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understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

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Old 08-13-2010, 03:38 PM   #1
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Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

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I figured someone would have remembered the Vasectomy Anyone thread. I had my first appointment yesterday and my luck would have it the practicing physician was a women. They made me sit in the freezing office for a 1/2 hours then she asked to check out my package.
We've been trying hard to forget about that.
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Old 08-13-2010, 03:40 PM   #2
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Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

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We've been trying hard to forget about that.
Yet here we are talking about it again. The tilt of the Parking Lot has been disturbing lately.
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Old 08-13-2010, 03:48 PM   #3
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Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

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We've been trying hard to forget about that.
So does that mean I should not do the web cast of the procedure?
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Old 08-13-2010, 01:56 PM   #4
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Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

Firstdown and D-Rave were playing tennis yesterday, that's all
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Old 08-13-2010, 02:48 PM   #5
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Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

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Firstdown and D-Rave were playing tennis yesterday, that's all

Tennis? Sure...

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Originally Posted by DynamiteRave View Post
As a 23 year old female.. There is no such thing as a dry spell. If I'm not getting it at least a couple times a week, I start getting irritated.

... I guess I'm an nympho...
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Old 08-13-2010, 03:02 PM   #6
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Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

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Firstdown and D-Rave were playing tennis yesterday, that's all
And I'm sure he wrote it off as a business expense.

Though I'm not sure "giving her the business" counts.
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Old 08-13-2010, 03:42 PM   #7
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Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

Geez, we're scarred now...much like FD's....nevermind.
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Old 08-13-2010, 04:32 PM   #8
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Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

This thread makes me thankful for my wife... she's DynamiteRave'esque, needs it at least 4-5 times per week, and we've been together for 7 years.
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Old 08-13-2010, 04:56 PM   #9
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Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

BB can you get her to talk to my wife I thought I was doing pretty good at once or twice a week. Not sure what our age difference is but that might have something to do with it.
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Old 08-13-2010, 05:05 PM   #10
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Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

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BB can you get her to talk to my wife I thought I was doing pretty good at once or twice a week. Not sure what our age difference is but that might have something to do with it.
I'm 30, she's 26, so yeah, that probably has something to do with it... but I'm going to enjoy it for as long as it lasts.
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Old 08-14-2010, 09:44 AM   #11
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Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

Hey good morning everyone again.

Last night didn't go so well. I was watching the Skins game alone, because my wife went to visit her parents because it was her brother's 19th birthday.

When she came home, it was about quarter after nine. She sat down on the couch with me, and i began to wonder if I could try and get something going, so i cuddled with her a bit that at first she seemed receptive to. I was rubbing her shoulders, kissing her on the side of the head, etc...

She then said the couch was uncomfortable, so she got up and laid on the other one to read a book. (Not interested in the game). I knew now that things were going downhill and i realized that any chance i had of getting anything going was over. I thought it was smart to abandon the plan because i knew she was only going to get furious if i kept trying.

The game ended and I went to bed. I have to sleep on the farthest edge of the mattress because she doesn't like being touched and stuff while this drought has been going on. She got in bed angrily and called me a son of a bitch, and she said all i ever want to do when i get in bed is to sleep.

I tried to reason with her, explaining to her that i knew she was tired tonight and that by reading her book, she wanted space from me, which i respected. She just got angrier and angrier as i tried to reason with her, and i knew that soon i was going to have to look for another place to sleep. (She will take the pillows and lay down on the floor if I don't leave at night, and she knows that i will feel sorry for her and want her to sleep in the bed, which i do, so i leave).

I walked out into the living room at 11:30, sadly cracked open a 40 of Bud Ice that I had bought for this game, and started drinking it as I watched Mike Shanahan's post game conference.

I drank the 40 and fell asleep. I woke up this morning at 3:30 and couldn't get back to sleep. Going back in the bedroom isn't an option either as she locks the door when i leave, and i could only break open the door with a sledgehammer. So I played Madden, all the while wondering what today was going to be like.

She is at her parents house right now and running some errands. She said good morning to me, but i couldn't tell if she was being mean or sarcastic about it. I almost find myself waiting in fear for her next move...

