F...people who tell you how to parent

Question: a co-worker of mine saw a man driving, and in the back seat was a child, clearly young according to her, and the child was moving about. She called either the police or DSS, I don't remember which, and gave them the car info and license plate.

I was shocked that she would do that and told her so. She couldn't believe I thought she was in the wrong.

Note: she doesn't have kids.

IMO people are WAY too nosy, and sadly the internet feeds that.
In Manassas coming out of a shopping center that I worked at there was a left hand turn lane, one to turn right, and one with 2 signs that said it was for the 66 exit only. All of the freaking time people would not pay attention, treat the 2 right lanes as equals to get onto the road (234) and nearly sideswipe somebody, if not actually doing such, because they didn't stay in the 66 exit lane.

One night I figured that I'd had enough, a pickup came rolling through the light as I was turning onto the road, I was driving my beater car at the time (92 lesabre) and figured might as well get an insurance write-off on it. The pickup was going very fast you could see the body roll on it coming out of the turn. For some reason at the very last second I slammed on my breaks, instinct I guess. The truck not only went into MY lane, but the next one over in one swoop.. and then to the left turn lane after that, but not before, after having JUST cut across me, a kid no older than 3 pops her head up and looks out of the back window.

There is NO excuse to not strap a child in and I'll report every damn one of them myself.

Here's a question: What do you do if you see a person disciplining a small child (say less than 4) in a grocery store by using excessive force - slapping, hitting or otherwise violent behavior?

Do you say something? Ignore it?

some 4 year old and youngers can use a firm pat to the butt, depends on what you define as excessive I guess. I'll for certain stare you down and not move until you're finished if it's over the top, it's likely that person's fault their kid is such a brat and they can't figure out how to deal with it anyways.

So based on what i've said, you just automatically assume that we dont have children. Nice.

The only thing that is obvious is that there are only a few people on here, that are willing to give a spanking a try if no other method works. The rest of you are trying the hands off approach and/or hoping for divine intervention. Nothing but respect to people who are making that work.

I'd love to see some of you when the going gets rough. How about this...instead of criticising my opinions that "dont have weight"...how about we post as parents what worked for us...The thread title could be changed too, but that's not my call.

Do you have kids? And I was basing my opinion on your time on this site as a whole. I was not attacking you, just simply saying I hold the weight of a parent over a non-parent on this subject. Also I don't know by guessing whether or not you are a parent is offensive, you might be a little over sensitive.

This is my opinion on the subject. I personally do not hit my child, I also believe I don't have the right to tell you what to do with your child. So if you feel like spanking is the best method go for it, it just doesn't fly in my household.

You're opening a whole different can of worms here. Discipline doesn't have to mean a beating or ass kicking. If you got your "ass kicked", sounds like abuse to me.
Agreed. My mother was abusive physically and emotionally and my stepfather was a bit cold, very old school to a fault. My grandfather who was my first father figure was very firm but very fair, if he said something there was no other choice but to listen and it was more of a respect thing than a fear. I can't recall a time that he ever physically punished me but I wouldn't have put it past him, but he never would've been cruel with it.

If physical discipline is the norm then you have somehow failed to teach your children to act correctly. Sometimes kids will be kids; it's the "thought out" physical discipline that isn't much of a problem, the reactionary physical discipline is the problem because you're showing that you have no better way to deal with the situation which is quite barbaric in my opinion.

I see a lot of baby boomers say things like "I got my ass beat and it worked" but I've also seen data on prescribed mood stabilizing drugs on that generation as well (they're over-prescribed but to each other age group as well).

The scary thing that I've witnessed lately is young parents not putting aside time for their children, just giving them another video, show, toy, etc to play with. I lived with a "friend" for a bit, his wife and kid. The kid wasn't allowed on the couch, was frequently denied hugs and attention (once they finished dinner they went to watch TV.. if he wasn't finished he had to stay downstairs alone, so naturally he rarely ate much.. if he got hungry later on they told him too bad), was told to either go into his playroom or go to bed from the minute he got home, was told to stop talking if he tried to talk to his mom, etc. If I played with him I'd get fussed at and so would he, because they could hear the kid. That absolutely destroyed me to see and the remainder of the time I lived there I pretty much shuttered myself into my bedroom and it really strained our friendship. Parents who don't want to raise and nurture their children shouldn't have them.

Depends how bad it is. I don't like to spank my daughter (she's 3) but I have and will again I'm sure. Never in public, mind you, that takes some balls.

If I see a parent using an open hand to slap with the goal being to sting the child's skin, then I'm fine with that, that's just a parent disciplining and using the proper restraint to ensure the child doesn't get injured. The second I see a closed fist I'd have to say something or place a call to the police.

Also, one or two slaps is all a kid needs to get the message across. I'd get concerned if a parent was repeatedly slapping, even with an open hand. That's a sign the parent is doing it out of frustration.

