgun to shoot at birds then the other one is going to fly off from the sound."

The teacher says "Well, no, the answer is still one, but I like the way you think."

Johnny starts to think to himself, "Hmmm you like the way I think, huh?" and he says to the teacher, "Three women are sitting on a park bench and they all have lolly pops. One of them is licking it, one is sucking on it , and the other is biting it. Which one is married?"

The teacher says "The one sucking it, of course."

And Johnny replies "No, the one wearing the wedding ring... but I like the way you think."

And then this one from RedskinRat that was posted in a joke thread from 2006:

A man walks into the Bank of America and shouts to the woman at the counter: "I want to open a ****ing bank account". The astonished woman replies "I beg your pardon sir. I must have misunderstood you - what did you say?" "Listen up, you ****. I said I want to open a ****ing bank account - right now!!" demands the man.

The shocked woman remembers her training and says "I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank, I will get you my Manager".

The cashier leaves the counter and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation. The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to that foul language.

They both return to the window and the manager asks the man, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?" "There is no ****ing problem" the man says. "I just won 150 million dollars in the ****ing lotto and I just want to open a ****ing bank account, you stupid ****... is that okay?"

"I see," says the manager, "and is this fat ugly bitch giving you a hard time?"

06-07-2013, 11:27 AM	#1
SirLK26 The Starter Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 2,141	The Jokes Thread The title says it all. Post 'em if you've got 'em! A blonde from California decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune . . . the Supermarket manager sees her and shuts the horse off. One day little Johnny was sitting in math class and his teacher was asking the class word problems when she got to Little Johnny and said, "If there are three birds sitting on a power line and you grab your shotgun and shoot two of them, how many are left?" "None," Johnny replied. The teacher said "Actually, one would be left, because 3 - 2 = 1." Little Johnny said "No, if your using a shotgun to shoot at birds then the other one is going to fly off from the sound." The teacher says "Well, no, the answer is still one, but I like the way you think." Johnny starts to think to himself, "Hmmm you like the way I think, huh?" and he says to the teacher, "Three women are sitting on a park bench and they all have lolly pops. One of them is licking it, one is sucking on it , and the other is biting it. Which one is married?" The teacher says "The one sucking it, of course." And Johnny replies "No, the one wearing the wedding ring... but I like the way you think." And then this one from RedskinRat that was posted in a joke thread from 2006: A man walks into the Bank of America and shouts to the woman at the counter: "I want to open a **ing bank account". The astonished woman replies "I beg your pardon sir. I must have misunderstood you - what did you say?" "Listen up, you . I said I want to open a ing bank account - right now!!" demands the man. The shocked woman remembers her training and says "I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank, I will get you my Manager". The cashier leaves the counter and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation. The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to that foul language. They both return to the window and the manager asks the man, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?" "There is no ing problem" the man says. "I just won 150 million dollars in the ing lotto and I just want to open a ing bank account, you stupid **... is that okay?" "I see," says the manager, "and is this fat ugly bitch giving you a hard time?"