advice needed...

jsarno,
I don't have much advice to offer, I have been through divorce, and been with a woman who had her own kids. What I want to tell you, is that the kids may never understand. The best you can do is be a good man and treat them with a respect that, at times, you may find hard to find.
I am not a lawyer, but I believe leaving a note like you wrote would look very bad(abandonment/not making an effort-in the courts view), and unless any abuse has been recorded it likely won't have very much bearing.
It sounds like a very tough path, and you have my heartfelt wishes that you will find your way through it. (writing rarely can convey true emotion, and this is definitely one of those times.)
Godspeed.

Point #1, as someone who went through a similar situation as a kid, I can say it's definitely very tough to deal with. I'm not sure that there's any good advice to give, just treat the kids with respect and be as understanding as possible, and give them space when they need it. And like someone already mentioned NEVER talk trash about their father.

Regarding the note, it definitely does not sound like a good thing to do. Do the right thing and go about things the proper way.

As for a job, get on the horn with some recruiters or professional temp agencies. Pound the pavement and don't rely on online job banks.

Wow dude you've got a lot going on right now. Sounds like you've made the decision to be with this Julia. For me it breaks down like this:

1) Priority 1 for you has to be finding a job if you're going to make this move. I don't know how you can go on vacation given that you're planning on living in Cali in this economy. I'd cancel the vacation and work my ass off to gain meaningful employment. Priorities. Vacation later once you're settled. If you're going to be moving in with Julia and her kids, you're going to have some degree of responsibility for supporting her and her kids. The kids are going to be dealing with a lot as it is, being taken away from their father, make sure you don't make matters worse by failing to help out financially.

If you take one piece of advice from this thread, make it this one


how old are the kids?

Appleone is a temp agency my company has used in the past, I'm not sure if it's what you are looking for: AppleOne employment agency | find better job | advance career | search resumes (http://www.appleone.com/)

Unfortunately my company is going through a sale at the moment so I can't help there, I might have to join you at appleone...

Take a look at Signon San Diego (http://www.signonsandiego.com/), It's the website for our largest newspaper( Union Tribune). It should help finding a place and possibly a job.

send me an email with the type of job you are qualified for( PM with my email address sent). Hopefully I can forward you to a friend in that field.

Good Luck.

I cannot emphasize this enough - do not "run off" with the kids. He may be lazy but one call to the police and you could very easily spend your cruise under protective custody.

I am with Schneed on this one. You may suffer a large cancellation penalty if you cancel the cruise. From a purely practical aspect, however, that cost will pale in comparison to the legal costs you could face if, in addition to divorce proceedings, you must fight kidnapping charges. He is still their legal father.

She needs to see an attorney and file for a protective order promptly. In this manner, she can leave and take the kids without worry.

do what it takes to make your life happy life is short and it is what you make it good luck!

Lots of good advice here that I wont repeat. One thing to remember. Violence begets violence. Yes, maybe he hasn't been violent with the kids before but his tendency for violence towards his wife is an alarming indication. At any point he could be violent with the kids. At one point he loved (and may still) his wife very very much and now he has no problem roughing her up. The kids are next on the abuse train if something doesn't change.

She needs to have him served with a restraining order with the divorce proceedings.

Well life is short and you're going to have to make your own moves. This seems like a huge can of dung you're opening. If all of this drama makes you happy then fine. You've helped me. Everytime I hear stories like this I'm thankful that I'm a whore and wouldn't get married for anything.

What I'd do in your situation (didn't read it all) is to drop all of it, move to a nice place, and start over. Get a fresh start. I mean you're already getting a divorce, why jump back into the fire? You should just chill out for awhile and be content with being you. Give a year and then start looking for someone with no strings attached.

Hey man, I really wish you the best. It's going to be tough on you, and quite frankly, you may second guess your decision later on down the road. Even though you may not feel that way at the moment.

The kids are a huge deal, man. Just do right by them and let them know you aren't a perfect man, but you're going to do your best to be a good man to them. I mean, you should tell them this, not her, per se.

I guess if could throw in some more Monday morning quarterbacking, get alone to yourself every so often. You're going to need some mental space (not at the bar!) to adjust and transition. You're only as good to this family as you are to yourself.

HTTR!

I thought about it over lunch. To me it comes down to this. If you have to ask yourself if something is right or would seem bad in a custody case then that's your answer. If you question it even a little it means you shouldn't do it. This isn't some TV show in fantasy land. You're dealing with real people and real feelings. Be straight up honest about it and approach it with an attitude that you are ALWAYS going to do the exact right thing by everyone involved not matter how hard or inconvenient it is.

The more I think about this Julia Gulia seems like she is looking for a life line to help her get out of her bad situation. I think Trample has the right idea about getting out of dodge and fast. You need to get you right first before adding someone else espically if that someone else is bringing children along.

Ah, the almighty vagina, it makes us men do crazy things.