understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

Not to be a jerk, but have you thought of getting an iPhone?


Haha i saw that statistic today on a news article....if it helped, i would honestly buy one

Do they vibra....nevermind.

Lotta great posts/advice already in this thread. I reckon I can add a bit of insight SS84 (I've been married to my special lady friend throughout our 20s).

- While their bodies are typically at the peak during their 20s a LOT of women just don't have a ton of libido during that time. A cruel effing irony thrown at us by nature or God! My lady honestly had weeks of no sex-drive off and on even separating out the birth control situation. The physical aspect of any relationship has a natural ebb and tide life of its own. I can honestly say that the really fantastic sex (in our marriage) didn't happen till about the 4th yr...and, taking highs and lows into account, it just continues to get better over time.

- The increased "focus" on sex, especially from you but within the relationship as a whole, doesn't help in the short run. While I don't quite get it lots of women have serious performance anxiety and especially if they don't have much libido to start with. This means you need to find a tactful way to ratchet down the sex issue while simultaneously extracting the info (what's going on w/ her). So...communication is the key. Think about what kind of setting puts her at ease most and try a different approach to the issue than you have before.

- Don't let yourself start believing other women, especially if there's a particular friend/coworker/etc you fancy, will not have many if not all the same propensities your wife has. For one thing you're likely to get involved with another woman roughly the same age and, believe it or not, more similar than dissimilar to your wife. Relationships are most always hot and heavy in the beginning, and then the patterns of normal life emerge.

*I assume this will be a process. Keep us posted :)

Yeah guys i'll let everybody know how it goes...i'm getting off work in 20 mins so i will go home and try and feel her out so to speak. I may be able to post results tonight, but more than likely it will be in the morning...so check back!

Did it end up working out for them afterwards?

Yeah, they've been happily married for 20 years and have four kids.

Yeah guys i'll let everybody know how it goes...i'm getting off work in 20 mins so i will go home and try and feel her out so to speak. I may be able to post results tonight, but more than likely it will be in the morning...so check back!

Maybe thats the problem. You need to be feeling her up not feeling her out.

Haha i saw that statistic today on a news article....if it helped, i would honestly buy one

I have to give SmootSmack first dibs on that joke...

...that being said, I told my wife your problem on the way home a few minute ago and she said unless there is something SERIOUSLY wrong, just be open, give some space and things will come around.

Until that time, the internet will be your best friend...

Maybe she has discovered that she is bi and she is trying to figure out how to ask you if her hot ass girl friend can join you two in the bed room.

I have to give SmootSmack first dibs on that joke...

...that being said, I told my wife your problem on the way home a few minute ago and she said unless there is something SERIOUSLY wrong, just be open, give some space and things will come around.

Until that time, the internet will be your best friend...

That's probably the biggest thing. Those rare times that Senora Smack is less than interested I used to get all frustrated with her. Like my pride was on the line "I put a ring on your finger and now you don't want this?!" But I've since learned to be more "understanding" "Take all the time you need honey, I'm not going anywhere" I've started to learn all her non-verbal behavior too. 'Cause often times she'd be like tonight it's you and me! And I'd be all like that's what's up! Only to find out it was all talk by the time the evening rolled around.

But one thing I've learned, when guys are upset and frustrated usually the best release is to hit something or to hit something (if you know what I mean). For women, it's unfortunately not always the same.

Anyhow Snake, as has been said here you need to talk to her but not in a Mel Gibson-"you better blow!!!!! me" (http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2010/07/exclusive-audio-out-control-mel-gibson-says-hell-burn-down-house-after-demanding) kind of way

That's probably the biggest thing. Those rare times that Senora Smack is less than interested I used to get all frustrated with her. Like my pride was on the line "I put a ring on your finger and now you don't want this?!" But I've since learned to be more "understanding" "Take all the time you need honey, I'm not going anywhere" I've started to learn all her non-verbal behavior too. 'Cause often times she'd be like tonight it's you and me! And I'd be all like that's what's up! Only to find out it was all talk by the time the evening rolled around.

But one thing I've learned, when guys are upset and frustrated usually the best release is to hit something or to hit something (if you know what I mean). For women, it's unfortunately not always the same.

Anyhow Snake, as has been said here you need to talk to her but not in a Mel Gibson-"you better blow!!!!! me" (http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2010/07/exclusive-audio-out-control-mel-gibson-says-hell-burn-down-house-after-demanding) kind of way

DUDE. I'm not hijacking this at all, but that makes me want to flip my shit. I don't mind not getting a piece, but don't get my hopes up.