I had promise yesterday i thought, because she wanted to talk about the issues, but tonight was just a step in the other direction...I will continue to pray and seek advice from people and start getting a gameplan together, because I do believe now that this is the beginning of the end.
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Old 08-14-2010, 10:50 AM   #12
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Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

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Originally Posted by SolidSnake84 View Post
Hey good morning everyone again.

Last night didn't go so well. I was watching the Skins game alone, because my wife went to visit her parents because it was her brother's 19th birthday.

When she came home, it was about quarter after nine. She sat down on the couch with me, and i began to wonder if I could try and get something going, so i cuddled with her a bit that at first she seemed receptive to. I was rubbing her shoulders, kissing her on the side of the head, etc...

She then said the couch was uncomfortable, so she got up and laid on the other one to read a book. (Not interested in the game). I knew now that things were going downhill and i realized that any chance i had of getting anything going was over. I thought it was smart to abandon the plan because i knew she was only going to get furious if i kept trying.

The game ended and I went to bed. I have to sleep on the farthest edge of the mattress because she doesn't like being touched and stuff while this drought has been going on. She got in bed angrily and called me a son of a bitch, and she said all i ever want to do when i get in bed is to sleep.

I tried to reason with her, explaining to her that i knew she was tired tonight and that by reading her book, she wanted space from me, which i respected. She just got angrier and angrier as i tried to reason with her, and i knew that soon i was going to have to look for another place to sleep. (She will take the pillows and lay down on the floor if I don't leave at night, and she knows that i will feel sorry for her and want her to sleep in the bed, which i do, so i leave).

I walked out into the living room at 11:30, sadly cracked open a 40 of Bud Ice that I had bought for this game, and started drinking it as I watched Mike Shanahan's post game conference.

I drank the 40 and fell asleep. I woke up this morning at 3:30 and couldn't get back to sleep. Going back in the bedroom isn't an option either as she locks the door when i leave, and i could only break open the door with a sledgehammer. So I played Madden, all the while wondering what today was going to be like.

She is at her parents house right now and running some errands. She said good morning to me, but i couldn't tell if she was being mean or sarcastic about it. I almost find myself waiting in fear for her next move...

I had promise yesterday i thought, because she wanted to talk about the issues, but tonight was just a step in the other direction...I will continue to pray and seek advice from people and start getting a gameplan together, because I do believe now that this is the beginning of the end.
Ok, you need to tell her very seriously that you are concerned that the marriage is ending and that you two need to have a good conversation. Then, when you are having the talk, you need to do your absolute best to stay objective and leave as much emotion out of it as possible. Talk about your feelings, but you can't get all worked up to the point of raising your voice or crying about it. Let her scream and cry all she wants, but you have to stay calm. I would honestly leave the sex stuff out of the conversation unless she brings it up. It's pretty clear your issues aren't sex related, there's something deeper going on. After that, you should at least have an idea whether it's even worth trying to save or best to cut your losses and move on. If she's unwilling to have the conversation, then it's over.
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Old 08-15-2010, 02:52 PM   #13
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Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

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Originally Posted by SolidSnake84 View Post
Hey good morning everyone again.

Last night didn't go so well. I was watching the Skins game alone, because my wife went to visit her parents because it was her brother's 19th birthday.

When she came home, it was about quarter after nine. She sat down on the couch with me, and i began to wonder if I could try and get something going, so i cuddled with her a bit that at first she seemed receptive to. I was rubbing her shoulders, kissing her on the side of the head, etc...

She then said the couch was uncomfortable, so she got up and laid on the other one to read a book. (Not interested in the game). I knew now that things were going downhill and i realized that any chance i had of getting anything going was over. I thought it was smart to abandon the plan because i knew she was only going to get furious if i kept trying.

The game ended and I went to bed. I have to sleep on the farthest edge of the mattress because she doesn't like being touched and stuff while this drought has been going on. She got in bed angrily and called me a son of a bitch, and she said all i ever want to do when i get in bed is to sleep.

I tried to reason with her, explaining to her that i knew she was tired tonight and that by reading her book, she wanted space from me, which i respected. She just got angrier and angrier as i tried to reason with her, and i knew that soon i was going to have to look for another place to sleep. (She will take the pillows and lay down on the floor if I don't leave at night, and she knows that i will feel sorry for her and want her to sleep in the bed, which i do, so i leave).

