F...people who tell you how to parent

[JoeRedskin]

Here's a question: What do you do if you see a person disciplining a small child (say less than 4) in a grocery store by using excessive force - slapping, hitting or otherwise violent behavior?

Do you say something? Ignore it?

[SolidSnake84]

Originally Posted by JoeRedskin

Here's a question: What do you do if you see a person disciplining a small child (say less than 4) in a grocery store by using excessive force - slapping, hitting or otherwise violent behavior?

Do you say something? Ignore it?

I think thats a tough one. I dont know what i would do, but at the same time i wouldn't know the situation. I do know enough to know that "time outs" or a "talking to" has a 0% effect on children today. There has to be a safe, happy balance.

I would get my ass kicked as a kid...not abuse at all, but when i screwed up, i got what was coming to me. And that's why i'm still behaved and respectful today....never been in trouble with the law, etc....i think good discipline gets overlooked in today's world...

[MTK]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

I think thats a tough one. I dont know what i would do, but at the same time i wouldn't know the situation. I do know enough to know that "time outs" or a "talking to" has a 0% effect on children today. There has to be a safe, happy balance.

I would get my ass kicked as a kid...not abuse at all, but when i screwed up, i got what was coming to me. And that's why i'm still behaved and respectful today....never been in trouble with the law, etc....i think good discipline gets overlooked in today's world...

You're opening a whole different can of worms here. Discipline doesn't have to mean a beating or ass kicking. If you got your "ass kicked", sounds like abuse to me.

[tryfuhl]

Originally Posted by Mattyk

You're opening a whole different can of worms here. Discipline doesn't have to mean a beating or ass kicking. If you got your "ass kicked", sounds like abuse to me.

Agreed. My mother was abusive physically and emotionally and my stepfather was a bit cold, very old school to a fault. My grandfather who was my first father figure was very firm but very fair, if he said something there was no other choice but to listen and it was more of a respect thing than a fear. I can't recall a time that he ever physically punished me but I wouldn't have put it past him, but he never would've been cruel with it.

If physical discipline is the norm then you have somehow failed to teach your children to act correctly. Sometimes kids will be kids; it's the "thought out" physical discipline that isn't much of a problem, the reactionary physical discipline is the problem because you're showing that you have no better way to deal with the situation which is quite barbaric in my opinion.

I see a lot of baby boomers say things like "I got my ass beat and it worked" but I've also seen data on prescribed mood stabilizing drugs on that generation as well (they're over-prescribed but to each other age group as well).

The scary thing that I've witnessed lately is young parents not putting aside time for their children, just giving them another video, show, toy, etc to play with. I lived with a "friend" for a bit, his wife and kid. The kid wasn't allowed on the couch, was frequently denied hugs and attention (once they finished dinner they went to watch TV.. if he wasn't finished he had to stay downstairs alone, so naturally he rarely ate much.. if he got hungry later on they told him too bad), was told to either go into his playroom or go to bed from the minute he got home, was told to stop talking if he tried to talk to his mom, etc. If I played with him I'd get fussed at and so would he, because they could hear the kid. That absolutely destroyed me to see and the remainder of the time I lived there I pretty much shuttered myself into my bedroom and it really strained our friendship. Parents who don't want to raise and nurture their children shouldn't have them.

[724Skinsfan]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

I think thats a tough one. I dont know what i would do, but at the same time i wouldn't know the situation. I do know enough to know that "time outs" or a "talking to" has a 0% effect on children today. There has to be a safe, happy balance.

I would get my ass kicked as a kid...not abuse at all, but when i screwed up, i got what was coming to me. And that's why i'm still behaved and respectful today....never been in trouble with the law, etc....i think good discipline gets overlooked in today's world...

I'd like to know where you got this information.

[SolidSnake84]

Originally Posted by 724Skinsfan

I'd like to know where you got this information.

Well i'll be happy to tell you. There is a family who lives in our culdesac, two houses over.

They have 2 kids....a 9 year old, and a 5 year old. Just 2 months ago, the 9 year old went to school and told his classmate that he was going to shoot him with an AK 47. No lie. My wife knows the mother. She goes on and on about how when she was growing up, they would get in big trouble for that stuff.

But she laments further that her husband has recently "found god", and now is real hesitant to put a hand on him, because the preacher told him all this stuff and bla bla bla. (I'm thinking spare the rod, spoil the child).

Anyhow, they put him in "time out", where he still gets his XBOX, TV, etc etc...he's a problem in school and the neighborhood kids don't play with him because of how they are, so we hear all this stuff from neighbors.