And the parents' demeanor matters too. If they're cool and collected while delivering the spank, then I'm comfortable that it's under control. If they look like they're starting to enter a fit of rage or frustration, then that's bad news.
Working in some of the more "urban" liquor stores while doing mgmt with the state of va you have no clue how many times I'd hear parents tell a young child "I'm going to beat your ass" and things like that. How do you say that in public? Disgusting.

Well i'll be happy to tell you. There is a family who lives in our culdesac, two houses over.

They have 2 kids....a 9 year old, and a 5 year old. Just 2 months ago, the 9 year old went to school and told his classmate that he was going to shoot him with an AK 47. No lie. My wife knows the mother. She goes on and on about how when she was growing up, they would get in big trouble for that stuff.

But she laments further that her husband has recently "found god", and now is real hesitant to put a hand on him, because the preacher told him all this stuff and bla bla bla. (I'm thinking spare the rod, spoil the child).

Anyhow, they put him in "time out", where he still gets his XBOX, TV, etc etc...he's a problem in school and the neighborhood kids don't play with him because of how they are, so we hear all this stuff from neighbors.

Anyway, it sounds to me like time out isn't working. So if you're telling me a "hands-off" parenting approach works, i'll call you a liar.
sounds like parenting is the issue, not the lack of spanking

I didnt take offense to what MRREDSKINS said to me, i didnt want anybody to get that impression from me.

And for the above, i think it's a combination of both for the family that lives on our road. It seems that they had some sort of discipline for the child at some point, but when the parents got religion, it seemed they backed way off. So yes, I think its parenting that is primarily to blame.

We have resolution. Most are trying the time out thing, and resorting to spanking only as a last resort. You go out to town and it's just too clear that there is no discipline whatsoever. And as far as most of the kids have gotten, you know that verbal discipline isn't going to work anymore. A true no win situation.

you don't believe me? just take a good look at the grocery store or walmart sometime...the only reason kids act up like that is because they know they can get away with it, and most of the time, they do it deliberatley.

I agree with the other posters who said their dads or moms gave them plenty of warning before resorting to a spanking...thats how it was for me as well...

Sooooo, for those people who let their child scream and go apeshit in a public place to the dismay of everyone around shouldn't be told what to do about their kids?

I just ask because my coworker and I have that discussion often and his rebuttal is always: "Well, you don't have kids."

It's true, I don't have kids but I have ears and if your kids are affecting my environment, then you need to remove them and I won't hesitate to tell you to do so. He tells me that if I had any idea what it's like to have a screaming child on my hands then I would change my tune. I DEFINITELY disagree. If you have a screaming baby or child in a restaurant, you need to remove it from the situation until the screaming has stopped.

So based on what i've said, you just automatically assume that we dont have children. Nice.

The only thing that is obvious is that there are only a few people on here, that are willing to give a spanking a try if no other method works. The rest of you are trying the hands off approach and/or hoping for divine intervention. Nothing but respect to people who are making that work.

I'd love to see some of you when the going gets rough. How about this...instead of criticising my opinions that "dont have weight"...how about we post as parents what worked for us...The thread title could be changed too, but that's not my call.

Even when the going has gotten rough, I have never had to strike my children for disciplinary purposes. Not saying there f'ing angels - there typical energetic kids. Early on, however, we had "Time Out Training". If they did not obey the command to "Go to the Step", I would physically put them on the step and hold the kids on the step so they understood they could not leave. I did so gently but firmly making sure not to injure and, instead, letting them flail as much as they wanted to no avail - their butts stayed firmly planted on the step. I had to do that a couple of times with each kid. After that, time out has been consistently applied and the rules followed or they just get to stay there.

(Once, I sent my boy to the step - he was about 4. I told him "4 minutes", he protested, I replied "5 minutes", one extra minute each time he uttered a sound of protest, he finally shut up about 20 seconds later when I was up to 15 - Again, works like a charm).

I don't care too much how you choose to raise your kids - really. Just don't assume that violence is the only way. It's not.

Sooooo, for those people who let their child scream and go apeshit in a public place to the dismay of everyone around shouldn't be told what to do about their kids?

I just ask because my coworker and I have that discussion often and his rebuttal is always: "Well, you don't have kids."

It's true, I don't have kids but I have ears and if your kids are affecting my environment, then you need to remove them and I won't hesitate to tell you to do so. He tells me that if I had any idea what it's like to have a screaming child on my hands then I would change my tune. I DEFINITELY disagree. If you have a screaming baby or child in a restaurant, you need to remove it from the situation until the screaming has stopped.

Generally, I agreee with this statement. I would say, however, I am not going to wisk my kid away at the first scream. We will attempt to calm him/her down and, if it is clearly not working, we will take the child out.