I walked out into the living room at 11:30, sadly cracked open a 40 of Bud Ice that I had bought for this game, and started drinking it as I watched Mike Shanahan's post game conference.

I drank the 40 and fell asleep. I woke up this morning at 3:30 and couldn't get back to sleep. Going back in the bedroom isn't an option either as she locks the door when i leave, and i could only break open the door with a sledgehammer. So I played Madden, all the while wondering what today was going to be like.

She is at her parents house right now and running some errands. She said good morning to me, but i couldn't tell if she was being mean or sarcastic about it. I almost find myself waiting in fear for her next move...

I had promise yesterday i thought, because she wanted to talk about the issues, but tonight was just a step in the other direction...I will continue to pray and seek advice from people and start getting a gameplan together, because I do believe now that this is the beginning of the end.
Ok after back tracking to find this.....

She's mad at you. It's obvious. What is the question. I'm just guessing maybe throwing a hail marry who knows but my guess is .... she keeps coming home in hopes that you will have dinner for her or the house cleaned and instead she comes home to a house that still looks the same as she left and no dinner. It might even be that maybe she has dinner made or is making it for you during the other months and is wondering why you don't do it for her.

I could be wrong but whatever "it" is she will continue acting like this until you figure "it" out. What I recommend..... write her a note telling how much you love her and what she does that makes you happy. Then tell her you have racked your brain and can't figure out what is wrong and that you hope she will tell you so you can correct it. I'm not saying act like a dog who's been scolded, just play the game.

You see she is playing a game with you. She is mad at you and has cut you off to get your attention. That's a typical move from the female side. If you do love her and do want to be with her then you have to learn to play the game. It's obvious that out right talking to her will piss her off cause she thinks..."you should know what the problem is." So now play the game and write a nice note and mention that your oblivious to whatever you did or didn't do that has her upset and that you would like to correct it but can't if you don't know what the problem is. I guarantee after you leave the note and leave the house for whatever reason...work, icecream, shopping... whatever she will sit down with you and explain what the problem is.

Oh and make up sex is awsome.
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Old 08-16-2010, 11:23 AM   #14
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Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

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Originally Posted by SolidSnake84 View Post
Hey good morning everyone again.

Last night didn't go so well. I was watching the Skins game alone, because my wife went to visit her parents because it was her brother's 19th birthday.

...

I will continue to pray and seek advice from people and start getting a gameplan together, because I do believe now that this is the beginning of the end.
I read this awhile ago, so sorry for jumping in late. Ignoring all the stuff that went on, your first bit seems to set a bit of a tone, and your last sentence completes it. You say you were watching the game alone, and I read it like you were blaming her for that fact, when in fact, it was a preseason game. If you want to be getting "cuddly" with your wife you should have been at her brother's b'day party. Right there you are choosing football over family, at least possibly in her eyes, and it was important enough to her that she went. You then go on a bit of a rant against her actions, but really from her eyes were your actions any less self serving, sure you did the massage and everything, but she probably was ticked off that you didn't go with her and the minute she gets home you are on her like a cat in heat.

Then you end with a doom statement, that this is the beginning of the end. Boy, if she catches that vibe from you, I am sure that would make her want you all the more. It just seems, and of course not having a real inkling of anything other than words on screens, that you are not really looking at yourself through her eyes. How different could Friday have been, if you had gone to the B'day party, made every effort to stay in good graces with her family (i also assume that there is some blocks there or else you would have gone), and then driven her home, and shared more intimacy, up to but not necessarily including sex. Instead, you watched your game, maybe sulking that you were alone - maybe not, she comes home, and you start doing your lets be intimate dance, which she probably knows and by then was already not in the mood for. Further, she probably started off thinking, well let's do this and that way he's off my back for a while, but as the massaging went on, her mind went back to the things that she was ticked about thus leading to the tirade.

Finally sorry for the poor paragraph/grammer. keep writing some then working then writing etc...
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Old 08-14-2010, 10:18 AM   #15
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Re: understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

Seems that you have some serious miscommunication going on. When you're both in a good mood and open to it, you need to have a serious talk where you both lay out your issues on the table and work through them... together. There's something bigger at play here. You need to find out what it is.
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