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Old 03-28-2023, 09:39 AM   #31
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Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread

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So this weekend we discovered that our 14 year old has been cutting her arm. We have been open with her that we will go through her phone and discovered that something was going on. She then wrote a speech and there was a subtle mention of it in the speech. We talked to her last night and learned of the myriad of pain she is in. She carved the word ugly into her arm as well as just typical cuts you associate with cutting. I don't know how much she provided and how much she was still hiding in terms of emotions and physical pain.

There is so much guilt here. Both my wife and I work in education. We are trained to see signs and completely missed them with our own daughter. Working on getting her counseling but in the mean time we are going to get her to meet with school social worker.

Seeing you kid in pain is soul crushing.
The only advise I can give you is just be there for her. As educators you and your wife are trained to see the signs in other people kids not your own. Being a parent is hard and they is no one way to do it or one right way, you just have to be there and do what you can for them. My girls are all grown now but I went through some things when they were younger and no one did the same as they others. I know this might not help but time really does heal things.
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Old 03-28-2023, 09:41 AM   #32
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Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread

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So this weekend we discovered that our 14 year old has been cutting her arm. We have been open with her that we will go through her phone and discovered that something was going on. She then wrote a speech and there was a subtle mention of it in the speech. We talked to her last night and learned of the myriad of pain she is in. She carved the word ugly into her arm as well as just typical cuts you associate with cutting. I don't know how much she provided and how much she was still hiding in terms of emotions and physical pain.

There is so much guilt here. Both my wife and I work in education. We are trained to see signs and completely missed them with our own daughter. Working on getting her counseling but in the mean time we are going to get her to meet with school social worker.

Seeing you kid in pain is soul crushing.
Dude i am so sorry.

I have a 14 almost 15 year old boy, this has been the most difficult year of parenting. It's such a tight walk act of when to pressure them when to back off when to give them privacy when to intervene.

Their mood swings and yearn to be independent are further challenges.

Don't beat yourself up, you will always view your daughter as your child through the glasses of her parent; you see other children through your professional glasses; its two different worlds. Their is zero negligence on you or your wife's part, plus you have now identified and working to a solution that is great work.

Their are times where i just start to cry and think am I even doing this correctly. My son at least from my perspective is doing fine, there are ups and downs but i still feel lost at times as a parent.

This morning i felt guilty because he came downstairs to talk to me last night and i was playing CoD with my buddies and i couldn't have just got off, so he walked off. =( I should have just turned the game off but i want balance some fun time for me as well.

As parents of teenagers we are coming out of the years where i controlled basically everything and we were his sole voice of "authority". It's a hard transition.

I will say this my niece was cutting herself my sister and BIL identified it got her the help she needed and she is doing amazing.

Your family will make this hurdle and come out stronger, hold strong fellow teenage parent, I gotcah you.
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Old 03-28-2023, 09:52 AM   #33
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Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread

Sorry to hear man. I wish I had some amazing advice, etc., but I don't.

Just love on her as hard as you can, and hopefully all 3 of you can work together to address any issues she is having as healthily as possible.

I love you buddy.
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Old 03-28-2023, 10:45 AM   #34
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Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread

Sorry to hear about this B-more. Professional counseling/therapy is where you should look for help. You are doing everything you can obviously.
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Old 03-29-2023, 05:54 PM   #35
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Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread

It is ironic mred I can go into a classroom and tell you which kids are homeless, using drugs, abused at home etc, etc but missed it here.

Finding counseling is tough. I don't know how people how direly need support go about getting it quickly.

