Advice On Women Thread.

[saden1]

Originally Posted by 12thMan

Another thing, how in the hell do you "not get emotionally involved"? It's pretty hard to un-ring the bell my friend.

Space and time silences the bell..it is the best you can hope for in matters of love. And there is nothing petty and immature about walking away.

[12thMan]

Originally Posted by saden1

Space and time silences the bell..it is the best you can hope for in matters of love. And there is nothing petty and immature about walking away.

You are on a roll, my man.

[saden1]

Originally Posted by 12thMan

You are on a roll, my man.

I speak from experience.

[SBXVII]

12th, I think it all boils down to you and how your approaching life and relationships. I always walked into a relationship as if this could be my wife. I'm not saying your not but it actually seems like you did fall in love with the first girl and you knew the long distant relationship would be dificult and thought it would be easier to just break it off. Then you reverted it later. You built up some barriers(rules) to keep yourself from getting hurt again and unfortunately your still getting hurt.

Now I'm going to get philosophical on you... although these relationships to you are/were awesome there is a reason the powers that be (god) is moving these women on. They must not be the one your meant to spend the rest of your life with. These might have simply been a trial run for you or they needed time away or you needed time away in order to mature in order to know what you want or to grow back together. Especially the first lady since now you know how you felt when she left. May e it's neither and someone more special will step into your life when you are ready to settle down but only you know. It doesn't sound like the second lady was going to be the women especially when you both set a bunch of rules to have to jump through. We all get hurt like this and it helps us grow and learn what we want in a women/wife. Without expierencing these things you'll never know what to look for. Lastly always keep in mind these relationships are helping you to learn your likes and dislikes about your future wife. You'll know when you have found them cause ther will be more traits you like in them and fewer dislikes. You will find they should be your best friend as well as companion. That's not to say you can't have the night out with the guys. Argeuments should be few and far between. And always remember you will get hurt now and then but it's how you deal with it and learn from it.

Perhaps I haven't helped at all but to say maybe they were not the ones and be willing to take chances knowing your feeling might get hurt again instead of putting up such rediculous rules( barriers) to hinder the relationships. If you feel the first girl was all that and the bag of chips then let her know. Maybe she cut ties for you thinking you wouldn't be able to handle it.

[Hog1]

Originally Posted by 12thMan

Per your usual, you're making a reasonable and sound argument. And I totally agree with you. But how do you know someone is marry material before you know? True, I'm not going to marry this girl but I'm not with anyone else either. So I'm kind of in no man's land.

It might not be until November before she figures out exactly where she'll end up.

Your mother or your sister will be happy to tell you if she is or not!
AND they will probably be right or LESS wrong than you

[724Skinsfan]

12th, are you sure you're not in love, or at least, want to be in love with this #2 lady? Sometimes the friends with benefits relationship doesn't work out because one of the two parties involved can't help but become emotionally attached.

I'm not sure what to think about this person quite honestly. Is she just anchoring herself to you (someone?) for that emotional support? Being far away from home can be pretty lonely and leaving knowing someone is worried or simply missing you brings a degree of comfort.

[Schneed10]

Originally Posted by 12thMan

Per your usual, you're making a reasonable and sound argument. And I totally agree with you. But how do you know someone is marry material before you know? True, I'm not going to marry this girl but I'm not with anyone else either. So I'm kind of in no man's land.

It might not be until November before she figures out exactly where she'll end up.

Separating the emotions from the logical course of action is nearly impossible when it comes to the fairer sex, I'll admit.

Based on this post, you're kind of leaving open the possibility that she could end up being considered marriage material. I read your other post as kind of shutting the door on that, but if the door is still a bit open, by all means continue on.

I think once you know a girl is no longer an option for marriage, then it's best to move onto the next. But if you're in no man's land for a month, a few months, a few more months, a year... after enough time goes by you should know whether you want to marry her. If you stay stuck in no man's land then it's a sign.

But hey, sounds like you got some time left to figure it out. Of course she could leave and break your heart, but is that really the worst thing in the world? Hurts for a time, but it wouldn't hurt your chances of finding another future Mrs. 12th down the line. If the door is still open, give it a go.

[GMScud]

My advice? Ditch her and go back to Hess.

