understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

[firstdown]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

Yeah guys i'll let everybody know how it goes...i'm getting off work in 20 mins so i will go home and try and feel her out so to speak. I may be able to post results tonight, but more than likely it will be in the morning...so check back!

Maybe thats the problem. You need to be feeling her up not feeling her out.

[TheMalcolmConnection]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

Haha i saw that statistic today on a news article....if it helped, i would honestly buy one

I have to give SmootSmack first dibs on that joke...

...that being said, I told my wife your problem on the way home a few minute ago and she said unless there is something SERIOUSLY wrong, just be open, give some space and things will come around.

Until that time, the internet will be your best friend...

[firstdown]

Maybe she has discovered that she is bi and she is trying to figure out how to ask you if her hot ass girl friend can join you two in the bed room.

[SmootSmack]

Originally Posted by TheMalcolmConnection

I have to give SmootSmack first dibs on that joke...

...that being said, I told my wife your problem on the way home a few minute ago and she said unless there is something SERIOUSLY wrong, just be open, give some space and things will come around.

Until that time, the internet will be your best friend...

That's probably the biggest thing. Those rare times that Senora Smack is less than interested I used to get all frustrated with her. Like my pride was on the line "I put a ring on your finger and now you don't want this?!" But I've since learned to be more "understanding" "Take all the time you need honey, I'm not going anywhere" I've started to learn all her non-verbal behavior too. 'Cause often times she'd be like tonight it's you and me! And I'd be all like that's what's up! Only to find out it was all talk by the time the evening rolled around.

But one thing I've learned, when guys are upset and frustrated usually the best release is to hit something or to hit something (if you know what I mean). For women, it's unfortunately not always the same.

Anyhow Snake, as has been said here you need to talk to her but not in a Mel Gibson-"you better blow!!!!! me" kind of way

[TheMalcolmConnection]

Originally Posted by SmootSmack

That's probably the biggest thing. Those rare times that Senora Smack is less than interested I used to get all frustrated with her. Like my pride was on the line "I put a ring on your finger and now you don't want this?!" But I've since learned to be more "understanding" "Take all the time you need honey, I'm not going anywhere" I've started to learn all her non-verbal behavior too. 'Cause often times she'd be like tonight it's you and me! And I'd be all like that's what's up! Only to find out it was all talk by the time the evening rolled around.

But one thing I've learned, when guys are upset and frustrated usually the best release is to hit something or to hit something (if you know what I mean). For women, it's unfortunately not always the same.

Anyhow Snake, as has been said here you need to talk to her but not in a Mel Gibson-"you better blow!!!!! me" kind of way

DUDE. I'm not hijacking this at all, but that makes me want to flip my shit. I don't mind not getting a piece, but don't get my hopes up.

[saden1]

What happened to the days of hitting a woman over the head with a club and dragging her back to the cave? I guess we've made progress since 10K B.C.

[SmootSmack]

I think I've figured it out Snake...she got a job at Walmart but doesn't know how to break it to you yet

[724Skinsfan]

6 years + 3 kids. Sex and marriage in the same sentence just seems odd to me.

[DynamiteRave]

As a 23 year old female.. There is no such thing as a dry spell. If I'm not getting it at least a couple times a week, I start getting irritated.

... I guess I'm an nympho...

[BDBohnzie]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

The problem is, since returning from our trip to Florida 32 days ago, we have had a sexless marriage, and a complete lack of other intimacy. I blame myself and have tried everything to try and bring it back. I even started lifting weights to try and change my physical build hoping it would help...Nothing has worked. I'm not ready to give up just yet, but i need help in seeing which way this thing is headed.

You've gotten some solid advice here, so I'll try to add things I haven't heard yet.

The one thing that pops out is to me is you mentioning that your sex life was rocky before the trip to Florida. How rocky was it? Are we talking you were getting some at a consistent pace and now you've gone to zilch in a matter of 5 weeks? Did something happen in Florida that was the straw that broke the camel's back? Aside from the intimacy, you said everything is happy and wonderful. Does your wife feel the same way? How do you know? Has she told you lately?

Forget what other people have told you about marriage and intimacy because it's completely different from one couple to the next. 32 days is a drop in the bucket in the grand scheme of things. It's a bad first dry spell, if it's indeed your first dry spell. I'm 31, married for over 5 years and have 2 kids. We have our dry spells, but as Schneed discussed, it's quality over quantity for us. And while don't get intimate as often as I would like, I don't mind waiting knowing that when we are intimate, we both get pleasure out of it and it's satisfying.

Honestly, it sounds like you are trying way too hard and blaming yourself when results fail. You mentioned your physique and working out. Is that taking away time you guys could be spending together? Are you working a different schedule, working different hours? Is she? Are you guys spending less time together for other reasons?

The fact that breaking up has entered your mind leads me to believe that there are other factors weighing into this that you aren't sharing with us. At 25, you have the rest of your lives to figure things out. If you are in it for the long haul, you aren't debating on whether it's time to get out, you are figuring out what steps have led to this and what can be done to fix it.

I think counseling would be a good thing at this point, and if she doesn't agree now, you go and talk to someone, whether it's a counselor, psychiatrist or a priest. It'll help you figure things out. Above all else, be honest and understanding with her. A marriage isn't over because you haven't had sex in a month.

Good luck to you and I hope things work out.

[tryfuhl]

dude.. around the same age and won't be giving up regular sex until the order of numbers are reversed

I wouldn't deal with it personally, obviously the relationship is more than the sex but physical intimacy is a huge part of expressing it

so weird that it came AFTER an event... were you guys together most of the time? anything strange happen down there? only time I've had a complete cut-off in sex was when a girl felt guilty for something

[tryfuhl]

Originally Posted by saden1

Stay or go after only 32 days? Too early for that...you need to talk to her and ask her what the issue is and frankly tell her "We are too young and kidless not to have sex. What is the problem? Is there something I need to know?" Take her out somewhere nice then ask her straight up what the mofo deal is and let her know a sexless marriage is a no-go with you.

disagree

I've done the whole do something nice for a girl so that we can talk about it thing.. all is well until the magic from the evening wears off. Save your money and acting for later... if she can't talk to you honestly without materialistic prodding then she's worthless and you need to get rid of her

[tryfuhl]

Originally Posted by TheLastDon

Tell her that if you don't get it from her you'll get it somewhere else. That should spark something in the situation one way or another.

been in this situation.. got it a couple more good times and then broke up to move on to the next girl

[tryfuhl]

anyone telling you to wait is wrong

was in a serious relationship with one girl.. 2 week spell, very uncommon.. we weren't everday but we never did the 2 week thing, told her I figured I was a rebound based on her attitude.. turned out I was right

[jamf]

Originally Posted by DynamiteRave

As a 23 year old female.. There is no such thing as a dry spell. If I'm not getting it at least a couple times a week, I start getting irritated.

... I guess I'm an nympho...

Uh I was going to send you a private message but your inbox is full.

D, Do you mind if I call you D?
My name is Rocky.
I like long walks on the beach, banana cream pie, raves and zesty attorneys.
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I'm disease free( for the last 3 months straight!!!!) and love puppies.
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