Funny Sean Taylor Facts...

Sean Taylor IS the internet.

Some of these will be repeats, and not all of them make sense re: Sean Taylor but I ganked them from some Chuck Norris ones, and I'm feeling lazy today (ha!) Enjoy!


When Sean Taylor has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

Sean Taylor doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you ask Sean Taylor what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till."
After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Sean Taylor uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

Since 1940, the year Sean Taylor was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Sean Taylor.

There is no chin behind Sean Taylor' beard. There is only another fist.

It was once believed that Sean Taylor actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Sean Taylor himself to lure more pirates to him.

Sean Taylor once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Sean roundhouse kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.

When Sean Taylor's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Sean said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Sean Taylor."

Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger; it is actually a list of people that Sean Taylor roundhouse kicked in the face that day.

If you unscramble the letters in "Sean Taylor" you get "Huck corn, sir." That is why every fall, Sean travels to Nebraska and burns the entire state down.

Sean Taylor' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Sean Taylor once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Sean Taylor does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Sean Taylor instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

When Sean Taylor plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

Sean Taylor built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Sean met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Sean Taylor sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Sean roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

A man once asked Sean Taylor if his real name is "Charles". Sean Taylor did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Sean Taylor recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Sean Taylor can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

Sean Taylor does not sleep. He waits.

Sean Taylor once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

The chief export of Sean Taylor is pain.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Sean Taylor. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

Sean Taylor often asks people to pull his finger. When they do, he roundhouses them in the abdomen. Then he farts.

Sean Taylor is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

If you can see Sean Taylor, he can see you. If you can't see Sean Taylor you may be only seconds away from death.

Sean Taylor took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity." then you are dead wrong.

Sean Taylor uses a live rattle snake for a condom.

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Sean Taylor to die before they attack.

Sean Taylor's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodSean could Sean if a woodSean could Sean wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF Sean Taylor!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't f--k with Sean!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Sean Taylor appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Taylor replied, "That's no glitch."

Sean Taylor is the only man to successfully beat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Sean Taylor does not sleep. He waits.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Sean Taylor out. It failed miserably.

To attain inner peace, Sean Taylor eats Buddhists.

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Sean Taylor played in second grade.

Sean Taylor once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Sean Taylor is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a Indian.

If you can see Sean Taylor, he can see you. If you can't see Sean Taylor, you may be only seconds away from death.

Thats the Shit.........real funny guys.....real funny

Moments after you meet Sean Taylor....you meet St. Peter.

My Mother made fun of Sean Taylor once.... Once!

My Mother made fun of Sean Taylor once.... Once!

Nice Danny Vermin reference!

Whoever has the clip of Taylor almost kildding the Dallas WR, and him ducking away could you PLEASE email it to me?? Thanks!!

redchess@comcast.net

Drug users everywhere are now considering changing the name of Speed to Santana.

There was no hell, then Sean Taylor got angry

Football was invented so that Sean Taylor could have a means of entertainment

Oregon Trail LMAO... how many hours in school were spent playing that game...