Warpath's Official Man Law Thread

Just make sure to squirt a little soap in the sink afterwards and it's all good.

Depending on the height of the sink it can be difficult for those of "small stature." Fortunately I'm built like a hose so reaching a high sink with my johnson has never been a problem.Man Law: no describing the size of a mans johnson to another man. this law also covers the so called "shrinkage" factor

Yesterday I forgot to share a story on why I feel really strongly about not talking at a urinal (although I do break this from time to time at a sporting event, at least I ALWAYS keep my eyes forward).

About a month or two ago I was at a bar after a softball game and I needed to piss, so mosey on over to the smalles bathroom on the face of the Earth. This thing was so small that if someone was using one of the urinals and you needed to get by you would practically bump into him, so that was uncomfortable enough. Anywho, I'm taking a long awaited piss at the second stall, furthest from the door, so some old creepy drunk guy walks in. As soon as he whips it out and starts to go he quickly looks over at me and smiles. Meanwhile, I'm just trying to read the sports page tapped to the wall. So this guy says the strangest joke I've ever heard. I've stayed up atnight trying to figure it out, and now I think it's some DaVinci Code, CIA shit or something....
He says...
"Two guys are jogging across the Golden Gate bridge when one guy says to the other, 'I've got to take a piss,' and he starts to go over the edge. The other guy is annoyed, but realizes that he has to go too, so he starts to go over the edge too. The first guy looks at his friend and says 'Man, this water is deep,' and the second guy responds, 'Yeah, and it's cold too!'" With that the creepy dude started to laugh hysterically. I ran out of the bathroom, pants around my ankles and tears running down my face! Ok, I made that last part up, but the rest is true.

From now on, I will pretend I am alone while pissing no matter what.

MAN LAW!

I just about choked do death on my sandwich reading that story. F-in' hilarious.

It does bring to mind a similar experience I had just yesterday that also reinforced why this Man Law is so important.

I was at work and had to take a piss so I head to the john and start doing my thing. This dude walks in who's in another department and I pass him in the hall maybe once or twice a week. Anyway, he comes in, takes the urinal RIGHT NEXT TO MINE (Man Law Violation #1), whips out his thing and starts going. I'm keeping my eyes straight ahead, occasionally glancing down to check the erosion status of the urinal cake, generally minding my own business and abiding by Man Law. I'm halfway done and the guy suddenly blurts out, "Hey" (Man Law Violation #2 for those keeping track at home). I grunt "eh" under my breath and stay focused on the urinal cake. He then continues, "So you look like you're in good shape, do you work out?" (Man Law Violation#3 - complimenting another man's physique) I was immediately jerked out of my focus on the eroding urinal cake and STOPPED PEEING MIDSTREAM. The General was so alarmed with homophobic fright that he retreated back inside my pants. Like AMD, it was all I could do not to cry on my way out of the bathroom, but I managed to keep my composure intact and utter nothing to the moron except "eh."

Man Law: no describing the size of a mans johnson to another man. this law also covers the so called "shrinkage" factor

But that's such a time-honored tradition! I can't even brag about my OWN johnson?

But that's such a time-honored tradition! I can't even brag about my OWN johnson?NO! not to another man. we are not in high school anymore.we dont care about how big or small you may be. that info does not serve a purpose.

NO! not to another man. we are not in high school anymore.we dont care about how big or small you may be. that info does not serve a purpose.

Fine. I still think johnson size jokes are a hoot.

Fine. I still think johnson size jokes are a hoot.if you can find enough men to overrule my decision than i may reconsider my ruling.

I just about choked do death on my sandwich reading that story. F-in' hilarious.

It does bring to mind a similar experience I had just yesterday that also reinforced why this Man Law is so important.

I was at work and had to take a piss so I head to the john and start doing my thing. This dude walks in who's in another department and I pass him in the hall maybe once or twice a week. Anyway, he comes in, takes the urinal RIGHT NEXT TO MINE (Man Law Violation #1), whips out his thing and starts going. I'm keeping my eyes straight ahead, occasionally glancing down to check the erosion status of the urinal cake, generally minding my own business and abiding by Man Law. I'm halfway done and the guy suddenly blurts out, "Hey" (Man Law Violation #2 for those keeping track at home). I grunt "eh" under my breath and stay focused on the urinal cake. He then continues, "So you look like you're in good shape, do you work out?" (Man Law Violation#3 - complimenting another man's physique) I was immediately jerked out of my focus on the eroding urinal cake and STOPPED PEEING MIDSTREAM. The General was so alarmed with homophobic fright that he retreated back inside my pants. Like AMD, it was all I could do not to cry on my way out of the bathroom, but I managed to keep my composure intact and utter nothing to the moron except "eh."i hate to be the one to tell you this but i think that guy wa hittin on you dude. why else would you tell a man that has his junk out that he looks like he is in good shape?

Has anyone else seen the movie "Waiting"? There are some pretty classic johnson jokes in that one. The whole showing your junk to another man and then mocking HIM for being a 'meat gazer' is hilarious.

Has anyone else seen the movie "Waiting"? There are some pretty classic johnson jokes in that one. The whole showing your junk to another man and then mocking HIM for being a 'meat gazer' is hilarious.
Yea man that movie is pretty hilarious...
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0348333/quotes
"Raddimus: [after explaining the various positions of the game] You can't forget this, all right? You got to call them a fag, okay? The game loses all its meaning if you don't humilate them for being a fucking meatcake, you got that?"

I just about choked do death on my sandwich reading that story. F-in' hilarious.

It does bring to mind a similar experience I had just yesterday that also reinforced why this Man Law is so important.

I was at work and had to take a piss so I head to the john and start doing my thing. This dude walks in who's in another department and I pass him in the hall maybe once or twice a week. Anyway, he comes in, takes the urinal RIGHT NEXT TO MINE (Man Law Violation #1), whips out his thing and starts going. I'm keeping my eyes straight ahead, occasionally glancing down to check the erosion status of the urinal cake, generally minding my own business and abiding by Man Law. I'm halfway done and the guy suddenly blurts out, "Hey" (Man Law Violation #2 for those keeping track at home). I grunt "eh" under my breath and stay focused on the urinal cake. He then continues, "So you look like you're in good shape, do you work out?" (Man Law Violation#3 - complimenting another man's physique) I was immediately jerked out of my focus on the eroding urinal cake and STOPPED PEEING MIDSTREAM. The General was so alarmed with homophobic fright that he retreated back inside my pants. Like AMD, it was all I could do not to cry on my way out of the bathroom, but I managed to keep my composure intact and utter nothing to the moron except "eh."

Damn!! I swear I have tears in my eyes at this very moment from reading both AMD and mheisig's stories!! This thread kicks all kinds of ass.

Anyway, I think johnson jokes are definitely in and doesn't violate any man law rules. So I propose johnson jokes not be done away with.