Honestly though, if you are into this chick, why not just go all in and see what happens? Like you said, you don't even know if she may go overseas. What if you let her go now and she ends up staying and finds another man in the meantime? I guess what I'm saying is it's better to find out what you have than to be left wondering if you missed a great opportunity.

[tryfuhl]

How old are the chicks in question? And in comparison to yourself? Seems like a lot of young progressives in the area would give up nearly anything to travel.

Maybe date a little older, even if it's older than you, someone that's gotten that mostly out of their system. If you don't know chick number 2 is actually leaving maybe bring that up in casual conversation to see how that situation is developing. The worst that can happen is you tell her that you enjoy being around her. If she is leaving just forget about it though. Plenty of other women out there, just takes some weeding out.

[SolidSnake84]

I'm a little late to post for this, but i have good advice to give, or at least i think it's good and maybe it could help you.

It's important to be patient and keep your spirits up when you are in the "waiting" period of finding that "right" girl that you will marry. Like someone else said, treating each relationship like she could be marriage material helps a lot.

I have also attempted the friends with benefits thing, and while casual sex was nice, it was too risky because inevitably feelings develop with that sort of thing.

Before i got with my wife, I dated a girl in 2002. Way back in the day. It had a lot of potential, and i thought that she could be marriage material. Long story short, she cheated on me. I attempted to rebound, and attempted a friends with benefits type deal in 2003, but i was shot mentally and was just playing with fire that feelings wouldn't develop. So it ended. I was in dating exile for almost 2 years. I couldnt get anything going and thought about hanging it up.

Then after almost 3 years of nothing, i met my wife out of nowhere and just hit it off amazingly. Things have been seamless ever since. It's really true what they say, you will absolutley know when you find "the one". So don't give up buddy....your wife could be right around the corner

[mredskins]

Originally Posted by GMScud

My advice? Ditch her and go back to Hess.

Honestly though, if you are into this chick, why not just go all in and see what happens? Like you said, you don't even know if she may go overseas. What if you let her go now and she ends up staying and finds another man in the meantime? I guess what I'm saying is it's better to find out what you have than to be left wondering if you missed a great opportunity.

Ah man you bet me to it!!!!!

This thread is not as epic as jsanro advice thread, sorry to say.

when I lived in NOVA that was a huge problem for a lot of my friends meeting chicks with green cards. I made it a rule in my mind not to date any non US citizen.

[mredskins]

Originally Posted by SolidSnake84

I'm a little late to post for this, but i have good advice to give, or at least i think it's good and maybe it could help you.

It's important to be patient and keep your spirits up when you are in the "waiting" period of finding that "right" girl that you will marry. Like someone else said, treating each relationship like she could be marriage material helps a lot.

I have also attempted the friends with benefits thing, and while casual sex was nice, it was too risky because inevitably feelings develop with that sort of thing.

Before i got with my wife, I dated a girl in 2002. Way back in the day. It had a lot of potential, and i thought that she could be marriage material. Long story short, she cheated on me. I attempted to rebound, and attempted a friends with benefits type deal in 2003, but i was shot mentally and was just playing with fire that feelings wouldn't develop. So it ended. I was in dating exile for almost 2 years. I couldnt get anything going and thought about hanging it up.

Then after almost 3 years of nothing, i met my wife out of nowhere and just hit it off amazingly. Things have been seamless ever since. It's really true what they say, you will absolutley know when you find "the one". So don't give up buddy....your wife could be right around the corner

I agree with this when you meet the right person there are no silly games you just know it is the right one.

For the record it is impossible outside of a one night stand to have sex with someone and not think some emotions towards that person will not follow.

[mredskins]

Originally Posted by 12thMan

She's totally not marrying material. But she's definitely like or in love material, you know what I mean? I'm somewhere in between. Not totally in love, but a little more than just like.

She's giving a short speech tomorrow in here in D.C. and asked if I was coming (pardon the pun) to support her. I said yes but that I was cutting out early before things ended. I think if I can stick to the 2/per week rule she'll get the message.

Depending on your age and you are serious about getting married why waste any time on someone you don't deem marriage material? The right one could come along and you are mixed up with some part time lover.

Dude the bottom line is you are blurring the fine line of lust and love. Sounds like you are lusting after this chick.

[joethiesmanfan]

Hit it and ruuuuuuuuuuuun!!!!

[dmek25]

do you want to get married? i guess thats a good place to start