Anyway, it sounds to me like time out isn't working. So if you're telling me a "hands-off" parenting approach works, i'll call you a liar.

[mredskins]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

Well i'll be happy to tell you. There is a family who lives in our culdesac, two houses over.

They have 2 kids....a 9 year old, and a 5 year old. Just 2 months ago, the 9 year old went to school and told his classmate that he was going to shoot him with an AK 47. No lie. My wife knows the mother. She goes on and on about how when she was growing up, they would get in big trouble for that stuff.

But she laments further that her husband has recently "found god", and now is real hesitant to put a hand on him, because the preacher told him all this stuff and bla bla bla. (I'm thinking spare the rod, spoil the child).

Anyhow, they put him in "time out", where he still gets his XBOX, TV, etc etc...he's a problem in school and the neighborhood kids don't play with him because of how they are, so we hear all this stuff from neighbors.

Anyway, it sounds to me like time out isn't working. So if you're telling me a "hands-off" parenting approach works, i'll call you a liar.

Sounds like they are not doing it effectively. Again how does hitting a child that seems to have a presidency towards violence (wanting to bring a AK 47 to school) going to solve the problem.

I would say they need to start using effective time outs/ discipline, limit the amount and quality of TV and Xbox usage (learning the gun stuff somewhere) and seek some professional help becasue they have really gone down the wrong road with this child.

Not to be rude SolidSnake but if you don't currently have children most of us with children are not going to hold a lot of weight to your opinions. Basically yon need to join the club before you get an opinion, at least in my book.

[SolidSnake84]

Originally Posted by mredskins

Not to be rude SolidSnake but if you don't currently have children most of us with children are not going to hold a lot of weight to your opinions. Basically yon need to join the club before you get an opinion, at least in my book.

So based on what i've said, you just automatically assume that we dont have children. Nice.

The only thing that is obvious is that there are only a few people on here, that are willing to give a spanking a try if no other method works. The rest of you are trying the hands off approach and/or hoping for divine intervention. Nothing but respect to people who are making that work.

I'd love to see some of you when the going gets rough. How about this...instead of criticising my opinions that "dont have weight"...how about we post as parents what worked for us...The thread title could be changed too, but that's not my call.

[mredskins]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

So based on what i've said, you just automatically assume that we dont have children. Nice.

The only thing that is obvious is that there are only a few people on here, that are willing to give a spanking a try if no other method works. The rest of you are trying the hands off approach and/or hoping for divine intervention. Nothing but respect to people who are making that work.

I'd love to see some of you when the going gets rough. How about this...instead of criticising my opinions that "dont have weight"...how about we post as parents what worked for us...The thread title could be changed too, but that's not my call.

Do you have kids? And I was basing my opinion on your time on this site as a whole. I was not attacking you, just simply saying I hold the weight of a parent over a non-parent on this subject. Also I don't know by guessing whether or not you are a parent is offensive, you might be a little over sensitive.

This is my opinion on the subject. I personally do not hit my child, I also believe I don't have the right to tell you what to do with your child. So if you feel like spanking is the best method go for it, it just doesn't fly in my household.

[JoeRedskin]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

So based on what i've said, you just automatically assume that we dont have children. Nice.

The only thing that is obvious is that there are only a few people on here, that are willing to give a spanking a try if no other method works. The rest of you are trying the hands off approach and/or hoping for divine intervention. Nothing but respect to people who are making that work.

I'd love to see some of you when the going gets rough. How about this...instead of criticising my opinions that "dont have weight"...how about we post as parents what worked for us...The thread title could be changed too, but that's not my call.

Even when the going has gotten rough, I have never had to strike my children for disciplinary purposes. Not saying there f'ing angels - there typical energetic kids. Early on, however, we had "Time Out Training". If they did not obey the command to "Go to the Step", I would physically put them on the step and hold the kids on the step so they understood they could not leave. I did so gently but firmly making sure not to injure and, instead, letting them flail as much as they wanted to no avail - their butts stayed firmly planted on the step. I had to do that a couple of times with each kid. After that, time out has been consistently applied and the rules followed or they just get to stay there.

(Once, I sent my boy to the step - he was about 4. I told him "4 minutes", he protested, I replied "5 minutes", one extra minute each time he uttered a sound of protest, he finally shut up about 20 seconds later when I was up to 15 - Again, works like a charm).

I don't care too much how you choose to raise your kids - really. Just don't assume that violence is the only way. It's not.

