advice needed...

[firstdown]

I just wanted to throw this out. Right now your the fun guy who comes and does stuff with them but soon you will be the guy who has to raise and now disciplin them. Thats when thing start to get a little crazy. You will hear at some point one of them say I want to go live with dad or your not my dad. The roles will now be reversed and he will be the guy who comes and plays with them and then brings them back. Your the one who has to now get them to bed and such.

[jsarno]

Originally Posted by SmootSmack

If you don't mind my asking, how much of the appeal of being with Julia (again) is that it gives you the chance to be a dad (as it were), something that unfortunately wasn't happening with your ex-wife? Do you feel that's something you'd been missing and now you're getting that opportunity?

If you don't mind, I'd rather PM you that, if that is OK.

[jsarno]

Originally Posted by CRedskinsRule

i wish for you happiness, but the way you describe the scenario, is like me describing the FO's latest and greatest move even when the rest of the Warpathers are telling me its a mistake. I hear no recognition in your tone that you get the fact that just cuz the kids think you are cool, does not translate to them loving their dad any less.

I sincerely hope they won't love him less. I'm not trying to take his place, but hope to be a valuable addition.

I doubt I will respond any more Jsarno, I HOPE you have a happy life, and I am sure your intentions are good. Please tread carefully kind sir.

Thank you.

[jsarno]

Originally Posted by firstdown

I just wanted to throw this out. Right now your the fun guy who comes and does stuff with them but soon you will be the guy who has to raise and now disciplin them. Thats when thing start to get a little crazy. You will hear at some point one of them say I want to go live with dad or your not my dad. The roles will now be reversed and he will be the guy who comes and plays with them and then brings them back. Your the one who has to now get them to bed and such.

Very valid points. Im sure that will happen some day, and I'm obviously not looking forward to it.

[FRPLG]

Originally Posted by jsarno

He just today said he will let her go, but under conditions...he wants to move back to his home town (across the country), and he wants 50/50 custody. I find this to be a tad bit of blackmail.

Well then he is a dirtball if he is using the kids for leverage. If he was a grown up he'd face facts ask for 50/50 and stay near them. Moving across the country away from your kids expecting them to uproot themselves 50% of the time is baffling. It is selfish crap.

[Schneed10]

A few things:

1) If he's been abusive to Julia, as you say, why doesn't Julia stick it to him and go for 100% custody? If he's been abusive she has the legal grounds to do so. And it would seem to be in the best interests of the children. I have no idea why she feels the need to negotiate anything on that point.

2) The kids are 4 and 2 - or whatever young ages you said. Of course they adore you. The question is how will they see you when they're 8, or 11, or 14?

3) It's still highly coincidental that she called you up just weeks after having it out with her husband. In my opinion she's clearly using you.

4) Do you have a friggin job yet? If not, I mean you're not even a parent yet and are already becoming one of the most irresponsible parents I've ever heard of.

5) I'm very glad that the biggest problem I face tonight is how much to bid on that baseball/softball mitt on ebay. Sometimes you need a thread like this to make you feel better about your own life!

[mredskins]

Originally Posted by Schneed10

A few things:

1) If he's been abusive to Julia, as you say, why doesn't Julia stick it to him and go for 100% custody? If he's been abusive she has the legal grounds to do so. And it would seem to be in the best interests of the children. I have no idea why she feels the need to negotiate anything on that point.

2) The kids are 4 and 2 - or whatever young ages you said. Of course they adore you. The question is how will they see you when they're 8, or 11, or 14?

3) It's still highly coincidental that she called you up just weeks after having it out with her husband. In my opinion she's clearly using you.

4) Do you have a friggin job yet? If not, I mean you're not even a parent yet and are already becoming one of the most irresponsible parents I've ever heard of.

5) I'm very glad that the biggest problem I face tonight is how much to bid on that baseball/softball mitt on ebay. Sometimes you need a thread like this to make you feel better about your own life!

AMEN!

[jsarno]

Just an FYI (don't know if I have mentioned this yet), the last time Julia and I were together, the Skins won the SB...since I was with my ex, well, you know the drought!
I smell another SB ring coming!

[hooskins]

So what is the situation like now?

[Monkeydad]

Originally Posted by jsarno

Just an FYI (don't know if I have mentioned this yet), the last time Julia and I were together, the Skins won the SB...since I was with my ex, well, you know the drought!
I smell another SB ring coming!

That changes my mind on everything. Get this deal done.


Seriously, good luck, man. I don't agree with everything going on but as you said, it's a unique situation and only you and Julia will know for sure if you're doing the right thing. I commend you for thinking of the children first. They ARE the most important part in this ordeal.

[Hog1]

Originally Posted by Buster

That changes my mind on everything. Get this deal done.


Seriously, good luck, man. I don't agree with everything going on but as you said, it's a unique situation and only you and Julia will know for sure if you're doing the right thing. I commend you for thinking of the children first. They ARE the most important part in this ordeal.

DITTO!
MAKE IT HAPPEN J!!! Countin' on you!!!!

[love them hogs]

Your situation is almost a mirror image of my life six years ago.With the exception that I wasn't married.I met my soul mate and lost her for many years until one day out of the blue she sent me an e-mail.She was married and had a two year old son.I had always loved her and wanted to be with her but had to give it up because it was just not ,and still isn't ,in my personality to cheat or mess with another mans wife.This man however was abusive so I just said f-it and called her to see what was up.

Anyways, long story short here I am six years later and we are still together and I am happier than any point in my life.We have since had a daughter together and I love our children equally.I dare anybody to say that he is not my son.I am his father in every way except biologically.

Basically I'm saying if you Know and I mean you Know that the two of you are Soulmates let nothing get between that.Especially not something as shallow as money.


Hope this helps.

[jsarno]

Originally Posted by hooskins

So what is the situation like now?

Well, I know the situation is still early, but its going great. Taking the kiddos to Chuck E Cheese today. We are extremely happy together, and the kids call me papi. I love that. Julia is amazed at how well they have taken to me. It's likely the attention I give them, and how happy both of us are, and they notice the difference. We both clearly made the right choice, even though we are still not out of the woods yet.
It's amazing how life brightens up when you are loved and give love.

[jsarno]

Originally Posted by Buster

That changes my mind on everything. Get this deal done.


Seriously, good luck, man. I don't agree with everything going on but as you said, it's a unique situation and only you and Julia will know for sure if you're doing the right thing. I commend you for thinking of the children first. They ARE the most important part in this ordeal.

I agree man...I have been sure to take care of them first...it's really quite easy, they are great kids.

[jsarno]

Originally Posted by love them hogs

Your situation is almost a mirror image of my life six years ago.With the exception that I wasn't married.I met my soul mate and lost her for many years until one day out of the blue she sent me an e-mail.She was married and had a two year old son.I had always loved her and wanted to be with her but had to give it up because it was just not ,and still isn't ,in my personality to cheat or mess with another mans wife.This man however was abusive so I just said f-it and called her to see what was up.

Anyways, long story short here I am six years later and we are still together and I am happier than any point in my life.We have since had a daughter together and I love our children equally.I dare anybody to say that he is not my son.I am his father in every way except biologically.

Basically I'm saying if you Know and I mean you Know that the two of you are Soulmates let nothing get between that.Especially not something as shallow as money.


Hope this helps.

That is GREAT to know. It's good to hear I am not the only one that went through this. In particular I am interested to hear how well adjusted (or not) the kids are? (well in your case, your son)