Jokes - Sort of

A football coach noticed that his star tackle, Bubba, had so many women hanging around that he couldn’t possibly handle all of them. So one day he asked Bubba, “Just what the hell is your secret?”

Bubba replied, “Well, coach, whenever I’m about to have sex, I always whip it out and bang it on the dresser like a hammer. That numbs it and I can screw ’em forever!”

The coach went home early that day and went straight to the bedroom. He heard his wife in the shower and, seeing a window of opportunity, tore off his clothes and started banging his penis on the dresser.

His wife immediately stuck her head out of the shower and said, “Is that you, Bubba?”

A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over.

“So,” says the cop to the driver, “where have you been?”

“I’ve been to the pub,” slurs the drunk.

“Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few.”

“I did all right,” the drunk says with a smile.

“Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”

“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk. “For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”

Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in Atlanta. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Bud realizes, “Man, I wish we had something to drink!”

“Me too.” replies Jim, “Y’know, I’ve heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?”

So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed. The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels great. No hangover. No bad side effects…Nothing!

Then the phone rings and it’s Jim. “Hey, how do you feel this morning?” he asks.

“I feel great.” says Bub. “How about you?”

“I feel great too.” Jim responds, “I don’t even have a hangover, we ought to do this more often.”

“Yeah, well there’s just one thing…Have you farted yet?”

“No…”

“Well, don’t, ’cause I’m in Phoenix!”

:biggthump :laughing2

santa enters the room from the fire place , he sees a good looking lady wearing a robe. the lady asks "santa could you stay for a while" . "ho, ho ,ho santas got to go, got alot of presents to deliver you know" santa replies. the woman unties her robe, exposing a little skin, and asks santa again if he would stay. "ho, ho, ho santas got to go, got alot of presents to deliver you know" santa again replies. the lady then removes her robe, lays down on the couch butt naked and spreads her legs wide open. she then asks santa again if he would stay. santa looks at her and says "hay, hay, hay santas got to stay, can't get up the chimney with my dick this way". :)

santa enters the room from the fire place , he sees a good looking lady wearing a robe. the lady asks "santa could you stay for a while" . "ho, ho ,ho santas got to go, got alot of presents to deliver you know" santa replies. the woman unties her robe, exposing a little skin, and asks santa again if he would stay. "ho, ho, ho santas got to go, got alot of presents to deliver you know" santa again replies. the lady then removes her robe, lays down on the couch butt naked and spreads her legs wide open. she then asks santa again if he would stay. santa looks at her and says "hay, hay, hay santas got to stay, can't get up the chimney with my dick this way". :)
:laughing2

20. The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it.
19. He came at his blind side and got him from behind.
18. He's off to the sidelines for a quick blow.
17. It's a game of inches.
16. That hole was so big, you could drive a truck through it.
15. When you get down in this area, you just gotta start pounding.
14. He's gonna feel that one tomorrow.
13. He found his tight end.
12. End around.
11. He had to stretch to get it in.
10. He gets penetration in the backfield.
9. He blows them off (at the line).
8. He bangs it in.
7. He could go all the way.
6. He gets it off just in time.
5. He goes deep.
4. He found a hole and slid through it.
3. He pounds it in.
2. He beats them off (the line)
1. He's got great hands.

Hahahahaha... these are all great. I'm glad we started posting these again. For a while I ACTUALLY was doing work today!

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"

"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."

"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

one blonde babe asked the other blonde babe which was closer the moon or california-the other blonde babe said I can see the moon i can't see california