Om Field: Dear Coach Reid

[-Om-]

ATTN: Coach Reid
c/o Philadelpha Eagles
Oct. 3, 2008

Dear Andy,

I can’t do this publicly because, well, our fans scare me. If they saw this they’d probably melt the darn internet. Plus, we apparently just spent a lot of time and money awesoming up our website and stuff, so I don’t want to irritate the marketing guys while things are going so good.

So just between you and me … I hear they’re putting some pressure on you to win this weekend. Don’t worry about it. I don't think we have a chance.

After all, Las Vegas isn’t exactly in the business of being wrong.

And then there’s your McNabb guy and his friggin’ regenerated arm. Man’s not only hitting the barn these days, he’s knocking the damn thing over. Lordy. What’d you guys do, build him one of those hyperbaric chambers what’s-his-face used for his modeling hand in Zoolander?

Oh, and don’t even try it. I know your B. Westbrook punked my B. Westbrook. I know your B. Westbrook will play, the goddamit-he’s-not-that-fast-but-there-he-goes-again bastige.

(Sorry about the language.)

And hey, you may be 2-2, but you’re the best damn 2-2 team in football. I saw how you had Dallas beat down there too—you just fumbled it away. I hear one of my predecessor's teams' did that one year. They still aren't over it. And then, even without your B. Westbrook, I saw where you come up just shy of beating Chicago in Chicago. But for another couple inches, right?

Heh. That’s what she said.

And I guess you heard, Shawn Springs is hurt. That more or less, you know, sucks for us. With that guy healthy, our secondary—heck, the whole defense—has pretty much been cash money. Without him, well—

"Oh hey Greg. This? Nothing … just, um, my shopping list for the way home. Yeah, what're you gonna do? Okay cool. Yup. See ya then."

Man that was close. Dude scares me.

Then there’s this whole turnover thing ...

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