F...people who tell you how to parent

I think thats a tough one. I dont know what i would do, but at the same time i wouldn't know the situation. I do know enough to know that "time outs" or a "talking to" has a 0% effect on children today. There has to be a safe, happy balance.

I would get my ass kicked as a kid...not abuse at all, but when i screwed up, i got what was coming to me. And that's why i'm still behaved and respectful today....never been in trouble with the law, etc....i think good discipline gets overlooked in today's world...


Not true! I use both of those on my son and they work with great effect. Even at two he feels shame and a sense of doing wrong. To me hitting a child is the easy way to discipline.

I was never once hit by my parents and I like to think I turned out pretty damn good.

I also think if you do want to hit your child, in reason, that is your choice to raise your child. I personally don't think it is effective.

Here's a question: What do you do if you see a person disciplining a small child (say less than 4) in a grocery store by using excessive force - slapping, hitting or otherwise violent behavior?

Do you say something? Ignore it?

Depends how bad it is. I don't like to spank my daughter (she's 3) but I have and will again I'm sure. Never in public, mind you, that takes some balls.

If I see a parent using an open hand to slap with the goal being to sting the child's skin, then I'm fine with that, that's just a parent disciplining and using the proper restraint to ensure the child doesn't get injured. The second I see a closed fist I'd have to say something or place a call to the police.

Also, one or two slaps is all a kid needs to get the message across. I'd get concerned if a parent was repeatedly slapping, even with an open hand. That's a sign the parent is doing it out of frustration.

And the parents' demeanor matters too. If they're cool and collected while delivering the spank, then I'm comfortable that it's under control. If they look like they're starting to enter a fit of rage or frustration, then that's bad news.

Sorry Matt,

i should clarify. Our father had a stern hand...maybe by today's rules, it would be classified as abuse. BUT, i can tell you, that is what kept me out of trouble, and i thank my dad for that.

I do not believe in the "hands off" parenting approach that so many people take these days. I think a spanking, or even worse, a whipping, may be deserved for some things...

I hope i didnt mislead anybody


WTF???? Are you raising horses? I would not even whip a horse.

I think when you spank or whip a child you are releasing your angry for the situation more then you are actually disciplining the child.

How can using violence to disicpline a child be teaching them a good lesson.

"If someone does wrong they should be hit." - child's mind

I'd like to know where you got this information.

Well i'll be happy to tell you. There is a family who lives in our culdesac, two houses over.

They have 2 kids....a 9 year old, and a 5 year old. Just 2 months ago, the 9 year old went to school and told his classmate that he was going to shoot him with an AK 47. No lie. My wife knows the mother. She goes on and on about how when she was growing up, they would get in big trouble for that stuff.

But she laments further that her husband has recently "found god", and now is real hesitant to put a hand on him, because the preacher told him all this stuff and bla bla bla. (I'm thinking spare the rod, spoil the child).

Anyhow, they put him in "time out", where he still gets his XBOX, TV, etc etc...he's a problem in school and the neighborhood kids don't play with him because of how they are, so we hear all this stuff from neighbors.

Anyway, it sounds to me like time out isn't working. So if you're telling me a "hands-off" parenting approach works, i'll call you a liar.

WTF???? Are you raising horses? I would not even whip a horse.

I think when you spank or whip a child you are releasing your angry for the situation more then you are actually disciplining the child.

How can using violence to disicpline a child be teaching them a good lesson.

"If someone does wrong they should be hit." - child's mind

Dont take what i said literally...i just mean a spanking in general. When i was little, my mother would whip me with a wooden spoon...a couple good whacks...

I think it should be saved as a last resort....after "talking" and time outs dont work anymore....i think its a "to each their own" situation with parenting. I've noticed that most parents tell me that they raise their children how they were raised (keep in mind these are normal people...not drunks or child abusers)

In reality, the manner of discipline (time outs vs spanks) is not going to have a huge influence on a child's development. Socioeconomic status, parental guidance and support, genetics, and the peer influences are much bigger factors. As long as the child isn't handled at either end of the discipline spectrum (beaten abusively or allowed to do whatever sans consequences), they'll pretty much turn out the way their situation dictates.

It's much more important as a parent to ensure they're hanging around the right kids than it is to fuss over whether to spank or whether to give timeouts.

Well i'll be happy to tell you. There is a family who lives in our culdesac, two houses over.

They have 2 kids....a 9 year old, and a 5 year old. Just 2 months ago, the 9 year old went to school and told his classmate that he was going to shoot him with an AK 47. No lie. My wife knows the mother. She goes on and on about how when she was growing up, they would get in big trouble for that stuff.

But she laments further that her husband has recently "found god", and now is real hesitant to put a hand on him, because the preacher told him all this stuff and bla bla bla. (I'm thinking spare the rod, spoil the child).

Anyhow, they put him in "time out", where he still gets his XBOX, TV, etc etc...he's a problem in school and the neighborhood kids don't play with him because of how they are, so we hear all this stuff from neighbors.

Anyway, it sounds to me like time out isn't working. So if you're telling me a "hands-off" parenting approach works, i'll call you a liar.

Sounds like they are not doing it effectively. Again how does hitting a child that seems to have a presidency towards violence (wanting to bring a AK 47 to school) going to solve the problem.

I would say they need to start using effective time outs/ discipline, limit the amount and quality of TV and Xbox usage (learning the gun stuff somewhere) and seek some professional help becasue they have really gone down the wrong road with this child.

Not to be rude SolidSnake but if you don't currently have children most of us with children are not going to hold a lot of weight to your opinions. Basically yon need to join the club before you get an opinion, at least in my book.

Well i'll be happy to tell you. There is a family who lives in our culdesac, two houses over.

They have 2 kids....a 9 year old, and a 5 year old. Just 2 months ago, the 9 year old went to school and told his classmate that he was going to shoot him with an AK 47. No lie. My wife knows the mother. She goes on and on about how when she was growing up, they would get in big trouble for that stuff.

But she laments further that her husband has recently "found god", and now is real hesitant to put a hand on him, because the preacher told him all this stuff and bla bla bla. (I'm thinking spare the rod, spoil the child).

Anyhow, they put him in "time out", where he still gets his XBOX, TV, etc etc...he's a problem in school and the neighborhood kids don't play with him because of how they are, so we hear all this stuff from neighbors.

Anyway, it sounds to me like time out isn't working. So if you're telling me a "hands-off" parenting approach works, i'll call you a liar.

Sounds like bad parenting 101 and not just a discipline problem.

In reality, the manner of discipline (time outs vs spanks) is not going to have a huge influence on a child's development. Socioeconomic status, parental guidance and support, genetics, and the peer influences are much bigger factors. As long as the child isn't handled at either end of the discipline spectrum (beaten abusively or allowed to do whatever sans consequences), they'll pretty much turn out the way their situation dictates.

It's much more important as a parent to ensure they're hanging around the right kids than it is to fuss over whether to spank or whether to give timeouts.


That is a good post, I agree.

WTF???? Are you raising horses? I would not even whip a horse.

I think when you spank or whip a child you are releasing your angry for the situation more then you are actually disciplining the child.

How can using violence to disicpline a child be teaching them a good lesson.

"If someone does wrong they should be hit." - child's mind

There is a huge difference between discipline and teaching consequences...and abusive hitting. Kids ARE smart enough to understand punishments and "I need to listen so I don't face the consequences" vs. "they just hit me for no reason or for everything so I might as well be bad because I'll be hit anyways". Children do understand more than we give them credit for.