understanding a sexless marriage: Should I stay or go??

I dont have official polls or what not, but i saw something on a website where it says 65% of US married couples have sex only once a week, 20% are once every 2 weeks, and 15% of people go longer than a month. That data was from 2009

I have tried asking about it, like i said, she gets furious if i ask too many questions.

All of my married friends, and my father, told me this would happen BEFORE, i got married, and i was just foolish enough to believe it wouldnt happen to me.

I'm already in shape, i only took up weight training hoping that the extra muscle would spark something....

Straight up, it has NOTHING to do with the way you look. You definitely will have those hot and dry spells. My wife and I sometimes have that month where she says the same thing your wife does and sometimes we'll go home at lunch and THEN after work again.

It's like anything, the honeymoon where you're banging like bunnies goes away.

If you want to always be getting it daily (or multi-times a day), you need to be single and just dump a girl when it gets old, because this happens in almost every single relationship.

First, 32 days is a dry spell for sure, but too small a sample to make any drastic decisions.

The fact that she won't talk about it tells me something is wrong, like others have said. Possibilities:

- She's pregnant and isn't comfortable talking about it yet.
- She's sick with something serious.
- She's clinically depressed.
- She's mentally moving on from you. Sometimes you see people withdraw from their loved one if they've been presented an opportunity to be with someone else, and they're beginning to consider it.
- There's something else in her life causing a great deal of stress.

You gotta get her to talk about it. But come from a place of compassion, assume something is wrong and you're just looking to find out so you can help her through whatever it is.

I've been with my wife for a few years now. Every aspect of our life is happy and wonderful. We have no children, and it's just us. We love to travel, eat out, go to the movies together, and all of that stuff.

We get along great and I consider her the only other person in my life besides my father, that i completley trust.

The problem is, since returning from our trip to Florida 32 days ago, we have had a sexless marriage, and a complete lack of other intimacy. I blame myself and have tried everything to try and bring it back. I even started lifting weights to try and change my physical build hoping it would help...Nothing has worked. I'm not ready to give up just yet, but i need help in seeing which way this thing is headed.
What changed between before the FL trip and after?

I'm in my early 40s and been married 10 yrs (together for 12). As TMC said, sometimes you hit a dry spell between work, kids, responsiblities, etc. But, your sex life shouldn't be over, and certainly not at 25. If you and your wife are completely happy in all other aspects, and the dry spell has only been a month, I've got to believe there's something going on in her head that she may not be talking about.

I dont have official polls or what not, but i saw something on a website where it says 65% of US married couples have sex only once a week, 20% are once every 2 weeks, and 15% of people go longer than a month. That data was from 2009

I have tried asking about it, like i said, she gets furious if i ask too many questions.

All of my married friends, and my father, told me this would happen BEFORE, i got married, and i was just foolish enough to believe it wouldnt happen to me.

I'm already in shape, i only took up weight training hoping that the extra muscle would spark something....


Even once a week, I can get. If you're busy, have kids, whatever. I get that.... but if you're spending the night together every night and there isnt more, than man... thats gonna be dissapointing if that day rolls around for me.

First, 32 days is a dry spell for sure, but too small a sample to make any drastic decisions.

The fact that she won't talk about it tells me something is wrong, like others have said. Possibilities:

- She's pregnant and isn't comfortable talking about it yet.
- She's sick with something serious.
- She's clinically depressed.
- She's mentally moving on from you. Sometimes you see people withdraw from their loved one if they've been presented an opportunity to be with someone else, and they're beginning to consider it.
- There's something else in her life causing a great deal of stress.

You gotta get her to talk about it. But come from a place of compassion, assume something is wrong and you're just looking to find out so you can help her through whatever it is.

I kind of thought this too. Are you questioning your feelings for HER too if you're talking about moving on after 32 days of no sex?

And also, while I'm not 30 or 40, if there is no sex in THOSE marriages, that's a GIANT problem. Women reach their sexual peak in their thirties, so that doesn't sound right to me. Don't get me wrong, you won't be banging every night, but you should at least be getting it on the regular 2-4 times a week.

2-4 times a week is abnormally often for those age ranges in a mature relationship.

My wife and I are both 31, we run at about once per week to once every 10 days. How often is not important, it's the quality that matters. If the quality goes out, the relationship fizzles.

And Also, I agree with everyone who says that something is up/wrong...

And also, while I'm not 30 or 40, if there is no sex in THOSE marriages, that's a GIANT problem. Women reach their sexual peak in their thirties, so that doesn't sound right to me. Don't get me wrong, you won't be banging every night, but you should at least be getting it on the regular 2-4 times a week.

My wife will be 30 in a couple of years and we'll soon be "trying" for Little Smoots....so let the good times roll!

Look on the bright side Snake, you won't have to worry about a vasectomy if you ain't gettin' none in the first place

2-4 times a week is abnormally often for those age ranges in a mature relationship.

My wife and I are both 31, we run at about once per week to once every 10 days. How often is not important, it's the quality that matters. If the quality goes out, the relationship fizzles.

Exactly. I mean it's different for everyone, and to be honest if we DID do it daily, it kind of loses how special it is (and yes you can call me gay for saying that).

What changed between before the FL trip and after?

I'm in my early 40s and been married 10 yrs (together for 12). As TMC said, sometimes you hit a dry spell between work, kids, responsiblities, etc. But, your sex life shouldn't be over, and certainly not at 25. If you and your wife are completely happy in all other aspects, and the dry spell has only been a month, I've got to believe there's something going on in her head that she may not be talking about.

First off, great advice by Schneed10. I appreciate it deeply, and have never considered those issues. Regarding pregnancy, i highly doubt it, our sex life was shaky before FL, and absolutley ended when we got home.

To answer Sammy, its like somebody just flipped a switch...