understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

[MTK]

Originally Posted by Chico23231

Yep, time for a serious talk....and for god sakes a 40 of Bud Ice? Jesus i just threw up in my coffee

lol one step at a time. We'll work on his beer choices once he gets this situation straightened out.

[BleedBurgundy]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

Hey good morning everyone again.

Last night didn't go so well. I was watching the Skins game alone, because my wife went to visit her parents because it was her brother's 19th birthday.

When she came home, it was about quarter after nine. She sat down on the couch with me, and i began to wonder if I could try and get something going, so i cuddled with her a bit that at first she seemed receptive to. I was rubbing her shoulders, kissing her on the side of the head, etc...

She then said the couch was uncomfortable, so she got up and laid on the other one to read a book. (Not interested in the game). I knew now that things were going downhill and i realized that any chance i had of getting anything going was over. I thought it was smart to abandon the plan because i knew she was only going to get furious if i kept trying.

The game ended and I went to bed. I have to sleep on the farthest edge of the mattress because she doesn't like being touched and stuff while this drought has been going on. She got in bed angrily and called me a son of a bitch, and she said all i ever want to do when i get in bed is to sleep.

I tried to reason with her, explaining to her that i knew she was tired tonight and that by reading her book, she wanted space from me, which i respected. She just got angrier and angrier as i tried to reason with her, and i knew that soon i was going to have to look for another place to sleep. (She will take the pillows and lay down on the floor if I don't leave at night, and she knows that i will feel sorry for her and want her to sleep in the bed, which i do, so i leave).

I walked out into the living room at 11:30, sadly cracked open a 40 of Bud Ice that I had bought for this game, and started drinking it as I watched Mike Shanahan's post game conference.

I drank the 40 and fell asleep. I woke up this morning at 3:30 and couldn't get back to sleep. Going back in the bedroom isn't an option either as she locks the door when i leave, and i could only break open the door with a sledgehammer. So I played Madden, all the while wondering what today was going to be like.

She is at her parents house right now and running some errands. She said good morning to me, but i couldn't tell if she was being mean or sarcastic about it. I almost find myself waiting in fear for her next move...

I had promise yesterday i thought, because she wanted to talk about the issues, but tonight was just a step in the other direction...I will continue to pray and seek advice from people and start getting a gameplan together, because I do believe now that this is the beginning of the end.

Ok, you need to tell her very seriously that you are concerned that the marriage is ending and that you two need to have a good conversation. Then, when you are having the talk, you need to do your absolute best to stay objective and leave as much emotion out of it as possible. Talk about your feelings, but you can't get all worked up to the point of raising your voice or crying about it. Let her scream and cry all she wants, but you have to stay calm. I would honestly leave the sex stuff out of the conversation unless she brings it up. It's pretty clear your issues aren't sex related, there's something deeper going on. After that, you should at least have an idea whether it's even worth trying to save or best to cut your losses and move on. If she's unwilling to have the conversation, then it's over.

[MTK]

What he said above. You've gotta have a serious talk but you can't get worked up or it will quickly go south. Stay objective and don't get caught up in the emotion of things.

[firstdown]

Ok after reading your last post I decided that you need to post a pic of her so we can give you better advise. Yes advise will vary some based on what she looks like. Is she always going over her parents and running errans?

[saden1]

The game plan is to f*ck all that being nice shit....time to be a man and say:

1. I am disgusted by the way you're acting. Things need to change and are going to change around here.
2. I'm not sleeping on the couch again, you are more than welcome to sleep at your parents.
3. I need intimacy on the regular. If I don't get it from you I am leaving your ass within a week.

From the sound of it, this chick is mean spirited and you might be better off without her.

[Hog1]

Well.........something is obviously WAY the F... up and you are not being told. The errands and hanging out at mom and dads makes me suspicious. You have to much invested at this point not to ride it out?

[GMScud]

Originally Posted by saden1

The game plan is to f*ck all that being nice shit....time to be a man and say:

1. I am disgusted by the way you're acting. Things need to change and are going to change around here.
2. I'm not sleeping on the couch again, you are more than welcome to sleep at your parents.
3. I need intestacy on the regular. If I don't get it from you I am leaving your ass within a week.

From the sound of it, this chick is mean spirited and you might be better off without her.

Yup. I definitely lean towards this.

