advice needed...

On the 100th post Jsanro nails it. Awesome man good luck to you! I can't see this derailing at all, fool proof plan. Just awesome, awesome! God this is awesome!

The 70/30 spilt is an awesome idea too, just awesome!

Your awesome this awesome!!!!!!!!

I guess it is more of negotiation than blackmail, but to say i'll let you go if you give me 50/50, otherwise I won't certainly sounds blackmailish to me. Oh well. I do not want to keep the kids from him, he is the father.
The daughter likes me a lot, we have a lot of fun together and she doesn't really miss her father when she's not around him. The younger son absolutely loves me. He cries when I leave, and that breaks my heart. Their father just doesn't spend time with them, and give them attention / love, so to have an active male / father figure in their lives is something they have been craving and are now getting. The kids just aren't suffering right now at all. They are happier and now that they have that desired attention they are behaving better too. No matter what I can never replace their biological father, nor do I want to try to. I hope he remains an active part of their life. Don't really know how this is going to pan out considering he will be so far away, but I am sure we can work something out. 50/50 will not be an option. Maybe 70/30 or something where he gets them in the summers, and we get them during the school season etc.

About running and finding another fish in the sea. That won't happen. I've already had the chance to find other fish in the sea, I want this fish. I have always wanted her, and always will regardless of circumstance. I am not some 21 year old that doesn't know what love is, and hasn't come to reality with my emotions / feelings. I am happier now than I have ever been even with the kids. I love those kids, and we have a great time together. I don't expect others to understand cause this is a unique scenario. Which is no big deal, just know that in terms of being with her, we both know what we are doing, and the possible consequences...we are willing to take those chances. The kids are the utmost priority to us, and their well being is more important than anything. In terms of how this will all play out, that's still up in the air.

If you don't mind my asking, how much of the appeal of being with Julia (again) is that it gives you the chance to be a dad (as it were), something that unfortunately wasn't happening with your ex-wife? Do you feel that's something you'd been missing and now you're getting that opportunity?

I guess it is more of negotiation than blackmail, but to say i'll let you go if you give me 50/50, otherwise I won't certainly sounds blackmailish to me. Oh well. I do not want to keep the kids from him, he is the father.

And I guess you still don't get my point, this man is not negotiating, blackmailing, or anything else. He is accepting a surrender of 3/4's of his life. The wife, maybe not so much, but his kids -- are you S****** me, he is not negotiating, he is not blackmailing, you are tearing them away from him, and he is surviving.
and then you give what sounds like a throwaway line of "he is the father." I don't really care how much he does or does not interact with them, he was there for the months before they were born, the birth, the days after their birth, the night feedings, the diaper changes, the first steps etc. he didn't not experience the passion and pride of being a father. Maybe he didn't display affection to your satisfaction, and maybe he is a lousy husband. but you aren't just taking away his wife, or negotiating a 50million dollar stock deal. you are invading his home and his wife has joined you so he is marking his territory, and his values.

i wish for you happiness, but the way you describe the scenario, is like me describing the FO's latest and greatest move even when the rest of the Warpathers are telling me its a mistake. I hear no recognition in your tone that you get the fact that just cuz the kids think you are cool, does not translate to them loving their dad any less.
I doubt I will respond any more Jsarno, I HOPE you have a happy life, and I am sure your intentions are good. Please tread carefully kind sir.

Have you consider the logistics of this at all? Say everything works out and you are spooning Julia Guila every night in your little love nest. Have you thought about what it is like to live with and raise children? It is probably the largest resopinisibilty you can take on as a human. My wife and I had our son 11 months ago and our lives easily did a 180 (if not a 720 but we never returned to the same postition). I know her kids are not infants but it is going to be a huge adjustment for you.

I would say run free find another fish in the sea. At some point the lovey dovey part is going to wash off between you and Julia Gulia and the reality of the stituation is going to hit you like a ton of bricks.

I can picture you now standing in a trailer's kitchen holding a sippy cup and wondering what the hell happen to my life, as the kids are screaming and running all around you.lol. Aside from the trailer, that describes me to a tee. Well, almost any father I assume.

lol. Aside from the trailer, that describes me to a tee. Well, almost any father I assume.


It is not a bad thing but if you are coming from being a person without kids to all of sudden raising two of them overnight, you are in for a culture shock, about a million volts to be exact.

I just wanted to throw this out. Right now your the fun guy who comes and does stuff with them but soon you will be the guy who has to raise and now disciplin them. Thats when thing start to get a little crazy. You will hear at some point one of them say I want to go live with dad or your not my dad. The roles will now be reversed and he will be the guy who comes and plays with them and then brings them back. Your the one who has to now get them to bed and such.

If you don't mind my asking, how much of the appeal of being with Julia (again) is that it gives you the chance to be a dad (as it were), something that unfortunately wasn't happening with your ex-wife? Do you feel that's something you'd been missing and now you're getting that opportunity?

If you don't mind, I'd rather PM you that, if that is OK.

i wish for you happiness, but the way you describe the scenario, is like me describing the FO's latest and greatest move even when the rest of the Warpathers are telling me its a mistake. I hear no recognition in your tone that you get the fact that just cuz the kids think you are cool, does not translate to them loving their dad any less.

I sincerely hope they won't love him less. I'm not trying to take his place, but hope to be a valuable addition.

I doubt I will respond any more Jsarno, I HOPE you have a happy life, and I am sure your intentions are good. Please tread carefully kind sir.
Thank you.

I just wanted to throw this out. Right now your the fun guy who comes and does stuff with them but soon you will be the guy who has to raise and now disciplin them. Thats when thing start to get a little crazy. You will hear at some point one of them say I want to go live with dad or your not my dad. The roles will now be reversed and he will be the guy who comes and plays with them and then brings them back. Your the one who has to now get them to bed and such.

Very valid points. Im sure that will happen some day, and I'm obviously not looking forward to it.

He just today said he will let her go, but under conditions...he wants to move back to his home town (across the country), and he wants 50/50 custody. I find this to be a tad bit of blackmail.

Well then he is a dirtball if he is using the kids for leverage. If he was a grown up he'd face facts ask for 50/50 and stay near them. Moving across the country away from your kids expecting them to uproot themselves 50% of the time is baffling. It is selfish crap.