[MTK]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

Well i'll be happy to tell you. There is a family who lives in our culdesac, two houses over.

They have 2 kids....a 9 year old, and a 5 year old. Just 2 months ago, the 9 year old went to school and told his classmate that he was going to shoot him with an AK 47. No lie. My wife knows the mother. She goes on and on about how when she was growing up, they would get in big trouble for that stuff.

But she laments further that her husband has recently "found god", and now is real hesitant to put a hand on him, because the preacher told him all this stuff and bla bla bla. (I'm thinking spare the rod, spoil the child).

Anyhow, they put him in "time out", where he still gets his XBOX, TV, etc etc...he's a problem in school and the neighborhood kids don't play with him because of how they are, so we hear all this stuff from neighbors.

Anyway, it sounds to me like time out isn't working. So if you're telling me a "hands-off" parenting approach works, i'll call you a liar.

Sounds like bad parenting 101 and not just a discipline problem.

[tryfuhl]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

Well i'll be happy to tell you. There is a family who lives in our culdesac, two houses over.

They have 2 kids....a 9 year old, and a 5 year old. Just 2 months ago, the 9 year old went to school and told his classmate that he was going to shoot him with an AK 47. No lie. My wife knows the mother. She goes on and on about how when she was growing up, they would get in big trouble for that stuff.

But she laments further that her husband has recently "found god", and now is real hesitant to put a hand on him, because the preacher told him all this stuff and bla bla bla. (I'm thinking spare the rod, spoil the child).

Anyhow, they put him in "time out", where he still gets his XBOX, TV, etc etc...he's a problem in school and the neighborhood kids don't play with him because of how they are, so we hear all this stuff from neighbors.

Anyway, it sounds to me like time out isn't working. So if you're telling me a "hands-off" parenting approach works, i'll call you a liar.

sounds like parenting is the issue, not the lack of spanking

[mredskins]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

I think thats a tough one. I dont know what i would do, but at the same time i wouldn't know the situation. I do know enough to know that "time outs" or a "talking to" has a 0% effect on children today. There has to be a safe, happy balance.

I would get my ass kicked as a kid...not abuse at all, but when i screwed up, i got what was coming to me. And that's why i'm still behaved and respectful today....never been in trouble with the law, etc....i think good discipline gets overlooked in today's world...

Not true! I use both of those on my son and they work with great effect. Even at two he feels shame and a sense of doing wrong. To me hitting a child is the easy way to discipline.

I was never once hit by my parents and I like to think I turned out pretty damn good.

I also think if you do want to hit your child, in reason, that is your choice to raise your child. I personally don't think it is effective.

[Schneed10]

Originally Posted by JoeRedskin

Here's a question: What do you do if you see a person disciplining a small child (say less than 4) in a grocery store by using excessive force - slapping, hitting or otherwise violent behavior?

Do you say something? Ignore it?

Depends how bad it is. I don't like to spank my daughter (she's 3) but I have and will again I'm sure. Never in public, mind you, that takes some balls.

If I see a parent using an open hand to slap with the goal being to sting the child's skin, then I'm fine with that, that's just a parent disciplining and using the proper restraint to ensure the child doesn't get injured. The second I see a closed fist I'd have to say something or place a call to the police.

Also, one or two slaps is all a kid needs to get the message across. I'd get concerned if a parent was repeatedly slapping, even with an open hand. That's a sign the parent is doing it out of frustration.

And the parents' demeanor matters too. If they're cool and collected while delivering the spank, then I'm comfortable that it's under control. If they look like they're starting to enter a fit of rage or frustration, then that's bad news.

[tryfuhl]

Originally Posted by Schneed10

Depends how bad it is. I don't like to spank my daughter (she's 3) but I have and will again I'm sure. Never in public, mind you, that takes some balls.

If I see a parent using an open hand to slap with the goal being to sting the child's skin, then I'm fine with that, that's just a parent disciplining and using the proper restraint to ensure the child doesn't get injured. The second I see a closed fist I'd have to say something or place a call to the police.

Also, one or two slaps is all a kid needs to get the message across. I'd get concerned if a parent was repeatedly slapping, even with an open hand. That's a sign the parent is doing it out of frustration.

And the parents' demeanor matters too. If they're cool and collected while delivering the spank, then I'm comfortable that it's under control. If they look like they're starting to enter a fit of rage or frustration, then that's bad news.

Working in some of the more "urban" liquor stores while doing mgmt with the state of va you have no clue how many times I'd hear parents tell a young child "I'm going to beat your ass" and things like that. How do you say that in public? Disgusting.