Without knowing if what I am being told is 100% accurate she is receptive to therapy which is a great sign. But it does suck. I would rather go 10 rounds with Mike Tyson after someone told him I'm in the KKK than to feel what I feel right now. I can't imagine how bad it feels for her if I feel this way.
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Old 03-29-2023, 09:43 PM   #36
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Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread

B-more I'm sorry to hear about what your daughter is going through. I imagine you and your wife must've been blindsided to hear that as well. You've already gotten past the first step though which is identifying the behavior. Now you can move on to remedying it - glad to hear your daughter is receptive to therapy as there aren't many avenues to remedy such an issue. Hoping for the best for you and your fam.
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Old 04-06-2023, 03:52 PM   #37
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Mental Health Awareness Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by BaltimoreSkins View Post
So this weekend we discovered that our 14 year old has been cutting her arm. We have been open with her that we will go through her phone and discovered that something was going on. She then wrote a speech and there was a subtle mention of it in the speech. We talked to her last night and learned of the myriad of pain she is in. She carved the word ugly into her arm as well as just typical cuts you associate with cutting. I don't know how much she provided and how much she was still hiding in terms of emotions and physical pain.

There is so much guilt here. Both my wife and I work in education. We are trained to see signs and completely missed them with our own daughter. Working on getting her counseling but in the mean time we are going to get her to meet with school social worker.

Seeing you kid in pain is soul crushing.

Im so sorry brother. Started this thread because of very similar circumstances. Thank God that you did discover it and do not feel guilty. My daughter was roughly the same age, my wife is a teacher. We both had no idea. She had an eating disorder and was cutting, super depressed- crazy anxiety- it started before the pandemic but for basically a year my daughter was right under our noses and we just didnít see it. The absolute best thing is that you know and she knows that you do. As I look back the absolute most heart breaking thing was that she was crying out for help and probably felt so alone. It is such a battle to get the correct help/counselor/ meds if necessary, etc, but knowing really is half the battle. It has been a battle for us for roughly three years now but my daughter did learn how to cope (not without bumps in the road) and there is no more cutting or eating disorder thanks to counseling and just maturing and learning to cope with our help. I know yours will too. You seem like a super caring, and intelligent person and that is invaluable to your daughter. Keep us posted. Sorry again man. Just keep telling that little girl how wonderful she is. Between your support, and some counseling, and growing she will emerge better than before.

Edit: finding a counselor and mental health facility is a real bitch. Especially since the pandemic- just extremely backed up. I remember going online and searching for doctors and counselors and feeling so fucking helpless. I initially had to move outside my network and got a private counselor- was able to recoup 80% of the cost through insurance. Not that money was more important but im not a rich man and still obviously had bills to pay and food to put on the table. I would start with your insurance company (if you havenít already) and find therapists in network. If you wind up on a waiting list google search therapist that specialize in self harm and depression for kids - my daughter would only talk to a woman. They did virtuals for months and the lady really pulled my daughter out of a dark place. Eventually she got into the local mental health program and that also did wonders.
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Old 05-23-2023, 09:00 PM   #38
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Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread

BMore hope everything is working out for your daughter and you and your wife.
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Old 05-24-2023, 09:02 AM   #39
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Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread

You know working through the layers. Two steps forward one step back but she seems in a better place for now.
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Old 05-24-2023, 09:09 AM   #40
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Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread

Good to hear. Progress is progress. Definitely a long road back.
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Old 11-06-2023, 03:36 PM   #41
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Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread

B- more. Just checking in. It is such a long road, took my daughter years but she is seemingly on a good path. Anxiety still an issue but hardly ever results in an attack. She has definitely learned to cope in a healthy way as opposed to the eating disorder/ self harm route.

Anyway just checking in. Hopefully still moving forward even if slowly.
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Old 11-07-2023, 09:33 AM   #42
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Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread

I think she is in a good place. I am not always certain how honest she is being in regards to how she is feeling so there are still some trust issues. I am not sure if I will ever feel 100% confident that she will never go down that route as she gets older.
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Old 11-07-2023, 11:32 AM   #43
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Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread

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I think she is in a good place. I am not always certain how honest she is being in regards to how she is feeling so there are still some trust issues. I am not sure if I will ever feel 100% confident that she will never go down that route as she gets older.

Man. I feel this sentiment to my core. I still wonder myself if she is putting on an act or actually in a better place. Being a parent is not easyÖ
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Old 11-09-2023, 08:51 AM   #44
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Re: Mental Health Awareness Thread

It is not for the faint of heart for sure.
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