Solid- you are letting her walk all over you. Stop. She's holding you emotionally hostage. Walking around on eggshells in your own house when you've done nothing wrong is a bunch of crap. It's pretty obvious if you come at her with a big attitude she'll probably flip on you, but you've gotta be stern.

You know her better than any of us. Time to sit her down and get some answers. You don't deserve this.

Between TMC's dropping mama at the airport thread, the vasectomy thing, and now this, the Parking Lot has taken on a Dr. Phil kind of feel.

Good luck man.

[hooskins]

Wow man, I dont know what to say. You need to confront her and ask her WTF is the problem and to lay down the truth.

[KLHJ2]

Originally Posted by hooskins

Wow man, I dont know what to say. You need to confront her and ask her WTF is the problem and to lay down the truth.

At least it was only a 40 oz. At first I thouht he meant a 40 pack and I couldn't help but think "You are goinng to die from drinking shitty beer before the alcohol poisioning sets in"

[Slingin Sammy 33]

Originally Posted by saden1

The game plan is to f*ck all that being nice shit....time to be a man and say:

1. I am disgusted by the way you're acting. Things need to change and are going to change around here.
2. I'm not sleeping on the couch again, you are more than welcome to sleep at your parents.
3. I need intestacy on the regular. If I don't get it from you I am leaving your ass within a week.

From the sound of it, this chick is mean spirited and you might be better off without her.

I hope he doesn't come at her with #3 or he may get it.

Intestacy - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

LOL.

Seriously though, the other guys are giving you good advice. If you two can't communicate together and she's going to pull the things she's been, you deserve happiness and it sounds unless there's a drastic turnabout you wil be finding it elsewhere.

[saden1]

Originally Posted by Slingin Sammy 33

I hope he doesn't come at her with #3 or he may get it.

Intestacy - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

LOL.

Seriously though, the other guys are giving you good advice. If you two can't communicate together and she's going to pull the things she's been, you deserve happiness and it sounds unless there's a drastic turnabout you wil be finding it elsewhere.

LOL... I blame swype.

[jamf]

Originally Posted by saden1

The game plan is to f*ck all that being nice shit....time to be a man and say:

1. I am disgusted by the way you're acting. Things need to change and are going to change around here.
2. I'm not sleeping on the couch again, you are more than welcome to sleep at your parents.
3. I need intimacy on the regular. If I don't get it from you I am leaving your ass within a week.

From the sound of it, this chick is mean spirited and you might be better off without her.

I agree with everything except #3.
It won't be worth it if she isn't into it and you will be a jerk for forcing her.

I hate to be a dick... Is she seeing someone else? Does she just leave randomly to run errands for a few hours?

I hate to say end a marriage but you are a young guy without any kids...

[SUNRA]

Listen to me young man. I am 43 years old married to a 29 year old woman. We have sex at least 4 times a week. If your wife has all of a sudden changed after a trip, there could have been something that happened to her that she doesn't feel comfortable with telling you. The main reason the sexual relationship in marriages deminishes is because it becomes too redundant in sexual positions. If you are not willing to keep your sex life exciting by having sex in different places in the house or different positions other than missionary it might light a fire. Most importantly ask her what likes the most in bed and what she likes the least. Then make it happen more and often.

[Dirtbag59]

Actually never mind. This woman is crazy. She lashes out for, well I wouldn't say no reason, but I'm guessing it's not a good one. Make sure your finances are in order and get a good divorce attorney. Just remember when you start dating again not to complain about your ex-wife. Women tend to frown upon that, plus it's a mood killer to complain about ex's. You're lucky you don't have kids.

Anyway I feel for you Snake.

[Gmanc711]

Originally Posted by saden1

The game plan is to f*ck all that being nice shit....time to be a man and say:

1. I am disgusted by the way you're acting. Things need to change and are going to change around here.
2. I'm not sleeping on the couch again, you are more than welcome to sleep at your parents.
3. I need intimacy on the regular. If I don't get it from you I am leaving your ass within a week.

From the sound of it, this chick is mean spirited and you might be better off without her.

Seriously.... I still think that a month is still a little early to start really doing anything drastic (I know you said it was like 32 days).... but eventually somethings gotta give. As others have stated, this is going beyond sex at this point... clearly something is either going on or is wrong.

And not for nothing, but if she's going to her parents house often, would it be nuts for you to stop by when she's over there? I mean I hope she's not cheating on you, but if thats a common theme, you might want to stop in or drive by to check it out.